Jigsaw Puzzle

Faith..What is faith? Sick of all the faith. Faith to face a better day? Faith to feel better? Fuck it all. I dont even have faith to complete my course....dont have faith to sleep well.Losing my will to turn over to a new leaf before i could even turn over.How stupid. i WisH i knew what im feeling. Im a different person by day, and another by night. As if light changes my personality. Im swept off my feet, and im MAD again.

Im pretending that i feel alright. "NothIng's bothering me. Im fine. it's juz a mood swing".yEA... keep telling myself that, i juSt might change Huh? I can feel the four walls are closing in on me, putting pressure on my hEAd...i can feel the rush.Place my hand on my head and i can hear it say,"It's gonna BloW!! it's gonna BloW!!".And what do i do? i stonE around, coz im helpless and it's driving me craZy.Hypothesis, i hAve bad moodswing when nIghTbreaks.Insane solution??...would be Locking me up in a room where there will be sunlight for the wholeday, regardless of whether it's day or night. Conclusion, i will be saved again.

All throughout my life..i've never seen myself this craZy. "An adult should have developed conventional reasoning at the age of 13 and up"-Kohlberg's model of moral development. And i..i cant reason.With the reason, i think im having a mental breakdown.If according to the Maslow Hierachy,self-actualization-No self actualization of what im born to do. Esteem,-No esteem because i DO feel inferior,weak and helpless.Love,affection and belongingness,-I cannot escape my longing to belong.Safety,-I dont feel safe..from myself.Physiological,-Not hEAlthy..losing my appetite and depriving of biological needs. My hierachy is the kinda hierachy of a person living in mental institutions. but..ThiS is mE... when the lights go out.

I thought i dread mornings....but i find.. that i dread the nights even more. tHe stress has got hold of me.I cant let go. and im giving in. See me here...what has become of me? "who are you?", i point to my reflection.