Still Is The Water Where My Fears Are Bound

Man... I HAVE to post something, even if I have nothing much to say about it... 6th March 2010, what started out to be a nice warm sunny Saturday ended up in disaster as a freak storm hit Victoria.

Bloodied festival-goers, spooked racehorses, smashed windows and cars and heavy rain inside buildings were some of the surreal scenes unfolding across Melbourne, in one of the most intense storms in years. Yesterday's storm in Melbourne was freakish. It was sunny one moment, then suddenly hailstones as big as golf balls fell from the sky at alarming speed. A lot people weren't quick enough to get out of the way and were badly bruised and bloodied. --- 3News

I fortunately/ unfortunately missed the whole event. We were playing futsal in South Yarra when it all happened, we were clueless and when we got out we were so confused. Not to mention, we got stuck at South Yarra coz there were no trains goin back to the city at that point. When we finally got on board ONE train, it stopped at Flinders coz the trains were not goin back to Southern Cross, I didnt know why. So I had to walk all the way home from Flinders station. And on the way, I witness the aftermath of the storm, roof collapsed, water everywhere, ppl STILL stuck on trams and cars left abandoned coz they're not able to move.

When I reached back to my apartment, I learnt that some roofs in Southern Cross Station had "collapsed" which was the reason no trains were goin to Southern Cross.Ok, understood. Then came the problem with my apartment. Spencer Street had flooded before I got back. Water must have subsided when I got back, but the damage has already been done. My apartment lobby had leaves and sticks and water everywhere! The lift wasnt working, they probably shut it down for safety reasons, whatever. And I live on the 30th floor, mind you.... So begins the journey of 1000 steps... oH I dont know... could be 10000 steps for all I know... but freaking hell...30th floor is NO FREAKING JOKE! So yeah... thats how the 100year storm affected me. Wished I had seen it before it left me with such......a lovely experience. Sheesh...

Any Other Day, You Just Look Around And All You See Is Gone

I think you can tell when I'm bored...Anyways... since I do have alot of time in hand, I might as well update. Before my brain dies on me and all these good moments fade away, I shall note them down. Beginning with my return back home on the 18th Dec 2009. Touch down in the morning and TAGging by night. It was a superb night as EVERYONE was out to party and I havent had that kinda opportunity since, my farewell about 1.5 years ago.

It was such a good feeling to have everyone around. Loving that "attik" picture.

Most of my nights were spent in TTDI... either in the German pub or in TDH. We [me, neekee, yinyi] found gold, when we were recommended to try this pizza meatloaf. omg.. its heaven.

and we've been having pork so often, I felt like a pig...

Managed to catch 2manyDjs. Rocking night!! Sweat it all out.. good exercise.

Got the chance to catch Gareth Emery and Markus Schulz as well.. no picture with Markus tho, but it was all good.

6th-9th January 2010 BKK!!

One of the BEST trips ever!! I would say that it was a rather spontaneous trip, the idea was random but the outcome was nothing short of amazing.

its a BUG'S LIFE! tried eating bugs... but all I could muster was a little worm. Salty....

Sirocco Sky Bar. Breath taking view!

AHahhahaAAha.... excuse the laugh. A mandatory group picture everywhere we go now. ALL IS GOOD!

22nd - 25th January 2010 BALI!!

Yup, a short relaxing trip with just 3 friends. It was very different from Bangkok, but it was still good nonetheless. All we did was walk walk walk, eat, walk walk DRINKKKKK, walk walk Shop, had the most amazing dinner seafood on the beach while watching the sun set along with seabreeze....heaven. Found myself 2 moms from the trip. Mommy MunKeng treats me like a baby, taking food for me n peeling my prawns.

Kuta beach was disgusting tho, full of rubbish floating everywhere! Mommy Kwan was by accident thanks to this STEWPID manicure/pedicure lady who thought I was her son. -____-". Oh, story got diverted. Anyways.. Mommy Kwan found a dirty old plate floating on the water while we were playing in it. Yucks...

Tanah Lot. A must go, if you're in Bali. Spent 95% of the time trying to take emo nemo pictures and Balaeric album covers.

And this, is my favo shot of all, pretty much sums up the trip for me as well. Maybe you cant see it clearly, but shes laughing. A very happy picture despite the emo background. Love the contrast.

I know theres not much to show here... there were just TOOOO many pictures taken and I cant possibly put them all here. Its all on FB already anyways...

And thats how 2 months came to pass. Wish all of my holidays will be as precious as that. Its gonna be tough to beat, but now I'm looking forward to whats got installed for me this coming year's end. Thanks for the great 2 months. Till I see you all again... take care and be good =)

Watching The Candle Flicker Out

its 2am, and I'm feeling alil gray. Theres something about the quiet city at night that is haunting. It makes me think about every possible thing (damnit it has to be when I'm back in Melbourne all alone). More often than not, it brings out the deeply disturbed side of me. All of my insecurities come out to haunt me. They play around my mind like kids on a carousel, laughing as they go around. The more I listen to their laughter, the more I succumb to their evilness. All these voices in my head clouding me from the truth, making me skeptical of reality. What do I know about reality? The only thing that I know of is that I'm never good enough for anyone and I'm worth nothing. This is not something I've felt today or yesterday. This is something I've felt my whole life. I hate it... I hate it with all my heart. I wish I'm not so fucking insecure.

I admit. I put up a strong front to ignore the problem. But when the problem is within you, there is no running away from. I'm just a broken piece of glass, breaking off into smaller pieces from time to time. I hate myself for what I am and I hate how its affecting the other parts of my life. I'm pissed off at MYSELF, now aint that fun?

My mind is choking up and my tears are devouring my soul. Please help me stop this. Wake me up and tell me this is not true.

I'm up for a junkyard sale. I'm broken but might still function pretty well after some repairs, any takers?

NO, but seriously....

I need a damn shrink.

24 hours

I realised its hard to juggle between dreams in a foreign land and the people you love thats back home. If only i can bring them along with me. For once, I wished time didnt pass by so quickly. 2 months have come and gone, I'm thankful that I managed to extend 5 more precious days here, but leaving always leaves a mark on me everytime. Its never gets any easier, especially now that I know I will be gone, longer than before. Dont get me wrong. I dont hate the life I have there, I just hate goodbyes. Sometimes you have to let go of things to find out that you really have something you love back home.

I have unsaid words stuck in my throat and unshed tears pooling in my eyes, and I know only more of these will await its turn at the next goodbye.

And for every whisper that you'll never hear, thats is me silently saying "so this is goodbye and I love you all".

"Someday you’ll forget the closeness we have and the jokes we’ve shared. You’ll meet someone who can get along with you more than I can. But what I hope is that someday you’ll realize that I’m someone who has touched your life"

Never Cry Again

Its 2010~~~ Either there really isnt anything interesting happening around me or.....I'm just boring(which is the same thing) I really havent been updating! Hmm.. maybe I've lost the ability to express myself. I dont have the heart to let this blog go. All of my teenage angst are plastered in here. Ok la.. not really TEENAGE, but I was young and there are things in life that I couldnt understand, especially about growing up. Still learning. I'm still a kid at heart, no matter what the number says. Everything else around me changes with time. I am one of the only thing that stays the same. I'm TIMELESS. I should be precious and have a hefty price tag.hehe.

Btw, I'm a Multimedia Designer graduate! Yes I have a degree and yes, I have fina-fuckinly graduated. Took awhile, but its done. But my journey does not end here. I'm going back to RMIT again. Cant seem to get away from them. Within a year from now, I'm hoping that our little company, oh yes I forgot to mention that I'm going to start up a company with 1/3 of raining trio, Mr. Slinky Yap. Er, I was saying.... I hope that our little company will do well, surpass all the hurdles n perhaps when we hit 30, we'll be able to own our own studio so that we can do everything in-house. Very nicee..

Because of the company, I'll have to put my other agendas on hold. Looks like the animals will have to fight on without my help, at least until I have all my things settled. I cant just leave everything behind right now.

Also...on a more personal side, I'm still looking to find myself. I am not complete until I find it. I still have alot to fight. For myself, my sanity, for peace.I need to be able to see the light before I'm swallowed in darkness and be lost till the day I die. I cant help but think about the mountains of emotional shit I'm buried under from time to time. I know the problem is within myself, my mind and I cant love anything or anyone until I love myself. But I dont know where to start. Think I need to do more things in life...hmm.... OH well.... Heres to hoping 2010 would be smooth and pleasant. It is after all the Tiger year, its about time they all give us tigers a break man... its been too long that we suffer from unpleasant days/months/years. Whatever.

Off to family dinner now, and then the big showdown. Arsenal vs. Manchester United. Good luck to us all. Adiossss!