Who am i?

accEptance is it juSt a word...? or not.?? how many really Do understand the meaning of acceptance and really know how deep that word could be? EVerytime something hAppends...accept it. Everytime something changes...accept it. in fact...i think we're all SlavEs to that word... NO onE..and i mean No One could live through life WihoUt having to accept anything. Acceptance to mE....its about having to succumb to the inevitable...whether u like it or not. Everything you do..is goin round in circles. things change --> accept --> settle down. and then it GoEs again..n again...n again..until the day u cant anymore. SigH....when will it ever be the last time we will succumb to this?

acceptance chanGes you... changes mE. Changed the person i uSed to be. Now i stare in the mirror and wonder, where was the person that i once knew? where was the person that i had to let go? now i see a person with hardly any emotions...hardly any facial expression. Everyone look at me and think that im juz a smilEy face...some iDiot who knows nothing but smile. GooD in some ways. kEeps the distance between WhAt you know...and Who u know. Everyday of my life is the same thing...repeating itself. im getting bored of it..getting bored of not having any emotions.. the only emotion i get... is satisfaction..from my cigs....and Thankful from knowing i have good friends..n im glad that thEy DO care for me.they have Proven that. okay...So wat..im emotionless??...So Wat.. if i cant feel anything more than thankful and satisfaction?? through it all... i couldnt ask for more...mAyb in someways....this is happiness... and I might have already achieved that without even noticing it. mayb i took it all for granted. mAyb this iS the person that i wanted to be...the kind of attitude that i was Dying to change into. From the times when i was soft, vulnarable and easily influenced to what i see in me today..i feel no guilt that i am what i am now. I know acceptance had made the stupid kinda mentallity that i used to have into something more meaningful.

Mayb acceptance had made me moderate enough in many ways i never thought i could be. I admit, that i have many things that im unsatisfied with. I know what they are but there's nothing much i could do about it..i am...but only human.Yes..the pathetic being that is battling my MixEd emotions in my head. I will have to ovEr come these dissatisfactions...before I think ofsiCk twistEd things that i might have created on my own cloUds my thoughts.For noW.....the answer to my question..?? yEs... im contented....though not too suRe bout being finallY HappY yet.

Disorder

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid 34% Schizoid 54% Schizotypal 38% Antisocial 10% Borderline 34% Histrionic 30% Narcissistic 10% Avoidant 18% Dependent 38% Obsessive-Compulsive 38%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test

im quiet,

but im saying so much.

spoken,

but not heard.
alive,

but dead.

listening in submassive silence,

the dull moans of a pathetic being.

i am the warrior of my world,

with great valour,

i battle my feelings, my emotions.

and in the real world

i am,but only a pathetic being,

bounded by laws .

i,escape the laws,

and i am...

disordered.

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (52%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain. Left Brain (38%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

lol...are they saying that im suppOseD to be lEft-handed?

explains y i eat with my left..

Prisoner of thE creatoR

Prisoner of YouR creation, left me rebelling by nature
why do u leave me So unSatisfied?
Why do u leave me having to succumb to this feeling i hate to face?
WHat am I?
you toy?
your experiment?
i began to show DEFECT and failure,
is that how you see me?
am i sOmE kinda investment to keep you "safe n warm"?
As far as Your "inVestment" goeS..you can kIss my ass and FoRget about it.
you're looking at YEars down the road without me.
am i piSsing you off?caNT stAnd me anymore?
cant stand looking in the mirror staring at that face that crEAted mE?
Feel like you've nEvEr failed like this b4?
well.. look at me longer... im a failure you have to face all yoUr life.congrats.
look mE deep into my eyes, into my soul...
i'll NEVER be anything like you, not even close. not that i cant... i Dont want to
and with your stubbornness, you shall forever look at me as the stranger that gave you a hard time in ThiS life..and nothing else...
onE day, ThE words you speak shall never have anything to do with me again.
Dont fool me about a life you never gave me.

"i know the truth now,
i know who you are,
and i dont love you anymore" - everybody's fool

one day you will look back n you'll see for YourSelF everything and everyone's life that has been affected by you.
the way everyone has hAd eNOUGh of your BULLSHIT and the way you're losing everything.
the way you make me HAtE to see your FAce..
the very face that diSguSt the deepest part of me.
i'll MakE it Without you...Nothing i ever did Was WITH you anyway.
And you? you get to have all your life remembering me THIS way.
thiS is mE...u were never a part of me...n you never will
bcoz in your eyes... im not who u want me to be.
so this... is my ReSpeCt to you.
the kind of respect that you NEvEr thought you would gEt...
think u deserver bEttEr?
think again.

PiCts oF thE crazy ppl around mE

DUgong! the mastErpiece


izzie's bDay


all My big bullies...


more bullying scenes


jace's tAttoo...[flying roach!] haha j/k


hAlOo?


CHubBy & ChuBby..=p


JERON!!! cute?


mE n jocey

Philosophical

“Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.” - Confucius. A saying I had always lived to. Though never knew it came from Confucianism. Confucianism however doEs stick some thoughts in my head...I believe in someways Confucianism teaches you to do things with love, goodness and the purest of the heart. Confucius said that everything that you do should be done FOr the love of doing it. He also stated that in someways, believing in religion is not done for the love of the religion but to expect something in return. for example, religion teaches us to do good deeds and in return, you may be "rewarded" to be a higher being or some sort. This would result in people doing the good deeds not fOr the love of doin good deeds, but for the sake of getting rewarded.It's all human nature i would say.....that almost everything that we do, we expect something in return. There isnt much that we all do for the love of doing it, unless it benefits us in someways.

Have you ever thought that if...everyone had followed confucious's teachings, all the BuLLshit corruptions today would not exist?Hell...dont think MOney would even exist..i mean..wats the use of currencies if everything that you do need not have anything back in return? i think the world would definitely be a much more peaceful place. But then again... u know how the world could NEVER be perfect. Not EvErythiNG could be done with the willing heart. and not everything that you do in life..is something that you truly love to do.For example...y do people work? bEsides getting the money..we all work our asses off for a reason...survival. Everyone nEeds to survive. Getting your education and after that going to work is not something that people would TruLy love.Sure...there ARE people who love their job so much they're willing to work oVertime for nothing. but that's a different case. we're talking bout people in general. How many are really like that?Even when they REALLY REALLY loVe their job..they're still looking forward for pAy day... and im Pretty sure of that.

Aristotle said... that babies are born innocent. and i agree with that. juz like a piece of art. Art begins on an empty white canvas.Along the way, the canvas gets painted with all the different types of colors and in the end? however the painting looks like... is like how the person is. Humans tend to imitate one another.If they happen to follow someone gooD they would be good..and likewise. Paintings are juz alike...depending on their painter, if the painter enjoys dark colors, then the outcome of the painting would be dark...and likewise. And yEs... i also agree with Yong Jee May's definition of life as a piece of music... same kinda meaning... =) [refer to scoopie's blog]

anywayz... i think enough of all these philosophical BuLL crap at this time of the day.Im supposed to be researching on Taoism anyWay..Juz thought that the ways of Confucianism is interesting...however debatable.hEck..everything iS..

till the next time i feel philosophical....gooD nites

Bliss?

nothing said,
nothing done.
the whole world passes by,
nothing brought forward, nothing brought back.
no haunting past, no worrying future.
let go of everything
forgive the unmerciful ways of life
this moment...is mine.
cherished.
wind gushes over,
sweeps the hair away.
lips curl into a smile.
I'm calm.
blank....But contented..Peaceful...
finally happy?

Patience...

PATIENCE!!!...doesnt this word seems to drive you NuTs?I think i'd rather be inSane than to face EaCH and everyday of my life forcing myself to be patient.Never seem to understand why i tend to EXPloDe so fast.Every lil small thing is ticking me off.God i need to start meditating...need to go for counseling classes...to be specific ANGEr management classes.Hate the way it ruins your day and u feel like you cant do anything bout it.You couldnt juz keep it in.Anger runs through my veins like electricity...every entry point has to have an exit SomEwhere.Keep it in...and i'll Die of the shock...let it out..and ppl will hate me or i will ge my knuckles bruised.or sore throat mayb..Anger hits me so fast, i barely have time to think bout my actions b4 i could do anything or say anything.Nuthing seemed to matter more than LEtting it all out.Everything else dissapears except the fire burning inside.And later feel like StonEs raining over your head....hitS you hArd..BANG! and u drown with guilt.

HAte it Even more to know that u wake up every morning and when u have a bad day... you're goin through SHITS for NO purpose.Y do we HAVE to wake up and face each n coming day? Y are we all hEre in this miSarable place when I didnt chose to?Y cant it all End? pointless questions huh? or stUpid more rather.I know i make it seem like im the only fucker facing these shits...but juz cant help the thoughts from comin in my head.My life is not that bad... in fact... it's all good... but wats the point rite?you can never bring your happiness nor wealth nor friends...not Anything down to your grave with you.You're juz a soul slipping in and out of a body.YOu're born,you live through your troubles..you fail...you succeed..but in the end? what do u gEt? nOthing...GoD Damn...if i hAdn't had faith in religion..i'd bE gone.Life's all bout Ys'....Slip into this body..and Y cant this..y cant that...Slip into another body and Y cant this....Y cant that... it's NEvEr ending.Hell...im gonna make me LoSe my mind!GoD knows wat thE heck is wrong with me today...could it be that im tired? or feeling funny after watching Sonia leave..?goD knows man...god knows...what I know?? i know im gonna think bout more shits if i dont stop now n go to bed.

GooD nite.

Uninspired Moments

Nothing much interesting to inspire me lately...sigH...i think my life's getting boRing! Last night, me,jace,jade,and afew of Cheng May's friends gathered at a park to prepare some surprise thingy for her. we lit up candles.And DAmit, those candles were having some hard time Staying "alive". Plus we were all late...afraid that Eddie n Cheng May will reach there b4 we were done, we RuShed like...it's the last day of our lives.Not to mention that i BummEd into a street light poLE while reversing..DAmit!.All of our hard work lighting them up and a BlOody gush of wind kiLLS them..arGH! but...good thing when she arrived, the candles were still...ookAy.Could see the ShoCked look printed all over her face. PooR Eddie, got scolded all the way back from their dinner place, bcoz he blind folded Cheng May for SOo long she was getting pissed.hahaha...Well... nice to see those kinda look...then you'll know that, whatever you've done, pAiD off.

Friday night, went for Jazz Fest.ok..DOnt gimme that funny look alright..it's not my first.AnyWayZ...it was nice.Mayb becoz i dont listen to it often..or mayb becoz im being a JakUn..or mayb becoz it's LIVE??the show somehow, kept me interested the whole nite. My butt hurts now from sitting too loNg...ouCh..Would u belif that i sat there from 9 till 12..and i only got up once, for toilet.Hmm.. it's an achievement for me..i dont think i could ever sit somewhere STILL for half an hour. but then, i did nothing but sit on that chair and watched the show.i guess to me, the most interesting parts were all the solos.It's where u get the bEst outta them.Drum solo is GoOoOood.! haha. Wouldnt mind goin back for more.IM SeriouS!

Picts from Jeemay's bday

CAndLehead may


BuDDy buDdY!


Group pict


hAh???



Hantuu!!!!


preTTy women

Funny faces of our future LeaDers....o.O

COokie MOnStEr!


errr....??


iyliA.....o.O


ChEck out the NOSe man!!!....MassiVE!


AaaAaaaaa

Glory, glory chin chubby!

Fuh...im SupEr mega tired. Played futsol juz now.Everytime after a game, i feel like some OlD person. with all the aches everywhere.Im so NOt fit man...need to Play more sports! ANyHO....was a SupErb game today..im beginning to loVe this game.Drains the Life outta u..but fun....totally......except for the part that i got SLamEd at the ear by this bIg guy. [He's biG man..no joke] Felt like my ear was gonna come off.MusT be the bad thing bout being so small...EverY tOm dick n hArry can push me around without any fuss.they juz gotta stick their hand or arm out n u'll see me rolling like the ball...the last time i played futsol, I got SLamed at my thighs...and tHE wonderful Colors came about n stayed for a few days.[Sakit tho] But oh well... which sports Doesnt cause you harm? plUs it's fun...to me la. noW i feel like getting myself a pair of futsol shoes...hehehe shoulD i??

Friday nite,went to voyeur for my lil friend Sonia's farewell gathering or somesort.Saw many lil kiDdos or..lemmings that arent legal to go clubbing in K.L...lol =p. they all looked pretty gooD.HMm...i got tipsy again...SurpRised? guEss not huh?Lucky for me, i have really WonDerful friends that didint see hoW Responsibble they are being a friend. i got aLot of hElp whether or not i needed them..heheh THAnkS ALOT all oF u guyS!...and girls. i kNow i shouldnt have got myself into shits but thAnkS soOo sOo muCh.a bIg HUG for all of yA! doublE hugS for SOnia...im gonna miSs that lil fella =\ ...hopE things goes well for her..wish her joY in everything she does.

ookAy...i think that's it for today...besides football today...NOthing else seemed relavant enough to blog. rite...class's at 8 tomoro morning..! bEtta get outta here..n into my bed.. gooD nite, cioWs!