The days seem to be passing by so slowly lately. Just not too long ago, I quietly wished "us" at the stroke of midnight. Thought that was quite awhile back, but in actual fact, it has only been a week. Thought that I'm nearing the semester's end, but its only reaching the mid semester break. Maybe the reason I'm more focused with my studies this time around [not that im REALLYY VERRRY FOCUSeD], is because I want to be done with it before I start losing my concentration.
I could get angry at the smallest matter, bloW up, feel guilty later but not say anything. And the next minute, I seem fine again. Seems weird? but I dont know why I'm like that. I have the weirdest change of moods. onE minute I could be pissed as hell, in a few minutes, Im calm n happy even, as tho nothing ever happened... and I dont even know why.....
"savE Me!" i cried out loud begging for someone to hear me. But eventho im screaming on the inside,my mouth, would not open and my words always kept inside of me and my tiny cry goes unheard. But even in the real world, when u ask for help, U need to know first, what's the matter. But I dont...so how should I even ask for help?
Everything I do,I end up failing in the end. Everytime I try, I fall. All my life, I've always been the odd one out, and I can never understand why. Im beginning to believe that I may never end up doing anything right for the rest of my life. I cant seem to focus long enough to succeed. I cant even hold on A LITTLE while more to win it. I have to let it all break apart.I've been alive for 20 years....I dont have anything. I dont have any acomplishments. I dont even feel the lights at the end of the tunnel. I'm still lost. I hate to admit it...but I think, im falling back into the hole which I triEd so hard to climb out of. Sigh...
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Screwed Up
I wonder what makes a person more superior than the other? I wonder what gives a person the right to "run" someone else's life? I wonder How can a PErsoN possibly be 100% righT their whole life? I dont think such a person exist. I dont think anyone should try to think that they're capable of that either. Life is like a cooking experiment. You experiment with different ingredients, you have a different outcome. Not a single piece of food will taste 100% the same, unless its made with machines or made at the same time. I'm talking bout human made...handmade..whatever. At different times, it may turn out alil sweeter, sometimes, alil bitter than usual, or what not.I'm saying, life is like that too. No ONE person could be the SAmE,altho similarities are more than differences.Therefore, everyone should be treated differently. siGh...I dont know what I'm rambling here,Maybe im just trying to release something stuck inside of me. but due to somE reason, i feel very trapped.Y? coz nothing i ever say is a point, or anything that i say, will have consequences.
Its amazing how someone can manipulate another into something. And when that person doesnt enjoy it anymore, then that person is to blame for not putting effort into it and blamEd for being unable to catch up. WhAt the Fuck? ITs almost like forcing someone to LIKE IT and MUST DO WELL or there will be consequences. The only thing that clears thAt manipulating person is that they didnt mAkE you do it unwillingly....direCtly. but indirectly...i say yEs.
You know whats the Funniest thing i've heard today? being a medical student makes that person SMART..the BiG brained kinda smart. and me being in arts, is not good enough. WHAT THE FUCK KINDA SENSE DOES THAT FUCKING MAKE? ANYONE can be a medical student. Does that make them smart? So if i had taken LAW or some other "PROFESSIONAL" course i'm smarter? but just because im in ARTS im not qualified? and you think u can stEp on me? fine... your choice. Right now, im So irritated, i couldnt care less WHO reaDs this! The only reason i stick around is because i have a certain respect for that person and because noThiNG has been done to me. but this... pissed me off. If any of you think that just by being a medical STUDENT makes you a smarty pants... you are actually pretty stupID. WHen you graduate smoothyly without failing a single subject,i'll agree with you. But when you're JUST a sTUdent? your "smart" title... can wait.
Ping pong..??? i think you just killed whatever interest i have for the game. You dont even think im worthy enough anyway.so be it. I wont change your perception, i wont even try. Why? oh.. coz you're too superior to even liSten to what i have to say.Unless someone else thAT YOU think is at yoUr level tells it to u. AnyWAys...this post states no names or gender.Whoever who wants to be pErasan n thinks that im talking bout them,go ahead.
Its amazing how someone can manipulate another into something. And when that person doesnt enjoy it anymore, then that person is to blame for not putting effort into it and blamEd for being unable to catch up. WhAt the Fuck? ITs almost like forcing someone to LIKE IT and MUST DO WELL or there will be consequences. The only thing that clears thAt manipulating person is that they didnt mAkE you do it unwillingly....direCtly. but indirectly...i say yEs.
You know whats the Funniest thing i've heard today? being a medical student makes that person SMART..the BiG brained kinda smart. and me being in arts, is not good enough. WHAT THE FUCK KINDA SENSE DOES THAT FUCKING MAKE? ANYONE can be a medical student. Does that make them smart? So if i had taken LAW or some other "PROFESSIONAL" course i'm smarter? but just because im in ARTS im not qualified? and you think u can stEp on me? fine... your choice. Right now, im So irritated, i couldnt care less WHO reaDs this! The only reason i stick around is because i have a certain respect for that person and because noThiNG has been done to me. but this... pissed me off. If any of you think that just by being a medical STUDENT makes you a smarty pants... you are actually pretty stupID. WHen you graduate smoothyly without failing a single subject,i'll agree with you. But when you're JUST a sTUdent? your "smart" title... can wait.
Ping pong..??? i think you just killed whatever interest i have for the game. You dont even think im worthy enough anyway.so be it. I wont change your perception, i wont even try. Why? oh.. coz you're too superior to even liSten to what i have to say.Unless someone else thAT YOU think is at yoUr level tells it to u. AnyWAys...this post states no names or gender.Whoever who wants to be pErasan n thinks that im talking bout them,go ahead.
Monday, March 20, 2006
2006 Pit Party
Tiesto Tiesto, the grEAt Tiesto. The Number 1 Dj, need I say why? He's absolutely amazing. The performence last nite I think was by far the bEst I've ever seen. 5 Straight hours of Tiesto and 5 straight hours I have been standing. ok maybe 4 hours and 50mins. I did take bout 10 mins to rest my poor leg. But the Music was SoOo good it just keeps you on your feet. The amazing thing was that...apparently that session was recorded and it was going to be in his new album " In Search Of Sunrise Vol.5". Thats cool. Means we got to hear first hands the songs thats noT even in his album yET!
Anyways, met up with Alot of people. Seems the world was at that rave. Including Kong Meng, my CrAzY tattoo artist. Didnt know he liked trance. ahahaha. I dont really have much to say bout the event, coz...words just cant describe the feeling. The vibE, the power of ONE DJ to move the world. I've only a few pictures coz I didnt bring camera. so....here goes.
TiesTO!
U know i like them laser lights
Lights with Tiesto Doing his Thing...perfect.
the "SOHAIS" reunion ...along with an alien.hahah
now the original "SOHAIS"
Anyways, met up with Alot of people. Seems the world was at that rave. Including Kong Meng, my CrAzY tattoo artist. Didnt know he liked trance. ahahaha. I dont really have much to say bout the event, coz...words just cant describe the feeling. The vibE, the power of ONE DJ to move the world. I've only a few pictures coz I didnt bring camera. so....here goes.
TiesTO!
U know i like them laser lights
Lights with Tiesto Doing his Thing...perfect.
the "SOHAIS" reunion ...along with an alien.hahah
now the original "SOHAIS"
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
What Becomes Of Us
The ups and downs and round-abouts
Where are they leading to
The in-betweens and silly doubts
How do we make it through
Homeward
I'm heading homeward
But tell me what becomes of us
Thinking it'd be better if
Never happy with what else
Something more something new
Would make it all okay
As time goes by we learn so much
But still feel so alone
Waiting for the answers
For someone to drive us home
I'm heading homeward
But tell me what becomes of us
Tell me what becomes of us
Tell me what becomes of us.....
sigh.....
Where are they leading to
The in-betweens and silly doubts
How do we make it through
Homeward
I'm heading homeward
But tell me what becomes of us
Thinking it'd be better if
Never happy with what else
Something more something new
Would make it all okay
As time goes by we learn so much
But still feel so alone
Waiting for the answers
For someone to drive us home
I'm heading homeward
But tell me what becomes of us
Tell me what becomes of us
Tell me what becomes of us.....
sigh.....
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Don't Know How To Stop
Havent updated anything in a pretty long time...anyway, these days I've been busy with college work. This semester is quite a killer compared to the last. It isnt so laid back and easy anymore. I have LOADS...heck maybe TONNES of work to do. As usual, im lazy.. so it'll have to wait till later b4 i start anything.
I feel life these days, is getting very....quiet. No more late night outings, or clubbing. Fridays and Sat nights I come home by 12 or before. Only occasionally I stay later. Weekdays... I dont go anywhere. Maybe i'm getting old. Or worse.. maybe im shutting the world away from me. I'm a little lost. My direction in life is a little distracted now, it seems. Its like, what I used to concentrate on, is blurry now and theres other things coming in and out of my head.
" i'm frozen still, unspoken still,
heartbroken,
remembering something I forgot, something I forgot"
Everything has its expiry date..... Life...machines,tolerance,patience too i guess. I'm just waiting to see, what if onE day I run out of things to give. What will people say? What will they think of me then? Who will I be then? Or do I have the infinite ability of giving because that is my purpose here? to be a 365days 24/7 santa claus?
I feel guilty for what I cant give and for the things I cant do to make a change. I hate being in a situation where it makes me feel helpless, apart from feeling like an idiot for Not knowing anything. Add them both together and you get a formula to kill my head. Its like being stabbed by a knife... and pouring a whole bottle of... Black Lable on it. Ignorance is bliss? I think that only applies if you DOnt KnOW at all that theres something that you dont know. If u know that theres something there... but you dont know what it is, or you CANT know, its pissing off. Call me busybody... but im partially traumatized.
AnywaYS... im hungry...another time...
I feel life these days, is getting very....quiet. No more late night outings, or clubbing. Fridays and Sat nights I come home by 12 or before. Only occasionally I stay later. Weekdays... I dont go anywhere. Maybe i'm getting old. Or worse.. maybe im shutting the world away from me. I'm a little lost. My direction in life is a little distracted now, it seems. Its like, what I used to concentrate on, is blurry now and theres other things coming in and out of my head.
" i'm frozen still, unspoken still,
heartbroken,
remembering something I forgot, something I forgot"
Everything has its expiry date..... Life...machines,tolerance,patience too i guess. I'm just waiting to see, what if onE day I run out of things to give. What will people say? What will they think of me then? Who will I be then? Or do I have the infinite ability of giving because that is my purpose here? to be a 365days 24/7 santa claus?
I feel guilty for what I cant give and for the things I cant do to make a change. I hate being in a situation where it makes me feel helpless, apart from feeling like an idiot for Not knowing anything. Add them both together and you get a formula to kill my head. Its like being stabbed by a knife... and pouring a whole bottle of... Black Lable on it. Ignorance is bliss? I think that only applies if you DOnt KnOW at all that theres something that you dont know. If u know that theres something there... but you dont know what it is, or you CANT know, its pissing off. Call me busybody... but im partially traumatized.
AnywaYS... im hungry...another time...
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