"Taking Lives"

The ultimate shOck-of-your-life experience was part of my unusual Yum Cha session with Flabby, Jace and Krystal last night. Entertaining for some....hEart-stopping for some. It was almost like a lab test to see hoW much me and Jace could take. Of course... thE best was mE...haha coz Jace almost DiEd..literally DiEd due to the.....ear torture given by Flabby. I guess it was more of a shock to Jace than it is to me.....The only thing that shocked me was that I tHought I had known nothing, other than what I originally knew. But...the truth was that all I knew was all that happened. Flabby was juz pulling out legs. At first, I was confidant that it was all bullshit... but knowing me... and knowing flabby...im bound to believe whatever she says. If it was real, I felt like either I was gonna Sink into the chair... or fall onto the ground...or... slam my face on the table..or simply SmoKE the Freshly bought pack to dust.

Overall.....I am juz stonnEd and......I have nothing else to say. I just believe the things that flabby says..you may think im gullible and blur, but it's juz simply because I trust her and I pray that flabby will never lie to me or hide things from me.

Self Reflection???

Being tired SuckS...Ruins everything. Killed my sense of humour and worst of all it killed my mood. Im losing my cool likE no boDy's business and I dont know how to have fun anymore. Atmos was......somewhat......boring last nite. I actually tRiEd to enjoy myself and put up that....face as though im enjoying it. Okay...but that can only last for so long...after that, I juz wanna get outta there. Even being in Su Ann’s house seemed more...interesting. Had a cup noodle and then down one V.S.O.P after that....im surprisingly...AwakE. Went to Lotus to minum awhile, they went back and so did I. This is funny. I was Dead sleepy at 12 something when music was BlAsting like crazy... but DAmN awake at 3 sumthing till 5 when the hse is so quiet. *scratches head* . Actually... I suddenly miSsed Nouvo last nite. Felt like I wanted to be in Nouvo more than Atmos....I Dont knoW why. oh well..... nExt week mayb?

Anyway....I realised that things are not always what it seems. And things should never be judged through someone else's words. Everything should be judged by YouRself based on youR own opinion AftEr you've seen, known or been through it. Easy to say huh? I know sometimes I Do listen to other ppl's opinion and that opinion soon becomes mine. I've seen things alot clearer and I understand why somethings are this way and not another. And I also realised that.... TruSt is important and essential in everything you're trying to achieve in a group.Oh well.....Satisfaction~~!!!!

I know I have alot to change. Qualities in me that neeDs to be improved, be it good or bad. I know nothing will change or get better if I dont start seeing into it. Shall this be my new year's resolution? I guess so. But then again, it's something i say everytime this time of the year. Somethings to change, added with will power but SomEhow still stays the same. Hmm.... Stubborn? Perhaps..... We shall see.

Another year will be gone...whats up ahead? I'll never know....4 more days till the new door opens up for me.

Zombie

Im back...agAin. This time, from the ever so tiring Sayo camp. This time, it was EvEn more tiring than ever. But well, at least i had something back in return. Games department did well despite the lack of help from all the "hElpful" committees. Got piSsed off several times, but all in all, we made it. I have to say, my temper is getting worse, and i dont know why. So flabby the boSs......Im sorry for all the times that i boiled up and ExploDed. You know i dont mean to do any of those, neither did i ever thought of pissing you off. Just wanna get the job done and running smoothly. You're still the besT boSs..hehe =p

Anyway, it's christmas now. Went to Hartamas for the countdown. Couldnt stay any longer, coz i've been making my eye lids Work out and basically my body has no more strength to fight it. I am a person that nEeDs sleep and rest. So...here i am, writing out any info that i could think of without using more than 5 seconds to think bout what im gonna say. Which is why i Dont even understand what i just typed. I should update another time.....the bed is calling me in.

GooD night......Merry Christmas.

Penis Name....

Ah...Nice to be back here with my bunch of maniac friends. The pack had just left from a mini "gathEring" at my place, since parents aren't around to say anything. I think i enjoy living alone more than with my parents. I think everyone...or almost everyone would like that. It just gives you so much more time for yourself and you dont have aNy rules to comply to. YoU make your own rules. Wanna smoke while on the comp..?? SMoKE lAAaAh. Your bunch of monkey friends wanna smoke crAck....SmoKE lAaaAh...just not when im around. That's a rule. =) I like it. Too bad i only have another 4 more days left to enjoy my freedom. This is the first time im left alone for SOoo many days. Other times are just... a day or 2.

Went to do some CraZy things last nite. Besides getting to see my friends...StoNnEd and see hoW stupid they look laughing at EverY damn thing, red eyes all, i DrovE BAckwards in the housing area. Well... since there were no cars, and i got bored. So, why not? My next target? drive backwards to KLIA. Okay..after sending them back, me and Iylia went to get supper coz my stomach was screaming for food since...12 something. We got ourselves Burger Ramly. YumMm...And that's bout wraps up today....another unusual crAzy day of the Chubby and gAng.

Flabby will be away......wish u have a safe trip, take care of urself and have the bEstest Fun. Will miss that......pig. Good Night.....morning.

Btw...just for some fun...

Your Penis Name is: Godzilla

Chubby is CHuBby

Aight.... ChubbY's back to civilization...after a week in a remote area. Funny that im nEither glad nor sad to be back here. Although i Am gonna be home alone till i leave for my sayo camp coz my parents just flew to China last night. Eh..btw, you wouldnt believe that i actually gAINed 2 kg from camp. Amazing? madness should be the word. What do you expect from 5-6 meaLs a day?Even my sister said i looked like i have double chin from the side.hAhaAha.Who would like to be the first to see me really CHubBy?

Anyway....camp was alright.Except for a FeW minor things.... =).Though it was PrEtty Obvious that being a participant is SooooO much more fun. Even better...being the participants of THIS year's camp. They are ALL FreaKing pampered. Lucky lUcky people. Everything is provided... everything is nicely made easier for them... COmpAred to the time that I went...FoOohh.. these people are as though goin for a babysitting camp. And we are all baby-sitters. We're juSt toOo kind and ToooO nice. hahaha. But... they all lose out on many things... the experience and the reAL feeling of what things are really like. Oh well..... no other comments. My arms and legs are InfESted with...insect and mosquito bites. URgh.

Went to K.L today. For lunch, with Flabby and Wai Leng,my OC. Talked bout camp..typical topic of conversation especiAlly right after camp. I ate likE....a pig.Sumthing must be wrong with me. I dont usually eat Anything like that. Wonder Why....*scratches head*. muSt be camp. So...i guess now i DO deserve to be called ChuBBy. And flabby is....well... flabby. =p

Thats's all i guess. See ya.

Zombie

Tracked to Ulu Yam again today...however...turns out to be an unsuccessful survey. Will have to go back there sometime next week. I think we barely tracked to the half-way point, we came back down... Now... at 10.45.. im DeaD tired. I think im gonna go to bed...ZzZzzzZzz.

Oh... watched Alexander today. interesting show. Does make a vEry ObviouS and significant point bout how power changes a person. Forget everything but yourself.You may remember who u love... but forget to care bout what they want and how they feel. AnyWayz.... i wanna go to sleep now b4 i sleep on the keyboard and have a treasure map on my face the next morning. GooD nites.

Economy Sized Dreams Of Hope

Have u ever wondered how stRong shopaholics are...? DAmn....I Do wonder now how they can last walking for houRs...sometimes on heels or those....u know uncomfy shoes, when you dont even see them do any exercise. Incredible. Went to Midvalley today with FlabBy. Tidak bErhasil.haha. So we moved on to K.L. where we continued our search for...CAmP clothes. FlabbY needed shorts and shirts....and bag while I needed shirts. Flabby went home with a Load full of new friends for her cupboard. [just 4 shirts and 1 shorts actually =)] I’ve got 2....somewhat indecent shirts...according to flAbby.

Indecent? I think it's DarN cutE! hehe

After killiNg our lEgs, it was dinner time. Though we werent really hungry coz we had coffee bean [My bAd]. OoOh...Guess where we had our dinner?...Jalan Alor. Yummy. The whole damn street is filled with restaurants, shops, stalls of FOOD. Shared 3 yuMmy dishes, another decent conversation, and that was our closing ceremony. A brief but a pleasant trip indeed. Times like these seems to be insatiable. Well Cherished and appreciated.

Time to get my....WeLL deserved rest. good nights.

bReakfast

me...having dim sum


imitating the way smalls uses her chopsticks. lol. And i apparently ate alot of siew mai's


whats left of what supposed to be a big Group outing for breakfast.


See... i told u she eats funny. =p

ppl...especially Jocey and Vic...Dont bRing ur camera's out for DIM SUM ookAy? u guys freak me out.. but well... Jinyin needs to see what she's missed. frEaking PIG of a person. i HATE waking her UP! grrrr...

Weekend Wonders

So here I am...wrapping up yet another weekend. This week was somewhat busy...which made me looked..."hAppEning". OKay...to sum it up, after a day's break from the PreviouS Genting trip, on Friday, I went to Ulu Yam with Ah mAy,Iylia,Jace&Krystal to check out the place for an outing during camp. We were supposed to juSt LOOK for the roads leading up there....but due to the curiosity of ouR good lil flabby friend...we ended up tracking up alil bit. Both of us bRought along some "friEndS" while coming outta the tracks. Anyways...Ulu Yam was quite a nice place indeed. Even if not for the camp...I juSt might hike up there with some friends.

Oh... I went outta topic. bAck to what I was saying....I went to Genting agAin...yes again that night. This time, a night drive with May and her college mates. Stayed at a friend's apartment in Kayangan. This time... I had my blAck label.[hehe]. I think My tolerance for alcohol has DegRAded. After a couple of shots....it was My turn...to "meditate" at the toilet bowl. This time...Ah mAy took care of me...and I thAnk you for it.[it's a cycle isnt it?] I didint even have any shots neat.tsk tsk....but of course... I din have the same kinda hang over. Was just Slightly. that was fine...May drove down the next day.

Came back here in the evening. Had a SHORt nap before waking up and rushing to go dinner. Afiq's brother's wedding dinner. In Ampang. So...there I go again. I think my poor car needs some rest...so I shall let it rest tomoro and stay at home watch TV or sumthing...*shrugs*. But all's good. Thats bout wrapping up this weekend's updates. At least I think that's it. Time for dinner..... cioWs

No Warmth Under My Umbrella

ExAmS are OVER!!! NoW I can really go out and pAR-tAy! Doesnt really make much of a difference actually..not like I kEpt myself home and study THAT hard. =\ but well.... it's over, GonE until...mid next year. Wished I could say it's gone FOreVEr! Now...to do things that are more of MY kind. Things that require neither book MUGGING.. nor memorizing FActS! YUCK! yEa...that would be of course...camp stuff. Though im pretty lazy to do anything bout it...but well.. the task is given, therefore the job must be done.

Went up to genting yesterday. Stay over 1 night. And BlooDy heLL!!! what the FuCK was wrong with that day man..?? Things just couldnt get any worse. What a way to mark the ending of my exams. Total waste of the day. Maybe I should have just stayed back here and celebrate. Sigh.... not meant to enjoy?? Dont know. Funny how I feel like I have nothing to do now and feeling bored when all these while I just couldnt wait for the exams to be over and holidays to begin. Feel like im gonna be wasting my days. What am I to do? Who wanna plAy some sports with mE? or...gimme some Work to do. But plz.... NO PROGRAMMING. ARghhh... getting agitated due to the lack of sleep. Never missed my bed more than this. And nEver knew mosquitoes were SUCH IRRITATING PAIN IN THE ASSES BUGS!

GooD night.

Baby-Sitter Chubby

I seem to be doing all the things that should OnlY be done AFTER im done with my exams....Late night movie, Clubbing....bAhHh. Looks like I never change Huh? "A tiger can NevEr change its stripes" Someone once told me. Guess it's true. No mAtter how you try to change..SomEthings will stay the same.

AnyWay...Was in the mood for Nouvo last night..but Nouvo turned out......UnexPectedly quiet. As if some disease spread all over Nouvo or something. Crossed over to Atmos instead. Ladies got in free last niGht.[*ShrugS*...hEhe] dont know why. Apparently there was SomE event going on there. Nice to go back to Atmos again..after so long. EnjoyEd myself pretty much. I pity my flabby friend though....i think if i were to puke like that... My SpLEen would have came spilling out. hEh...now i know what it's like to take care of someone.....gonE. Just like taking care of a baby...ovErgrown baby.You talk to them like a baby...you keep your 100% attention on them, incase they do something Stoopid u know..?Plus it takes up ALOT of energy. Through it all, you at least get SomE kinda "entertainment". Pretty Damn amusing to see the way they react. Best thing would be...the satisfaction of knowing u made sure they're safe. =) Even when having puKE on you doesn't seem to matter when you're so engrossed with taking care of them....whether it be juz standing there watching them "meditate" at the toilet bowl...or tugging their clothes to make sure they don't TumbLe outta the window..or... falling over while sitting / squatting down...Basically i know what it feels like to take care of me...when im Shit rEtarded..though im not so sure bout the satisfaction part ...? [diD u iylia..??] But I’ll never thank you all enough for the times all of you helped me.

Just like that.... I can pass as a baby-sitter now... hahA. Gives me motivation to lift weights too...I have somE useLEss....Strength less arms! Cant even carry my dear buddy. sigh....

*note to flab-bee -
1. EAT Pig!!!!! EAT!!!!
2.Dont drink like u havent drank in a million years.
3.I did it because it's my duty as a friend.I luv u and care for u...and i AM GoD DAmn sincere bout it ok? Nothing like what YoU thought. =p

*note to self -
1. Should start exercising
2. ProgrAmming....Go stuDY!! =\

GooD night

Genuine DumbnEss

yEs....i admit. It is iNdeeD a name for ME. No onE else deserves such bEautifuL and No one else suits the name more than i do. Math....you fail it once, you're weak... you fail it twice... You're thE genuine DumbAss. I juSt Dont get why...WHY mothEr fucKEr...WHY?!?!?. I dont want to do it again.....i CAnt! CAnt repeat it again.....Not bEcause of PRIDE...FucK pride...What'S priDe? i just CAnt WASTE another 4 months doin the same thing.It's jusT a math paper..JuSt a math paper. And i just cant god damn count. Why couldnt i do it? bEcoz im juSt THAT DAmn DUmB Huh?What the hELL man....I was Gonna CHANGE. I was gonna Put effort into work that i do, into my studiEs. YEa...i had a HecK of a gRAND opEning of exams. Where's my motivation to work?? UP my ass turn left.

Keep It CoMin..Nobody Does It Better

hEy hEy..!! guEss who's back..hEh... mE, duh.... internet's been down for the past few days GoD DAmN stoopID streamyx....DeprivEd me from my daily doses. grRr..!!! Even made me think that I BLeW my modem. thAnk god I wasnt Impatient enough to go n get a NEW modem. Hmm.... a whole loAd of shit happened. I Dont even Seem to know where to bEgin. Haha...bAsically....I nEvEr knew the minDs of my dear friends were SoOoo.... "CreAtive". They never Seize to AmuSe me. AnyHo...I guess a big part of me kinda..."foRgot" how to blog...[excuses] but since the exams are...around the corner....Ermmm....tomoro.... =\

I should really get goin and buCk up my work.
gEnuiNE DumbnEss needs to be proven wrong....

Switch Sides

i have a monster in my head. It is arguing with my mind bout being the person i wanna be, and thinking the way I wanna think and DistRuping the emotions I wanna feel. Making my happiEst moments my saddest, and my saddest my happiest. While at times im sad bout how things are, im happy that this is what it is. And while I lay in bed playing the WrOnG movie scenes and letting it sip into my subconscious mind, I forgot about reality. I tend to gEt addicted with my mental movies and how perfect my life seems to portray.

I like the way i livEd in my mind. Flawless and blissful. Though according to that "being a happy teenager" book, you can change the way you are and the way u live by bRinging that mental movie scene to life, i seem to like mine the way it is....maybe keeping certain things in your head is better than bringing it to life. Nothing so perfect and wonderful could live outside of my mental world. In the end, it would just be like everything else, desTroyEd and flawed. YEs, i live in 2 worlds. One in which i'vE created and one in reality, it's not so baD....it's the bEst i could do. And though i Sometimes tend to get these two worlds miXed up, im trying to FIX that. so...im sorry, if i dont seem normal for awhile...saying things that i shouldnt say, feeling certain emotions that doesnt seem to FiT the timing. Im just confused. or maybe because im arguing with the monster in my mind. And though i live in 2 worlds, im still the same person. it's just thE outcomes of my life that are Slightly.....different.

Change is always a challenge.
Acceptance….is a cause of change or an effect of change?

Got What I Need

Bought a book from MPH yesterday..."Being a happy teenager". You know... One of those books by Andrew Matthews. Does make me change certain point of views. OKay, so maybe after reading that book I could be a happy teenager.. nyAhaha. [ iyliA!.. u should read man!] Difficult situations are quite simple actually... what makes it hard...is ourselves. We all go look at the situation in a negative way, and it is suicide. We SHouLDn't think that way, and if we can change the way we think, we change the situation. nice? right....i shall go on reading. I'll let u know if i have changed or not... hahaha.

For now.... i nEEeEeD to go study, FINALS Eh..?!?!? sigh... Who wants to go ReaD bout computers and Networks...bout RJ-45, ROM BIOS, OSI,AppleTalk,Bla bLA bla and crap when i can go on n read bout being happy...?? =) im goin to college....stonE in the library...cIOWs!

Inevitable

"Friendship, of itself a holy tie, Is made more sacred by adversity."
-- Charles Caleb Colton

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.
--Hugh Elliott

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
--Alan Watts

"Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or a greater Benefit."
-- Napolean Hill

"The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."
-- Homer

"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."-- Sir James Matthew Barrie

"O, Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying to ourselves that we are born to eternal life. Amen."-- Saint Augustine

"The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope."-- Walter Benjamin

Like is said....i cant resist. The ones in bold are the ones that seems to have movEd me mOre than....the non bold ones.

Wonders Of Words

SomEthings are quite irrisistable...I think i would rather go for philosophy class rather than be here in computers and network class now...hEhehE..

"Dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together."

"Our lives improve only when we take chances -- and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."
-- Walter Anderson
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives."
--A. Sachs

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
--Will Rogers

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
-- Anne Dudley Bradstreet

"When you are in a state of nonacceptance, it's difficult to learn. A clenched fist cannot receive a gift, and a clenched psyche--grasped tightly against the reality of what must not be accepted--cannot easily receive a lesson."
-- Roger John

"Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke

"We become wiser by adversity; prosperity destroys our appreciation of the right."
-- luscious Annaeus Seneca

"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer."
-- Shunryu Suzuki

This list is gonnA be nEvEr ending...so..therE..juz a few nice stuff that i've pickEd out that made my day somewhat peaceful. May it change the way others think too.

Mental Movie Scenes

It’s amAZing how memories nevEr seize to give you emotions throughout the day...juz like food for the mind.Memories...when it's good...makes you feel the utmost joY and satisfaction for being able to have things that happened in your life you know you've enjoyed and now cherish. bAd memories run through your head like a movie that's repeating over and over again. Everything seems to be related to the past. The echoes of words circling in your head. The haunting voices that seems to be ScrEamIng right into your ear drums. The feeling of..... what uSed to be there lingers on.

dont sometimes you feel like having a bRain of a child? You wont remember anything GooD nor bad after awhile...lonGest maybe a few months or sumthing..PluS they're too young to understand all the complicated feelings and emotions.MAybe if i could be like that.....how endlessly blissful it would be.....

A PeeK into reality

Ignorance and hate mingling in my head,
hAte the game of life that will nevEr stop till death
taking a pause..coz my character is dYing,
here i am, laying down all my thoughts, surrendering to the void.

i climb out to reality and find that the world is slipping away,
let it go, i say, let it go.
how long must i hide myself?
because no one knows, they just dont know.
My God..i hear my mind sighs,
i'm the kid who wants to be....me.
and My God, i hear it sighs again,
as i see whats real from whats not.
and damN,
there goes what i thought was life,as i see the real thing.

Uncountable times of faith slipped away,
times when i just sLEeP my day through,
times when i wishEd i was stronger.
so mEssEd up, but im still alive.
these are all the times that i hit hard,
but fail to spot, and fall to the ground.
and i find myself crippled by the fall,
why couldnt i be like everyone else?
im not impressed, not at all.
What i've got is what i've lost,
what is gone....is over.

the times of my inevitable mooD swings, undeniably insane
have i gone to far inside my own mind?
time to get my head outta the hole now...

Finally

FinaLLy....just completed the final piEce of StrESSful work which will mark the end my worries...and sleepless nights. After today...i can sorta....sleep in peace knowing that hALF the world is lifted off my shoulders. surprisingly i could survive staying up till this time...when i would usually be in lala-land by now...OKaY...maybe my concentration is half gonE...making stOopID mistakes like printing the wrong pages...giving the wrong titles for the articles...not seeing that i've overlapped my pictures on my text...ok...it's quite bad.. hahaha...what the heCk...im DonE..!! StoOopID Assignments..!! gEt awaY from mE... i shall be freed and be tied down no more. yAy... okAy... 4 sumthing im tired...hunGRy...sleepy and erm...bluR.i should go now... good nite everyone...goodnitE my blog.

Backside pain

I feel like an elderly person. Just after a nice game of badminton yesterday...Now...I cant even SIT right. Butt hurts as thought I HUmPed a cow.Quite surprising though...i didnt think that i could even hit anything, but i turned out not SOO rusted afterall..of course i wasnt stoopid enough to go and play with ermm....ASs WhoopErs like...flabby... or i would have got my yellow ass nicely WhiPPed. i should go look for more sports to occupy my time..now that i dont play sports much no more. =)

hEhe...forgot to mention i had a "nice" ride on my way to the Tmn Megah badminton court.Flab-bee was in a bad MOoD...0.o [flabb-bee...dont let your emotions take control of you okAy? your mood worries me].

anyhow....IM in the college lab now..hehehe...suRprised? mayb for thoSe who uSed taylors lAusy comp lab b4....hahaha...Multimedia presentation class now.! cioWs

Whats so wrong?

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/2878/

take this as in invitation into a world of SICK people...and a window to how LOW homosexuals stood. Hatered...despises...rage...all these felt towards someone who is gay.WHY? What the FuCk did gay people ever did man? have they no RIghTS at all to live the way they do? Read the story of Matthew Shepard, a 21 year old student who was bRutally beaten to death juSt because he IS who he IS. That is mAdnEss..You get discriminated....talked trash about..bullied..hated iS already a bad enough thing... but to be bEAten to death by ppl who ThiNKs that bEing who you are is not right...is totally FuCkEd up alright.Why cant they live the way they do?Why cant they get the same amount of respect just like everyone else? Just because they dont prefer the opposite sex just like everyone else? just because SomE moTHEr FUCkEr thinks that gays dont belong in the world then they just have to be beaten to death? Wat thE Fuck is wrong with people man? Whats So wrong with being different? MOtHEr fuCKErs....go Fucking burn in hell for this shit.

StuDy THISSSSS....

Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

An interesting way to remember how things works....simplE yet nice way to expain physics. braVo...

CALCULUS

If only I could get to the derivative of you,
To navigate your slope just like I used to do,
Your sine curve so smooth, so well elevated,
Just waiting for me to come and make it integrated.
Remember how during our second differentiation,
I'd derivate and agitate until I'd reach acceleration?
My little pet parabola whom I so much adore,
Why can't we have a functional relationship once more?

THIS...is supErB....FlaBb BeE agrEes on thiS HUh? LikE math now? lol

Been Awhile

hEh....been awhile. Was occupied with aloT of work lately...however the torment is NOT over yet. not until the end of this month....then i can relax alil before thE ultimate NiGhtmaRE begins in November.Cant get toooo lAiD back... im juz beginning to build my momentum to Finnally work for my studies. No onE would believe me if i were to tell them...i've been spending ALOT of time in LIbrary studying....doin my math. DAmn..im proud of myself! Sigh...off to do work.....take care all....

Quality Time

Woo Hoo... i did the unthinkable... actually NOt tHAt unthinkable... juz that i drove up to Genting in the middle of the night and came back doWn EARLY in the morning.... Was thinking of staying abit longer for sunrise... siGh..nvm... There's always AnotHEr time! =) [right piGgie?] hAd a real good time up there...more like GooD quality time.didnt do much...talked bout.......physics[would u believe it?? hehe] over a nice cup of drink, and cigS...Ahh... thats the life. juSt kick back and enjoy..... Nice weather...good companion....intEreSting topics of conversation...nice drink...DUNHILL. Feels like being in heaven or partial of it.....to mE la.

Nearly got my AsS screwed today...tried to be a smarty pants and tell my mum i came back at 4....but terkAntoi....coz... mum actually woke up when i reached home....well... at least she was nice enough to let me off after a slight nag. Anyway.....yum cha... bye bye

Tremble no more

mEga tired today... 9 hours of class is DeadLy.....passivE non-voluntary euthanasia... yEah... that's what it looks or rather feels like. Been buSy with my tons and tons of workload. Getting that euthanasia presentation donE was a big lift off my shoulders....Still more to come. PRobably means I'll have less time to blog this month...Still alot more to do. No more playing around for me....I don't wanna be a 28 year old unDErgraduate. =) will change... Will change.

AnyWAy...Just wanna express the satisfaction of being able to present my points today. No more tRembLing chubby in front of the class that seemed to know nuthing but stone n blink. Hell... I debAtEd my point of view with my lecturer...hehehe... achiEvement for lil me. Aight... looks like things are all goin pretty well for me at this moment in life. Im...At peace at least. appreaciate it. Couldn't ask for more.

Loving it....

Dance with guilt

I am but only human,
mistakes, abundant I've made
but this,
this was different.
as honest as I could be
I felt the utmost guilt,
and tonight,
tonight I see the disappointment in her eyes,
and im sorry, I am your biggest mistake.

Is honesty truly the best way? In a land of guilt....i could stay forever here.

Honored

Who'd ever thought that i would even have a celebration for my silly 18th birthday? Wat do you know? juz celebrated it for the second time today.Big surprise...it turned out to be. Had NO idea bout it at all thanks to the wonderful mind of my dear friend who nevEr seize to Amaze me [or mayb im juz EASILY tricked..which i know everyone will agree]. i Was NEvER more surprised so many times in a day before. Im just......lost for words. nEver more happy than tonight and never more thAnkful .Thank YOu ALL for suprising me...and another 10000000 more thank yous to thE pigGie.LovE u loTS

i was hit with sudden thoughts that seemed to force itself into my head tonight. I realized that life, is like cooking a dish.And emotions are like spices to make it have more colors...more taste.Not everyone who cooks the same dish will have the saMe taste. Even when the same person cooks it..it differs from time to time. sometimes it doesnt turn out as good...sometimes it turns out just right.SomEtimes, some people get lucky, they manage to produce a nice tasting dish by accident. And we...we are the people that eats the dish. How we view life and how we view the dish differs from one person to another.Some may find it satisfying enough eventhough it's not really thAt good.Some cant stand the taste eventhough its pErfeCt.Everytime we tasted something good, we always have something to compare to.You want to strive to get the better tasting food, but if u dont get to find it,ur not satisfied.but to people who has tasted ShitS...mud..rotten food. A plain dish with not much of colour and taste would seem almost like a five star meal to them.

"To desire is To Suffer". If we could give out ALL of our love and not expect anything back in return, however still feel happy... happy that you could give it all to make a difference...make someone happier,someone's life better, go through hardship but not for your own benefit....thats what i see...as the meaning of love.Love is......Undeniably sublime. Its not only love to a significant person..but to everyone.Love is often viewed as bad, becAuSe you jus simply dont get wat u want back.simple. Love as many people as possible...and dont expect anything back, except to see them smile with happiness and laugh with joy.

Jigsaw Puzzle

Faith..What is faith? Sick of all the faith. Faith to face a better day? Faith to feel better? Fuck it all. I dont even have faith to complete my course....dont have faith to sleep well.Losing my will to turn over to a new leaf before i could even turn over.How stupid. i WisH i knew what im feeling. Im a different person by day, and another by night. As if light changes my personality. Im swept off my feet, and im MAD again.

Im pretending that i feel alright. "NothIng's bothering me. Im fine. it's juz a mood swing".yEA... keep telling myself that, i juSt might change Huh? I can feel the four walls are closing in on me, putting pressure on my hEAd...i can feel the rush.Place my hand on my head and i can hear it say,"It's gonna BloW!! it's gonna BloW!!".And what do i do? i stonE around, coz im helpless and it's driving me craZy.Hypothesis, i hAve bad moodswing when nIghTbreaks.Insane solution??...would be Locking me up in a room where there will be sunlight for the wholeday, regardless of whether it's day or night. Conclusion, i will be saved again.

All throughout my life..i've never seen myself this craZy. "An adult should have developed conventional reasoning at the age of 13 and up"-Kohlberg's model of moral development. And i..i cant reason.With the reason, i think im having a mental breakdown.If according to the Maslow Hierachy,self-actualization-No self actualization of what im born to do. Esteem,-No esteem because i DO feel inferior,weak and helpless.Love,affection and belongingness,-I cannot escape my longing to belong.Safety,-I dont feel safe..from myself.Physiological,-Not hEAlthy..losing my appetite and depriving of biological needs. My hierachy is the kinda hierachy of a person living in mental institutions. but..ThiS is mE... when the lights go out.

I thought i dread mornings....but i find.. that i dread the nights even more. tHe stress has got hold of me.I cant let go. and im giving in. See me here...what has become of me? "who are you?", i point to my reflection.

The Worse for Wear

tEAr down the roof, tEAR down the GoD damn wall. Breakthrough the doors, SMash thE fucking windows.Smack me in the face with a frying pan. break me. SLAP mE. Shoot me with tranquilizer. ANYTHING!!! Let me be calm again. Im assaulted. by my own head.gOd damn, make the bangings in my head stOP!SuddenLy i feel so Angry...miXed with rage...frustration. i CAnt seem to do anything to change It. i seem helpless..towards my OWN emotion, as if too tiny and weak to do anything.

I know im probably just piSSed off coz i know im losing. im fighthing with time, and im gonna lose.Knowing that i may not finish aLL of my assignments in time is one thing. I cant finD my assignment question is another thing. Waking up after a SHORT nap that made me feel like shit is also AnotHer thing.What thE hELL is wrong with me? i KNow, its Stupid to get all agitated over small lil matters like this.i Know it, but i just cant help it. it's worst than trying to solve a mind boggling case. I AM the mind boggling thing.i Have a headache.."go get some rest" i hear. Get up and continue my work in the morning?. i DreaD the mornings. For every morning im beginning to feel worse everyday. i Dread it because i know it's another day at college, another day closer to the dateline, Another day which brings another piece of work, anothEr day that i feel lost during lectures and another day of realizing that i might fail my finals.

i Rant alot tonight. i think if this goes on, we'll all just sit and watch how long i can battle for sanity. ARGHh..!!WhatEver that's invaDing my hEad...GEt THE fuCK Out and lEAve me alone! FUCK OFFF!!!!!

Flawed

Something's Undeniably wrong with me today. Exhaustion came and stayed through out the WhoLe day...not to mention including night and it just wont go away. Fought to stay awake during programming class..not like it made much of a difference...eye lids were too heavy. Even after coming home to take a nap, it seemed to get worse.As if the stupid hang over came back again. Argh..dont feel like eating either. Sigh...im just stoned.

My mind is ScreAming to move, but my body is denying it's signals..ignoring its cries. Old memories Echoing the corners of my head,sounding like EviL, cruel laughs.And i want to move, i wanna break free,but only the lil tiny squeaks slips out. Feel like im standing on top of a big piece of ice thats slowly cracking. And sOmEthing caused me to stonE, as if something SO unbelievable or scary, i Froze, instead of turning around and run for my life.The ice breaks away,the sound of my heavy breathing drowns out the sound of the calm water...im left stranded on the ice and im floating away.Float to where? i dont know.

I sat at the table. Eyeing my dinner.Stomach's growling, i want to eat,but i just cant eat. So i just sat,looming at everything. I lie in bed, stare at the ceiling. whats hapening to me?Another mood? A split personnality? Multiple Personallity disorder? i am what i am, but im not what i am. What am i saying...?

Legally...ovErdosed

juSt came back from my one night stay at genting. hAd an AweSomE time there, bbq with the few ppl who are closest to my heart. Every action has a reaction. haha hAd so much fun last nite, today i get to StonE the whole day suffering in silence the consequences of partying too hard. Right..im finally LEgal. Dont make mE do bad things..i can go to jail now....though in many people's eyes im still 1 year and 8 months instead of 18 years. i had aloT more than expected. Its nice not to expect anything in someways. Like Siddharta Gautama said "to desire is to suffer". Im just glad that things turned out the way it did. May not be the bESt thing that could happen to a person, but i Couldnt ask for more.my heart took a picture. it is a day indeed unforgettable.A bIG thANk you to all who made it happen.i love you all

A Child's Cry

Something getting onto me today.Feeling alil Edgy.i guess i cant be left alone the whole day.Makes mE think too much.As much as i want to be alone doin my own things without the consent of others, i cant be left alone for too long. im beginning to contradict myself.Something's bothering me...the ironic thing is...i dont know what it is.How irritAting.Sigh... the best things HAS to happen at the bESt times. Cigarette prices is Hitting the roof. Time to let the habit slip?? BigGer sigh.....

Had a nice time talking bout topics WoRth talking bout today... what else? the future. How adultHood is coming head on to us whether we want it or not.God damn SOn of a bitch time slipping by so Fast i Havent even got the grip that im 18 in a week and in another 4 months i've got to look into the mirror and expect to look at a 19year old idiot who hasnt done anything worth living for yet.At least today's conversation motivated me in someways that i have not seen it before.Im glad indeed that i could look at the SicK pilE of workload and see a brighter side of it now. Forgive me for all the times i've neglected my work and things that i shouLD have taken into consideration before making a decision. Education may NEvEr be too late..however, im still feeling the regret as i watch all my hopEs n dreams slip away like water in my hands.Sometimes im stUpiD enogh Not to see how We could change the way we live. i gave in too much into bElieving that my life was at the mercy of the relentless word called "Life".Life is noT..juSt like that. It could be something else..jUSt that im TOO bliND to see beyond it.As StupID and blind as i can be,the conversation today have sparked somEthing new in me. At lEAst, after today, i could look forward to a new goal. A goal not only set to be accomplished by me, but by all 5 of us who HOpE and wish.. that our "Empire" will someday be built. The day when i could look back and laugh at suCh a miserable life i lived in before, how Worthless it was to live off your parents support. The day when i shall rant bout life no more. WhEn all the bitChing stops. That day i will wait.

tOmorrow i shall set to run away into the mountains away from the land that rendered me helpless. A holiday that i THInk i deserve. Just a one day break from all the nonsense here.Going to the same place twice in the same week wouldnt kiLL. juSt might improve my driving skills. hopEfully, i'll get my tanggled up mind straighten. a chEap affordable holiday,Genting's just the right place to be. TO all of my friends who are having exams this whoLE week... wish u all the luck you need. i love you all.

The Effects Of Blog Deprivation

AhHh...YAY!!!finally...i can type something here. God knows what happened to my blog.Kept me away from blogging for the past...dont remember how many days. okay... back to reality. Im on holiday now. 1 week away from college. Happy?? not really. not that i miss college.. nor the work..im actually having more work than ever.Looks like holiday aint so much a holiday for me...SigH.Work loads have been piling up mountains high and it doesnt seem to be getting any less. goSh...i'm never gonna stop RAnting bout it. hehe.

Hmm... am i getting old or am i juz losing the feel to do anything..? weekends..dont feel like doin anything much. Sitting on a quiet hilltop with No onE around you with afew of your good friends seem to be the best choise, birthday..dont feel like doing anything as well...juSt mayb a smALL dinner or somesort.instead of going crazy head banging or listening to the hustle footsteps and people's screams or being in the middle of a biG crowd that smothers the life outta you, Just the company of some close friends in a place where we can all sit down and talk is reALLy good enough. i Wonder why...? i never used to be like this. I uSed to feed on the noise and havoc around me in order to have...a "goOd night". hEh...but now.. things are different. Not that im deproved of fun and excitement, just dont feel like doin it.hmm.. i muSt be getting old.. hehe =) or not....im just being a GoOod kid.

See...this is what happens when im not allowed to POSt anything for..some time. Gila abit.

tata.

"caramel stick"

Everything works their own way. If all is brought together,confusion will be caused.
For Every gram of odinary stuff that we see, there are several grams of UnSeen matters.

Where does consciousness come from? How does those Funny looking electrical patterns in our brains allows us to feel and have thoughts? And y cant other things have feelings and thoughts? Y cant the electrical currents cause the fridge to movE...or the comp to talk back? hEh...no Answers to it huh? Nobody knows...I really Would like to know. Imagine what you could accomplish with those knowledge. Probably the ability to control you emotions, your movements, your thoughts...EveryThing..since, every goD damn thing is controlled by the Wantan looking thing. Science...a field i had always HopEd to be a part of...though that dream has fade away, A fan of science, i would always be... So..SomE sMarty pAnts out there pLese work hard to solve these FunNy questions man..coz i aint never gonna have the chance to figure it out.

The wantan looking thing....filled with oVerlapping layers and layers of ceLLs..bloOD...all kinDS of NonsEnse....hoW does it differ from one to another? How does that make each and every individual different? How am i different from you..from the muRderers..from the robbers...from the kiDs across the streets.?? iF i were to EAT someone's bRaIns would i be like them?LOL.

MUrDer.What causes a person to kill??Besides being caused by preasure, accidents. Especially Serials.WHat makes them...them?We cause suffering...death to our own kind more than any other thing sharing this piece of land we call home...and yet we are not so pertubed by the presence of EACh other.Depsite knowing how dangerous one can be, we largely endure the presence of every human, taking them as a part of our lives without thinking twice if they would ever cHange.

Im asking SooO many questions that are unanswerable at this momEnt that is Almost causing my double helix to tWist into SOme...pretzel which CoulD possibly turn me into SOmeonE else...hmm...gEniuS maybe? =)

Maybe my hEad is currently full of.."caramel sticks". My dear biG buDdy offered to make me onE....and world record size. haha...im just nuTs at the moment..might have some electrical ShoCk somewhere in my wantan. So..there... another tRash talk by lil chubby...

cioWs...im off to watch movie while waiting in anticipation for my "caramel stick".

Deoxyribonucleic Acid

Fight for the lASt bit of sanity...they say. Well...i lOokEd more like im fighting FOr insanity. Y does the mind have to Wonder Huh? AnYWay...fuck it all... i Giv up pOndering on all these Unanswerable bullshit that is Eager to drive me to a one-way street DoWn insanity lane. Go AwaY....LEt all the madness be gonE.

hEy..guess what..? we're all made up of SUgar, phosphoric acid and some nitrogen-containing bases. And..for some reason, thEse..funny miXtures determines our biological structure.These WonDerful SUgars...acid and nitrogen Stuff stores our genetic information. Deoxyribonucleic Acid...not only determines your physical outlook...but also mentality. Means...SomEwhere along the line...i am the way i am because of my parents. because of certain genes inherited From them.Although Alot of other surrounding elements causes our behaviour to change.IntEresting. SO nExt time...if you dont like me...come dig out my DNA n kill that part that you dont like okAy? nAhh im juz kidding...if you dont like me...biTE me. hEHhe..I wonder what kinda Sugar turned me into......thiS? LOL.

Actually i kINDa forgot what i wanted to SAy..... =_=" Aih....SOmEthing muSt have been Eating up my SugAr!! lEaving me insufficient space to store my mEmories...DAng it... =) Mayb im high on sugar tonite... cant stop thinking bout NonsenSe...probably partial of my brains cells have been mutated into Some other sort of....something. im beginning to think that im not the cause of Who i am...

Why are you taking away what you gave to me in the first place? Why are u willing to giv it to me...but not wiling to let me keep it?Why tell me you trust me but you dont?Why look at me like im everyone else?....Why

Endless

okAy...so yEs..indeed i felt better today...yesterday must have been those kinda emotional days...a sudden load of weight that i felt i couldnt take. Not that i could feel anymore emotions today compared to yesterday...but at least..im oVer SuLking bout being empty at the mean time..fuck it...i say.I Doubt it will stay away for long...soon enough..i'll see the SamE damN scene all over again...A walking contradiction...im soon to become. I dont know if it's good or bad...but i dont Seem boThEred to care bout it.So what right? So what? DrOp the shit topic....let it be.

Today...Wednesday morning saw me aLmost dying of stomach pain. Didnt know what happend...not too sure if it was my breakfast or gastric.Whatever that was...it huRt reaL bad.Thank goodness it didnt last THAT long...was just an agonizing hour and i was Me again. oRaits...tomoro...moral studies test...gotta go now n read up some notes.

gooD nite all.

To Desire Is To Suffer. To suffer the cause of gEtting what you desire and to suffer the cause of the unfulfilled desire.

Empty Tank

it's been quite awhile... but im juz finally saying it...finally feeling ReaLLy damn sick n tired of being me....mayb im juz bORed...bored. it's like im fighting for sumthimg... but i dont know what im fighting for.as for now... i am Neither happy.... nor sad. im juz empty. Like a tank...empty tank. a tank that's empty not because it has Holes in it... but empty because there's juz nothing in it.

mayb it's juz tonight...im feeling not right.

mayb it's juz today...and tomoro it will all go away.

mayb.....just mayb

Who am i?

accEptance is it juSt a word...? or not.?? how many really Do understand the meaning of acceptance and really know how deep that word could be? EVerytime something hAppends...accept it. Everytime something changes...accept it. in fact...i think we're all SlavEs to that word... NO onE..and i mean No One could live through life WihoUt having to accept anything. Acceptance to mE....its about having to succumb to the inevitable...whether u like it or not. Everything you do..is goin round in circles. things change --> accept --> settle down. and then it GoEs again..n again...n again..until the day u cant anymore. SigH....when will it ever be the last time we will succumb to this?

acceptance chanGes you... changes mE. Changed the person i uSed to be. Now i stare in the mirror and wonder, where was the person that i once knew? where was the person that i had to let go? now i see a person with hardly any emotions...hardly any facial expression. Everyone look at me and think that im juz a smilEy face...some iDiot who knows nothing but smile. GooD in some ways. kEeps the distance between WhAt you know...and Who u know. Everyday of my life is the same thing...repeating itself. im getting bored of it..getting bored of not having any emotions.. the only emotion i get... is satisfaction..from my cigs....and Thankful from knowing i have good friends..n im glad that thEy DO care for me.they have Proven that. okay...So wat..im emotionless??...So Wat.. if i cant feel anything more than thankful and satisfaction?? through it all... i couldnt ask for more...mAyb in someways....this is happiness... and I might have already achieved that without even noticing it. mayb i took it all for granted. mAyb this iS the person that i wanted to be...the kind of attitude that i was Dying to change into. From the times when i was soft, vulnarable and easily influenced to what i see in me today..i feel no guilt that i am what i am now. I know acceptance had made the stupid kinda mentallity that i used to have into something more meaningful.

Mayb acceptance had made me moderate enough in many ways i never thought i could be. I admit, that i have many things that im unsatisfied with. I know what they are but there's nothing much i could do about it..i am...but only human.Yes..the pathetic being that is battling my MixEd emotions in my head. I will have to ovEr come these dissatisfactions...before I think ofsiCk twistEd things that i might have created on my own cloUds my thoughts.For noW.....the answer to my question..?? yEs... im contented....though not too suRe bout being finallY HappY yet.

Disorder

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid 34% Schizoid 54% Schizotypal 38% Antisocial 10% Borderline 34% Histrionic 30% Narcissistic 10% Avoidant 18% Dependent 38% Obsessive-Compulsive 38%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

im quiet,

but im saying so much.

spoken,

but not heard.
alive,

but dead.

listening in submassive silence,

the dull moans of a pathetic being.

i am the warrior of my world,

with great valour,

i battle my feelings, my emotions.

and in the real world

i am,but only a pathetic being,

bounded by laws .

i,escape the laws,

and i am...

disordered.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (52%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (38%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

lol...are they saying that im suppOseD to be lEft-handed?

explains y i eat with my left..

Prisoner of thE creatoR

Prisoner of YouR creation, left me rebelling by nature
why do u leave me So unSatisfied?
Why do u leave me having to succumb to this feeling i hate to face?
WHat am I?
you toy?
your experiment?
i began to show DEFECT and failure,
is that how you see me?
am i sOmE kinda investment to keep you "safe n warm"?
As far as Your "inVestment" goeS..you can kIss my ass and FoRget about it.
you're looking at YEars down the road without me.
am i piSsing you off?caNT stAnd me anymore?
cant stand looking in the mirror staring at that face that crEAted mE?
Feel like you've nEvEr failed like this b4?
well.. look at me longer... im a failure you have to face all yoUr life.congrats.
look mE deep into my eyes, into my soul...
i'll NEVER be anything like you, not even close. not that i cant... i Dont want to
and with your stubbornness, you shall forever look at me as the stranger that gave you a hard time in ThiS life..and nothing else...
onE day, ThE words you speak shall never have anything to do with me again.
Dont fool me about a life you never gave me.

"i know the truth now,
i know who you are,
and i dont love you anymore" - everybody's fool

one day you will look back n you'll see for YourSelF everything and everyone's life that has been affected by you.
the way everyone has hAd eNOUGh of your BULLSHIT and the way you're losing everything.
the way you make me HAtE to see your FAce..
the very face that diSguSt the deepest part of me.
i'll MakE it Without you...Nothing i ever did Was WITH you anyway.
And you? you get to have all your life remembering me THIS way.
thiS is mE...u were never a part of me...n you never will
bcoz in your eyes... im not who u want me to be.
so this... is my ReSpeCt to you.
the kind of respect that you NEvEr thought you would gEt...
think u deserver bEttEr?
think again.

PiCts oF thE crazy ppl around mE

DUgong! the mastErpiece


izzie's bDay


all My big bullies...


more bullying scenes


jace's tAttoo...[flying roach!] haha j/k


hAlOo?


CHubBy & ChuBby..=p


JERON!!! cute?


mE n jocey

Philosophical

“Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.” - Confucius. A saying I had always lived to. Though never knew it came from Confucianism. Confucianism however doEs stick some thoughts in my head...I believe in someways Confucianism teaches you to do things with love, goodness and the purest of the heart. Confucius said that everything that you do should be done FOr the love of doing it. He also stated that in someways, believing in religion is not done for the love of the religion but to expect something in return. for example, religion teaches us to do good deeds and in return, you may be "rewarded" to be a higher being or some sort. This would result in people doing the good deeds not fOr the love of doin good deeds, but for the sake of getting rewarded.It's all human nature i would say.....that almost everything that we do, we expect something in return. There isnt much that we all do for the love of doing it, unless it benefits us in someways.

Have you ever thought that if...everyone had followed confucious's teachings, all the BuLLshit corruptions today would not exist?Hell...dont think MOney would even exist..i mean..wats the use of currencies if everything that you do need not have anything back in return? i think the world would definitely be a much more peaceful place. But then again... u know how the world could NEVER be perfect. Not EvErythiNG could be done with the willing heart. and not everything that you do in life..is something that you truly love to do.For example...y do people work? bEsides getting the money..we all work our asses off for a reason...survival. Everyone nEeds to survive. Getting your education and after that going to work is not something that people would TruLy love.Sure...there ARE people who love their job so much they're willing to work oVertime for nothing. but that's a different case. we're talking bout people in general. How many are really like that?Even when they REALLY REALLY loVe their job..they're still looking forward for pAy day... and im Pretty sure of that.

Aristotle said... that babies are born innocent. and i agree with that. juz like a piece of art. Art begins on an empty white canvas.Along the way, the canvas gets painted with all the different types of colors and in the end? however the painting looks like... is like how the person is. Humans tend to imitate one another.If they happen to follow someone gooD they would be good..and likewise. Paintings are juz alike...depending on their painter, if the painter enjoys dark colors, then the outcome of the painting would be dark...and likewise. And yEs... i also agree with Yong Jee May's definition of life as a piece of music... same kinda meaning... =) [refer to scoopie's blog]

anywayz... i think enough of all these philosophical BuLL crap at this time of the day.Im supposed to be researching on Taoism anyWay..Juz thought that the ways of Confucianism is interesting...however debatable.hEck..everything iS..

till the next time i feel philosophical....gooD nites

Bliss?

nothing said,
nothing done.
the whole world passes by,
nothing brought forward, nothing brought back.
no haunting past, no worrying future.
let go of everything
forgive the unmerciful ways of life
this moment...is mine.
cherished.
wind gushes over,
sweeps the hair away.
lips curl into a smile.
I'm calm.
blank....But contented..Peaceful...
finally happy?

Patience...

PATIENCE!!!...doesnt this word seems to drive you NuTs?I think i'd rather be inSane than to face EaCH and everyday of my life forcing myself to be patient.Never seem to understand why i tend to EXPloDe so fast.Every lil small thing is ticking me off.God i need to start meditating...need to go for counseling classes...to be specific ANGEr management classes.Hate the way it ruins your day and u feel like you cant do anything bout it.You couldnt juz keep it in.Anger runs through my veins like electricity...every entry point has to have an exit SomEwhere.Keep it in...and i'll Die of the shock...let it out..and ppl will hate me or i will ge my knuckles bruised.or sore throat mayb..Anger hits me so fast, i barely have time to think bout my actions b4 i could do anything or say anything.Nuthing seemed to matter more than LEtting it all out.Everything else dissapears except the fire burning inside.And later feel like StonEs raining over your head....hitS you hArd..BANG! and u drown with guilt.

HAte it Even more to know that u wake up every morning and when u have a bad day... you're goin through SHITS for NO purpose.Y do we HAVE to wake up and face each n coming day? Y are we all hEre in this miSarable place when I didnt chose to?Y cant it all End? pointless questions huh? or stUpid more rather.I know i make it seem like im the only fucker facing these shits...but juz cant help the thoughts from comin in my head.My life is not that bad... in fact... it's all good... but wats the point rite?you can never bring your happiness nor wealth nor friends...not Anything down to your grave with you.You're juz a soul slipping in and out of a body.YOu're born,you live through your troubles..you fail...you succeed..but in the end? what do u gEt? nOthing...GoD Damn...if i hAdn't had faith in religion..i'd bE gone.Life's all bout Ys'....Slip into this body..and Y cant this..y cant that...Slip into another body and Y cant this....Y cant that... it's NEvEr ending.Hell...im gonna make me LoSe my mind!GoD knows wat thE heck is wrong with me today...could it be that im tired? or feeling funny after watching Sonia leave..?goD knows man...god knows...what I know?? i know im gonna think bout more shits if i dont stop now n go to bed.

GooD nite.

Uninspired Moments

Nothing much interesting to inspire me lately...sigH...i think my life's getting boRing! Last night, me,jace,jade,and afew of Cheng May's friends gathered at a park to prepare some surprise thingy for her. we lit up candles.And DAmit, those candles were having some hard time Staying "alive". Plus we were all late...afraid that Eddie n Cheng May will reach there b4 we were done, we RuShed like...it's the last day of our lives.Not to mention that i BummEd into a street light poLE while reversing..DAmit!.All of our hard work lighting them up and a BlOody gush of wind kiLLS them..arGH! but...good thing when she arrived, the candles were still...ookAy.Could see the ShoCked look printed all over her face. PooR Eddie, got scolded all the way back from their dinner place, bcoz he blind folded Cheng May for SOo long she was getting pissed.hahaha...Well... nice to see those kinda look...then you'll know that, whatever you've done, pAiD off.

Friday night, went for Jazz Fest.ok..DOnt gimme that funny look alright..it's not my first.AnyWayZ...it was nice.Mayb becoz i dont listen to it often..or mayb becoz im being a JakUn..or mayb becoz it's LIVE??the show somehow, kept me interested the whole nite. My butt hurts now from sitting too loNg...ouCh..Would u belif that i sat there from 9 till 12..and i only got up once, for toilet.Hmm.. it's an achievement for me..i dont think i could ever sit somewhere STILL for half an hour. but then, i did nothing but sit on that chair and watched the show.i guess to me, the most interesting parts were all the solos.It's where u get the bEst outta them.Drum solo is GoOoOood.! haha. Wouldnt mind goin back for more.IM SeriouS!

Picts from Jeemay's bday

CAndLehead may


BuDDy buDdY!


Group pict


hAh???



Hantuu!!!!


preTTy women

Funny faces of our future LeaDers....o.O

COokie MOnStEr!


errr....??


iyliA.....o.O


ChEck out the NOSe man!!!....MassiVE!


AaaAaaaaa

Glory, glory chin chubby!

Fuh...im SupEr mega tired. Played futsol juz now.Everytime after a game, i feel like some OlD person. with all the aches everywhere.Im so NOt fit man...need to Play more sports! ANyHO....was a SupErb game today..im beginning to loVe this game.Drains the Life outta u..but fun....totally......except for the part that i got SLamEd at the ear by this bIg guy. [He's biG man..no joke] Felt like my ear was gonna come off.MusT be the bad thing bout being so small...EverY tOm dick n hArry can push me around without any fuss.they juz gotta stick their hand or arm out n u'll see me rolling like the ball...the last time i played futsol, I got SLamed at my thighs...and tHE wonderful Colors came about n stayed for a few days.[Sakit tho] But oh well... which sports Doesnt cause you harm? plUs it's fun...to me la. noW i feel like getting myself a pair of futsol shoes...hehehe shoulD i??

Friday nite,went to voyeur for my lil friend Sonia's farewell gathering or somesort.Saw many lil kiDdos or..lemmings that arent legal to go clubbing in K.L...lol =p. they all looked pretty gooD.HMm...i got tipsy again...SurpRised? guEss not huh?Lucky for me, i have really WonDerful friends that didint see hoW Responsibble they are being a friend. i got aLot of hElp whether or not i needed them..heheh THAnkS ALOT all oF u guyS!...and girls. i kNow i shouldnt have got myself into shits but thAnkS soOo sOo muCh.a bIg HUG for all of yA! doublE hugS for SOnia...im gonna miSs that lil fella =\ ...hopE things goes well for her..wish her joY in everything she does.

ookAy...i think that's it for today...besides football today...NOthing else seemed relavant enough to blog. rite...class's at 8 tomoro morning..! bEtta get outta here..n into my bed.. gooD nite, cioWs!

Dreams, self reflection, choices

A friend gave me something to ponder on today. She asked me if i had any dreams and what are they? For a moment, i couldnt give an answer.Stupid huh? was juz a simple question, but i swear, i stonEd. i juz realised that i DOnt have a dream...or i just never thought of it. She gave me time to think bout it and...this is what i came out with. I said that, i dream of a simple life, whereby i have a job that hope that i wont hatE, enough money for me to have my fun and friends that are trustworthy and hope will last for as long as possible.OKay..so it may not be the perfect kind of dream for many.but, for me, i think it's good enough. i hope for something reaChable and if it doeS get better? well.. good for me. but if i dont get what i dream of, then its not so much of disspointment. i mean, how hard is it to just live life simple right? it's not like im dreaming of the best kinda car..or the best kinda house..or the bEst group of friends or the job. when you dont have the best of everything doesnt mean you dont have the best of aNYthing. it's a matter of making the best of what you have and appreaciating it.

im glad she popped that question into my small tiny head. made me think a lil of what i want...what i have..and what goals that is possible for me to reach. Even when you're alone it doesnt mean that you cant do anything.Sometimes you just need to have time on your own.Reflect on yourself and the things surrounding you.I guess it kinda made me think alot. Moral studies today also contributed. Lecturer said, everyday you wake up, and u do your things, then u go to sleep at night and wake up the next day and do it all over again until the day you cant anymore.And everyday when you wake up, you make a choice. everything in life is a choice.you wake up to choose if your day is gonna be good or bad. when things happen, you decide whether you're gonna let that ruin your day or juz let it pass.And i find that pretty true. How we feel depends on the choices me make for ourselves. Everyday we're gonna wake up and face the day.If you choose to let emotions like anger...frustration to take over you first thing in the morning.. man you're gonna have a hECk of a day.However, if you Do tRy to make the days begin well, then wats there to complain about? life would be so muCh less anger and frustration.Now...if only i can make myself do that every morning when i wake up.hopEfully "waking up from the wrong side of the bed" would not exist.

OkAy...im gonna go to bed now..n try to wake up tomoro feeling fine. GooD nites..