Dreams, self reflection, choices

A friend gave me something to ponder on today. She asked me if i had any dreams and what are they? For a moment, i couldnt give an answer.Stupid huh? was juz a simple question, but i swear, i stonEd. i juz realised that i DOnt have a dream...or i just never thought of it. She gave me time to think bout it and...this is what i came out with. I said that, i dream of a simple life, whereby i have a job that hope that i wont hatE, enough money for me to have my fun and friends that are trustworthy and hope will last for as long as possible.OKay..so it may not be the perfect kind of dream for many.but, for me, i think it's good enough. i hope for something reaChable and if it doeS get better? well.. good for me. but if i dont get what i dream of, then its not so much of disspointment. i mean, how hard is it to just live life simple right? it's not like im dreaming of the best kinda car..or the best kinda house..or the bEst group of friends or the job. when you dont have the best of everything doesnt mean you dont have the best of aNYthing. it's a matter of making the best of what you have and appreaciating it.

im glad she popped that question into my small tiny head. made me think a lil of what i want...what i have..and what goals that is possible for me to reach. Even when you're alone it doesnt mean that you cant do anything.Sometimes you just need to have time on your own.Reflect on yourself and the things surrounding you.I guess it kinda made me think alot. Moral studies today also contributed. Lecturer said, everyday you wake up, and u do your things, then u go to sleep at night and wake up the next day and do it all over again until the day you cant anymore.And everyday when you wake up, you make a choice. everything in life is a choice.you wake up to choose if your day is gonna be good or bad. when things happen, you decide whether you're gonna let that ruin your day or juz let it pass.And i find that pretty true. How we feel depends on the choices me make for ourselves. Everyday we're gonna wake up and face the day.If you choose to let emotions like anger...frustration to take over you first thing in the morning.. man you're gonna have a hECk of a day.However, if you Do tRy to make the days begin well, then wats there to complain about? life would be so muCh less anger and frustration.Now...if only i can make myself do that every morning when i wake up.hopEfully "waking up from the wrong side of the bed" would not exist.

OkAy...im gonna go to bed now..n try to wake up tomoro feeling fine. GooD nites..

TimEs..

me n jinyin at cheer2004



mE... looking..dumb


me n MOnchiCHi at putrajaya


peopLe makin fARNEee faces at jace n jade's birthday

...N then, they were gone

Last day b4 SPM..[i think a few of us are missing our eyes..hehe]

if i could turn back time,i would be the BAddEst ass StuDent just so that i'll ALWAYS remember school!! nyAhaha~! i was toOo gooOd...juz kIdding =p

Parting Ways

Good times to remember.Genting's a GooOd place to clear ur mind..[i look like a dwarf]

When friends leave, it makes you realise the importance of all their existance. every single one of them. Even those that you feel is not as important as the others while they're still here bcoz u dont feel it.bcoz u take for granted that there'll always be another day another time where u can still see them and hang out.Till the day that you realise that you're gonna wake up the next morning not able to see their face nor hear their voice then you'ld start thinking that the times spent with those that cross path in your life is never gonna seem enough. it only feels enough bcoz they're still here with you and you dont feel wats like to be without them.it seem reaLLy common, especially at this age, where everyone goes their own way to persue their dreams, studies,career. But, im not used to changes such as these.

it's amazing how people can change your life, the way you see life, the way you live
it juz by coming into it, how parting can cause u to be emotional. when they leave, they're arent gone foRevEr.they're juz goin through a phase of life that takes them away from where they used to be.but y is it when they're sent off at airports, u feel as though they aint gonna come back? These all seem so new so me. never have i encountered such feelings. but, nevertheless, im happy for my friend that he's got that chance to study overseas, n hEy! it's University of Melbourne man..![Trinity first..heh] is that good or what? pRay that i'll do well this time huh? and then, someday soon, i'll b the one standing at the airport waving to my past.takE care man. i'd like to say i'll see you soon, but...oh Well, wat the heck, see you Soon mAn!

ERrboDy in thE cluB getting TiPsy..?? yEAHh!!!!

Friday, july 16th. Went to pay my sem2 fees at college. it marks the ending of my 9 weeks holiday. so it's back to work again. later in the evening... the long awaited n plannEd dinner at souled out. EVERYtHinG before the dinner started was almost a disaster. First of all, i guEssed i got dressed sloW, secondly traffic was Awfully congested due to the rain. thiRd, i HAD to get to souled out by 7.15 the lAtEst! and i had 5 mins to get there from tmn megah. OK.. i got there at 7.30. Bad. I thought that they might have given out my table. but turns out, im NOT even listed on the reservation list. hoW grEat. But then, good thing there were enough space to fit all of us.
We settled for upstairs, which was a non smoking area. =\ .Everyone came at bout 8 till 8.30 i think. then dinner started. Was really grEat to see EVERYONe there. It made me feel like i've succeeded in gathering a wHOle bunch of monkeys together. ALL the StrEss prior to the dinner paid off. im hAppy.

AftEr dinner. CluBBing!!! we reached outside of nouvo bout 11.30 and waited for ppl to arrive. Tai chE went in n settle some stuff while we all looked like "tau kEi chais" waiting outside. 4 bottles in total was opEned that nite, 3 chivas and 1 bacardi. As soon as everyone steppEd in, the party began. i hAd so much fun that i didnt realise how fast time passed. Felt like we juSt entered and soon we had to leave. When the lights turned on, the drinks werent finished yet. exausted and HiGH, i watched tai chE Down thE quarter bottle of chivas down her throat as everyone chEErEd. and i, i took the remaining of wats left in the bottle after her. After that, i dont really remember cleary of what happened. and i shall also Spare the diSgusting information. FigUre it out.

finally, i really wanna apoloGiZe to everyonE for err.. my um.. Shitty condition and really Wanna THANK thoSe who helped me..Brian, jade,choy may, eddy, eddie,cheng may, err.. and everyone else..i cant remember. thanks for Shoving lemons and ais into my mouth whether i want it or not. =) and of course for getting me back homE save. eventhough i had some ReaLLy shitty hang oVer the next day, smelled LikE VOMit ALL over and stonnEd the whole sat away in my bed but i truly Enjoyed fri nite. so, thANkz tai che for making it happen.! Eh.. hopE everyone wasnt having too bad of a hang over.. wonder how's Faye doin. =) tAke care all... cioWs

Behind The NutShell...Lies a Nut

goD DaNg..! Am I So HOrrible at planning or what?? Everything that i've planned so nicely, didnt work out. first of all, that sneaky yong jeemay DiGGed out bout the dinner from collegemate, Marcus, whom I pity bcoz he's known as "SH" now..haha. Secondly, the present. Was hoping that I could get it done in time for miss yong to masuk the car and urr..notice her chanGEd player. but..due to somE certain unforeseen circumstances,it did not happen.heh..in the end, I juz gave the Damn box and the STOOPideSt thing is that I left the receipt WITH the boX. I feel like ramming my head on the wall..hahaha. and now i dont know y am i PUblishing my stoopidity onlinE. i Am one hElluva DumB ass man.

anyho..im happy that...i guEss she liked it, and may she forgive the silly way that she was given the present.my MoSt preferred way of giving someone a present is to juz leave it there and CaBut. coz.. i dont exactly how to react to ppl's reaction. Be it good or bad. So nExt time, if anyone of u guys receive a present but the sender is nowhere to be seen, big chances that it might be from mE. =) DOnt ask me why, but im just like that.

just came back from my nightly outing for a puff. my appitite seems to be getting bigger nowadays. im turning nocturnal. went to mohsin n had meehoon goreng..is not exactly ReaLLy good..was juz hungry. =) were nicely eating outside until it started drizzling. and yEs, was iylia's mouth again[sux man].speaking of rain, i witnessed the roads "droWning" today. water was spilling oVer the curbs.it was Soo bad, i thought the pipes burst again.Felt like the end of the world is comin..haha[influenced by The Day After Tomorrow]. ooKAy... so that's all for today.it's raining everyday, there's nuthing much anyone could do.. =\ gooD nite.

My Happy Ending

tRuSt... fakE...liEs...buLLshiT...ExcusEs...SelfiSh...selF centered...COnfuSIon...GutLEss...

forgiving a person who messes around with you life is either done by a MAD person... or its too hard to even hate that person bcoz..they mean aLot to you. that somehow u feel, you could always forgive them and let everything begin again. second chances, third chances, oVer n over again. it doesnt seem to matter. your entire live feels SICK to the bone becoz when u sit n think, you'ld realise how this shitty feeling will consume you.

ppl say, a person that lies from you, hides from you, will most probably never be your bEst friend. all the more if the person is too busy looking out for their own ass and leave you wondering off course, will definitly not be your best friend. so wat do u do when That IS your best friend?

if you dont want a person to know whatever happened, then Dont say anything. if you want to say it, dont lie, dont leave anything out. wat the hell the the damn point of telling a different story if you want to be "HoNEst"? Fuck telling me if it aint gonna be honest..id rather NOT know.

so much for my happy ending...

JuLy

the month of july. it makes you ExtRa HaPPEning and extra BRokE!.haha... dinner's and party all in the samE month,it's making me feel like im some big shot who has lots of ppl to meet up.dont get me wrong,i love hanging out with my friends. juz that this month it's alil more drastic, with all the dinners every week. haha =)

last nite, Carmen's dinner with jin yin,jeemay,hui shan, su ann, aizah and kamilah at Dave's,bu.After that chill out at Matrix. wanted to finish the bottle of vodka there, but the others, other than me n jeemay gotta go. bottle's in my car now..hehe

anywayz, i've yet to receive the pictures from Carmen, due to some difficulties and more dumb founding pictures from izwan. still waiting for them. =\ oKay. i guess that's it. im getting sleepy. feeling a lil sick as well.. good nite, take Care

Changes

hMm...okay..first things first. i Woke up kinda early today, which is at 10 sumthing.had lunch with my sister who's eager to see me n counsel me bout me always arguing with my dad.she told me alot of stuff bout mySelf that i didnt realise. im bAd at letting go stuff. things that happen to me dont seem able to Exit my hEad. i end up fucking things up more. it's either no one understands how i feel towards my family, my dad, or mayb im still young and full of anger, and not matured enough. sigh.

okAy fuck the family crap.today, farewell dinner with kevin n his friends. SupEr goOOod food! dinner started LATE! EvERyone was SUpEr hungRy! after dinner went to bangkong park in bangsar n opEn boTTlEsss yEAHhh. wAtched those guyS challenge each other to ARm wrestling..haha.. ALIF's gooOoD.somE undisputed champiAnG. oh yEah, i got myself a new pet. a toAd.sound stooPid? but it's cute.haha.

im gonna miSs that pAnjang big time.college's gonna start without him man.with alvin
inStEad.i SwEAr.. im gonna study this sem. Aint gonna fail again.finish my diploma n get the heLL ouTta here. away from alvin, from my dad, away from EVEry GOd DAmn muTher FUckIn thing.haha..im juz kiddin..=) away from re-sitting again.

anywayz, i think im Done biTChing bout stuff tonite.takE care. good nite. =)

FRIENDS!!

mE n iZzie makin SToOoopid faces

Muh GOod buddy! hopE we all will stay GooD for a long time. no mAtter wat bullshit changes we go through. i know i SuCk at showing appreaciation, but i really lOve all my friends. so.. ALL Of YA..who's rEAding this..i LoVE aLL of u GuYS! haha.. will poSt more of the pict as soon as tHis monkey in the picture there with me sends them to me. till then, TaKE care all.

The ReaSon...kiNDa

finnaly the blog that i've always said i was gonna make. n this, shall be my victim for today and the reaSon im putting words into this page. im pISsEd and im bored. piSsEd bcoz i got ScReWed by my FUckIng piEce of shit father...and for wat the fuck reason? i DOnt knoW. every damn thing seemed to pIssEd him off... hEck even the way i dislike my bLACK dog. wat the hell man.

and im bored bcoz it's raining tonight and i cant go to my usuall spot to PuFf away when i needed it moSt. ARgHH!hehe..im actually proud of myself. i was MeGA piSsEd off.. but i didn nOt punch walls, or bang tables or wateva i used to do when im pissed. i juz sat infront of the comp n blAsted my music.. that's ALL! am i GoOoOOd or wat? heh!

ookAy, that about concludes my first EVEr poSt. was actually juz testing out to see how it works.anywayz, im calm now.hungRy.. see yAh.. gooD nite