Why Should I Take The Blame

Dont you think human relationships are so funny? Its as tho everyone is only out to look for something in someone. When you found it, you stick and when it doesnt satisfy you anymore you leave. Everyone starts out being friends and all... then some will turn more than friends... and when its over, sometimes, you're not even friends. its almost like the entire time spent with that person, never existed. Erased from your memory. Like the men in black people coming to you and sticking that stick to erase your memory. Some people learn from it, n some people dont. Some adds you to their shit list and some people mourn your departure like they're mourning someone's death.And then you move on and cross paths with another person... and the whole cycle of meeting, getting close, and memory erasing goes again. Unless someone decides to stop the whole stupid predictable cycle. Seems like we humans are just looking for trouble arent we? getting ourselves into situations and bitCh bout it in the end. Quite PoinTless... Furthermore, dramas like that attract people to SprEAd RUmouRs bout COmplEte utter NOnSense. Do people really have nothing else better to do? How is it that the brain is used so Excellently to think of rubbish but not on how to work on their own lives? Unbelievable.

I dont know what is it with Sundays and Me thinking funny... hahaha. Maybe the eggs I just cooked were OVER SALTY. omg. I havent tasted anything THAT freaking salty in awhile. anyways... donT mock me bout my whining, I think i deserve the rights to.offff to smoke. end.

Turned Around

Sometimes I realised that I make decisions without putting much thoughts into it. And sometimes, I put unnecessary thoughts into matters that doesnt need much. More often than not, I find myself stuck in a moment struggling to get out or to adapt. I guess in someways, its good that its this way too....since I'm so lazy to do a darn thing bout...anything, I shall just "accidentally" make a decision N work my way out whether or not I like the outcome. It was almost always bout other people and not me.Sometimes I feel that the entire world turn their backs towards me. I feel LIFE itself turns away from me.

Sometimes, I'd do whatever it takes to not lose something, I dont think of what I would feel. I dont think bout what I would get into." What doesnt kill you only makes you stronger".I suppose thats how I'm still alive till today. Besides my not-so-right head, Im more or less, able to take on moSt challenges. Of course trying to wake up in the morning n drive all the way to no man's land everyday is...kinda tough sometimes...hahaha. I seem to have all the strength to almost everything else but wake up n go to class.Oh...assignments are a no no too. Im lAzy so what..? shoot me.

I just need to break outta the same circle and face something bigger. Something worth putting all my efforts to. If Im making efforts to change or to adapt to my surroundings all the time, I might as well put myself into situations that require MORE change and adaptation. Again, im contradicting between living in a stable and constant lifestyle and the ever changing challenging lifestyle. I used to always tell myself to weight pro n cons of everything, seeing the big picture so that I'll be more understanding. Maybe I've ovEr doSed on that lil note. Now it just makes me feel like im a rope in a game of tug-of-war. I want to move on, but I want to stay. I want this but I want that.I want to be something, yet I dont want to.I want to be younger, but I wanna be older. I want to make sense, but Im not.hahaha stupiD.

Anyways... im babbling a shit load of crap that I myself didnt understand. bAhhh.


" how do I explain that smile, and how it turns my world around, keeping my feet on the ground"

In My Heart Is Where I Keep You

This is the first time I've had to bid my goodbyes 3 times in the SAME week. omfg. !@#~!@#~!@#. There's always a first time ya? Well, to the 3 of you, TAkE care and be GooD aights? Come back and visit the poor ol chubby...or at least webcam with me...coz chubby is feeling very lonEly already. Sound system also...well, they're still noisy but its not the same. =\ hope to see u all soon.


I MiSs you Flabby....


You too Carmen...have a safe flight back to Auckland.


We will be again....another time.

Love You ALL!! oh Barnenita...have fun at the U2 concert. =)

Eyes Blurry Saying Goodbye

Have you ever felt like... you wanna take off and go search for something more in life...than just being here living the same life until the day you die?I'm sure many feels that way. But...how do you let your entire life that you know SO well go... and start off somewhere else, all from scratch? Its like... you just dont wanna wake up everyday knowing whats gonna happen next.. wake up... drive to school/college/uni/work.. and then home.You just wanna take a little leap, expand your horizons, open up your mind and eyes to see more than just, an ordinary life. Coz face it, Life's too freaking short to just stay put rite? But im here... holding on to things alil too tightly, i'm afraid to let it all go to experience something else. But my heart wants to go. Irritating aint it? to contradict yourself this way. Cant decide between what you wanna do, or what you wanna sacrifice.

Even now...watching all my friends leave..with every parting with each of them, I have to learn how to adapt to their absence.One by one... until I'm the only one left here...until I make my move to another environment. I worry so much that I will never see them again... or I will never be able to hang out and talk to them like how I always do when everyone was still here. I hate to let them go....

Anyway...I'm bArKing mad in the middle of the night...partially going crazy becoz I'm confused with the way I feel.I'm Sad that Flabby is leaving in not more than 7 hours, yet I'm happy she gets the opportunity to go. I'm So reluctant to let her go, yet I want her to go. bRAhHh...I shall be like dear old Blorish and RAHH at everything. Everything changes rite? Nothing that has changed will ever come back to what it was. Maybe we'll all change for the better... maybe not? I personally Dont like changes. I hate having to change things and have new stuff coming in and out of my life. I like it stable and constant. And im repeating what I just said.hahaha. Enough. Im goin mad. EnD.

An Hour Glass Glued To The Table

Its the time again...when people are goin back overseas to continue another semester of studies...and also when new people leave for the same reason...I hatE it when Feb and July comes...coz everytime it does...more and more people leaves me.

To Lap Sap...blorish..whatever... take care of yourself over there.Dont forget me or i'll go over there in 2 years to kick ur butt. Sound System must RoCk Melbourne aights? to others who never really knew her... lemme tell u a thing or 2 bout her...


She likes to cam-whore..even in public places, n makes me her victim...


She likes to disturb me when im in lalaland....


she...loves to laugh..but cries when laugh too much...

And theres So mUCH more... words will never be enough! Im missing her noise already.... even tho she doesnt answer her phone often n DOESNT wake up when people are calling her.... i still wanna call. hahaha. bE GooD Blorish. =) Now i shall prepare myself for.....another goodbye.....

Random Outing Updates

Last week... I had dinner with the sound system.. Carmen, Smalls and Jocelyn.Went to this restaurant called Vogue. Pretty cool place.


Our meal....looks good doesnt it? =)


Me n Smalls at Vogue



Karma After the dinner...


Last week I also went up to Genting with Flabby. Back to the old days when we would just go up there to chill. And chill is right, coz it was colD....

Genting with Flabby on one of our crazy days.


The temperature.... check it out...Flabby was Shaking, and I was the HERO

Today...went Naili's, the USJ branch for a drink with Carmen,Flabby, Lee Ling and Ming Wei. Poor Flabby n Carmen.. all sick people. SEE... you both are NOT meant to leave us all so early....


At Naili's USJ


Carmen N Lee Ling..haha


On a more Random note.....

CHeck out me n smalls.... we're not REALLY thAT SmaLL...hahaha

So Please

How does someone understand something beyond your reach? You watch a movie, your favorite actor/actress on screen. They put on a good show, and you're happy that you've made your money's worth. You see them everywhere, movies after movies, playing different roles with different characters. They're so great to you. But do you really know them for who they really are? Some paparazzi catch them taking drugs. But do u really know what the purpose is? Maybe its they're sick. Might have been just simple medication but people mistaken it for drugs. Someone catches them having a party in a club, people say, they're wild animals who are leading their lives into a ditch. Maybe they're just celebrating something. They are just like who are we, but because they're somewhat gifted with the talent to act and put on masks, it changes everything.

How would you truly understand them? Which movie did you think was more like them? We dont really know them for who they are but we still love them. But can we all really be blamed for not knowing who they really are? In reality, if someone doesnt open up enough to you, you wont truly understand them, in fact, we are all just blinded. A reason why people wear masks is to hide something underneath. If you started off behind a mask, then you're never truthful to begin with.Then dont accuse me for not trying hard enough to understand. My efforts may seem like a drop in the ocean to you...but I have limits too...just like you said. Thats as far as I understand. I know I may not have understood you much, but what bout you? Do u think you've understood me fully as well? No my dear, I have my point of view that you've either never seen, or ignored.

Forgive me for being shallow, but I dont understand why should someone blame someone else for having difficulty to understand when in the first place you love making things difficult. For all that I know, I was sincere and most of all I was loyal. I didnt care who you are and who you were.YEs, its kinda hard to love something or someone if you never understood what it is and who they are. All I wanted was to be happy, for bOTH you and I. I've given everything that I could possibly give. Including letting you go. It was/IS by far the hardest thing to do, but yes, for your sake, Go. And please, just let me let you go in peace. I dont think I need to know anymore bout how I didnt not satisfy or understood you. I'm sorry I didnt have the ability to understand you, its not my fault.This is who I am.I've never blamed you for being who you are, so DONT...dont insult whatever intelligence I have left. It may be NOTHING to you, but I know, im not stupid enough to be trash. If you think someone who doesnt have the kinda brains that you have does not deserve to be with you, I can never change that, thats you.

Dreams and hopes and ambitions. It differs from one person to another. What may look glamorous to me might be trash to you. And I may not think the same bout your dreams as well. You have your freedom now, go, make the best out of it.I'll still wish the best for you and hope you would never regret the steps you have taken and will take in the future.Just please,spare me from the agony. You dont know how much this hurts.

Flowers In The Dumpster

Had a mini gambling session with the sound system n flabby last nite at my place. Since this house of mine is now so quiet, I thought calling in the professionals in sound would be a good thing. Indeed it was. I actually gambled and WON! hAh. Dont think i'll get addicted to it tho[hopefully]. Anyways the game wasnt on for very long coz Flabby wanted to continue watching Geisha. And I also had to attend to her coz she was starting to do funny things.haha.

As usual, I havent been able to sleep much. Woke up this morning with the kILLLEr sorethroat. Maybe screaming or singing like a mad cow 2nites ago was the culprit. SLow effect tho. So now, im on my MoMmy's chinese herbal tea medication and pray that I dont start feeling any worse coz Im NOT GONNA GO TO THE DOCTORS! me dont like....Sigh... this sorethroat shit makes me unable to smokE...therefore im bitChy,kinda.Cant really eat solid food too,so im gRouchy.Not that im eating much.

But the best thing today, was the late night futsal. phEw...good game. As usual, a whole bunch of guys and me.My guts shrinks to bean-like size everytime they try to shoot.Its either I go up to them n try to block, or run away for cover.Guys said I improved[yay] which made me rather happy,coz i havent played futsal in a pretty long time. Suppose its because I didnt really care bout anything else.I just...really wanna play n enjoy the game. Hope they would keep it up. Make it a regular thing just like last time. Now my toe hurts, im tired and kinda hungry too. SHall go n look for food...bathe n ZzZzZzZZZ. hope i'll get some good sleep. tata

OH BTW...mAnchEsTEr won 4-2. HAHAHA. That also made my day eXtRA SweEt. yeh.

Live life movies.

Relationships are like... watching a movie. At the beginning, you catch this trailer. Trailers always always eem interesting. Of course, its the main thing to attract people to watch it. Then when the movie comes out, sometimes you'll end up Loving that show, sometimes, it just doesnt seem as good.

Sometimes, you watch an entire movie without understanding what the heck it means. Then it becomes a sucky show. But some other people may find it rather intesting. Sometimes you understand the movie, but only towards the ending. Sometimes the movie is GoOOd, but you just cant grasp the real meaning. However, it differs from one point of view to another.

Sometimes, you may learn pretty good stuff from the movie. Sometimes, you learn crap that influences you to do shit. Sometimes, you just dont learn jackshit.

Movies just like everything else, has a beginning, and has an ending. However you liked or dislikes the show, it ends. Its just a matter of how long. Sometimes, if the show is terrible, you might walk out of it. Sometimes, you stay just because you paid for it. And with every new movie you watch, you can choose to either forget bout the old show, or remember it.

Sometimes, its funny how you can put your daily lifestyle into...your daily lifestyle.