hEheh....its been awhile since I logged in here n spill some thoughts/whinEs..bla bla bla. Havent been home much lately.I guess I kinda officially movEd out already.Been enjoying my new found freedom.I've learnt to stick myself to the meaning of the word, independence. I had to cook for myself...clean up the house and of course wash the dishes. But since I live so near home, I go home for dinner almost everynite.hahha.. well... indirectly showing my parents that im still ALivE.Laundry is also brought home coz I dont have a washing machine there....and Im too lazy to wash them by hand. Its been a month now....and I think I might just stay put there till im ready to go further away from home.
Staying alone makes you feel awfully forlorn sometimes. As much as I enjoy the silence and the enormous personal space, I hate the way silence makes me think so much. Staring out the balcony, I look around as I enjoy the view, I miss a certain presence. A presence that I used to have. I miss the conversations, the new things I used to learn from those conversations. I miss all the things and experience I had. I cant rewind or undo things. The past remains as the past. So here I am now, fallen but not gone, bruised but not dead. Half-hanging and guilty.From the old memories, to the voice recordings....the pictures right up to the last words. I have them all. The last words shatters me everytime I lay my eyes on it.
19 years of life. what have I achieved? I’ve probably mastered the beSt ways to chase people outta my life.It should be a new profession. I am so GoOod at destroying those things that was everything to me. Do you really know me at all? Coz I dont.
What am I doing........?
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where you staying? =) i hate the silence as well. and coupled with the rainy days we've been having recently, i guess the only thing people like us end up doing is stare outside and wonder.
i've been thinking, a lot. and i know i'm going to fuck up again, the same way i did last time. it's quite scary, really.
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