BHOTLOL

Im into jokes lately...hehe... beaR with me or share it with me...

You know how i dont like the busines/trading world because it's way too SnakEy? well... this is onE reason why..:

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?" The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"

OMFg...!! This is HiLLAriouS!!!

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 tequilas. The bartender asked, "what's wrong," and the guy says that he just found out that his younger son is gay. The bartender says, "he's sorry about it." After a couple of days the guy comes back and orders 15 tequilas. The bartender asked, "What's wrong now," to which the guy responds That he found out that his older son was gay, too. The bartender says that he's sorry. The guy returned a few days later and ordered 20 tequilas. The bartender burst out, "Isn't anyone in your family gettin' any pussy?!" The guy gets really pissed and says, "Yeah, my wife!!!!!"

hey hEy...check this out..:

A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"

im still bored.....ahaha.... So muCh for keeping myself company =)

Humor Me Silly

A little something I found hilarious while I was Shit boRed surfing around.. =)


lol



Cyber Safe-sex..!! LOL

ZouKfest

BEFORE THE EVENT...


thE um.....PerempuAns... o.0


haha... Jace can NEVER be taller than mE hAh!


Suzz wonderful idea..hehehe


stole this from Shan

Everyone was pretty much exited and just cant wait to get there. Me and Jace Convoyed up. I had to wait for that fella for bout 45 mins,coz she's um.....FAshionAbly late..haha. Reached Genting at bout 2.30 and headed straight for lunch. Met up with the rest as well. Dylan,Carmen,Smalls,Jinyin.Lepak around while waiting for the rooms, I went n help Ju Nn get their tickets. I think I nearly DiED lining up for it.The crowd was InsanE and totally Unco-operative.I made a new best friend while lining up, the extinguisher. I was practically KiSssINg it.The best thing was, the tickets wasnt for me. I got mine quite some time ago.hehe.So, Lepak around, had our dinner and then had some drinks b4 goin in. At 10 something, we decided to start the party.

AT ZOUKFEST 2005....

Stage of Ghetto Heaven Arena


Zouk Main Arena


Another View Of the Main Arena


Me and the Shortys at the Entrance


See.... im the tALLest here...hehehe


TenGah gila....


the guys wanna Slut too....ho ho ho

There were so many people...sigh, u cant moVE. There were ppl shuffling around almost like breakdance battles, there were the smell of WEED everywhere and there were bottles all over the floor causing me to trip like 64167468748 times. The weather was grEat, hence, a GooD clubbing environment. But u know what? I preferred Ghetto Heaven. ahaha.. Dont ask me why. The main arena was playing SloW, chilling trance songs. I got bored. Probably because I was abit Koo Koo in the head and I wanted to go crazy, so, I SquEeZed my way to Ghetto Heaven and I stayed there, 60% of the night. haha. Overall, it was great because of the people that were there.

The Paradox Of Life

As the time inches closer to the day of my departure, im desperately looking for things, memories that I can carry with me when I cross over to the new realm of independance.Im all grown up now. All the talks of ever staying by myself, live life by myself, my own rules, my own LIFE, is drawing near. And I have to say, im getting scared. Saying is always easy huh? When you actually have to do it, it's a whole different thing. I guess this is what people meant when they say that, we're all alone. We came into this world alone, we live alone, and we die alone. No 2 person, in this generation, Starts life and ends life going through the SAME path. Different stages, we come across people who are the same as you, at THAT point, move on, and you'll meet someone else. Sigh..and I frown thinking bout how many times in life we gotta say goodbye. It almost like a lie,when people say that life is full of joy and all, when life is actually full of GooDbyes. The Happier you are, the sadder you'll become when everything's gone.

I still remember the times, back then, when I was little. I had to leave the people who were once my buDdies because I was moving away.Those people were my life then. What else do kids do other than play and go to school? nothing else were more memorable than play time and friends.But as I grew older, I understood more things and i have learnt to know the value of things, the importants of it and the best of all, appreciation. Thus, saying goodbye isnt as easy as it used to be.Last time we used to say,"write to me" or " i'l come back to visit". All those things, it was so innocent and naive. Because we never thought that once we leave, we might never come back, see each other again. Now that I know,it biTEs to even pRepare myself for that coming day.So many questions RoAming in my head with no answers. Answers will only come with time.I know, im making a biG deal out of a small matter. It’s my first time, bear with me. Im becoming......emotional.SomEthing new huh? A person that people often think of as someone that has no other facial expression beside the smile is becoming Emo. Must be a wonder to some. But to afew, heh... they know me better than I know myself.Right? =)

FLabby.....what if one day.....you realise that im not coming back?

AnyWAYs.....ZOukfest is LESS than 20hours... so... Forget the Emo Shit adn LEts PARTYyyyYyY!!!!~!!!!!

Under The Influence Of Computers

Imagine what it would be like, if humans can perform "system restore"?. It's better than having a time machine to travel back to change things. Just a thought.....

Fake

So... it's been a week since I stopped college. I feel boREd to the MAX, and I feel miserable. It makes me feel pretty darn useless not having to get up in the morning and go to class or something. I mean, At lEast wake up with a reason for God's sake. Anyway, some.....bizarre things have happened lately.Somethings like....me meeting a new..."friend". Till what extend do you go, to make a new friend?Ive been in Taylors for alil over a year now, and SUddEnLY, one week after I quit college, this MysteriouS fella comes sending me massages. I mean, yEs, I do welcome friends and new people in my life.But I am NOT someone who's THAT open to strangers Suddenly coming up to me and wanting to be ToOo close in a short matter of time. I am Totally NOT accustomed to that. I'm sorry, but that's just me. I cant take it when people get OvEr-friendly.

First of all, you dont come and sms me saying "Hi,im bla bla bla, I dont know if you remember me but we met a couple of times" LikE the HELL I know who the Fuck you are. At least tell me where in the blue hell you came from.Secondly, Answer my questions when I ask you, especially when im asking you WHAT DO YOU WANT?.I dont know you and im totally Not ready for some...too personal question from strangers. Like mama always say..."dont talk to strangers".
You KNOW very well, that i am already not very comfortable with it, you make the EvEn BETTER move,CALL ME.....Cmon man, i know i have stopped college, but Dont ASSUME that i have Nothing else better to do than to listen to stories bout YOUR life, YOUR past, YOUR philosophy,YOUR thoughts and WhatEver you said that i wasnt listening. Dont also god damn assume that I want to know more bout you too. Coz the only thing i wanna know is HOW and WHY did you look through MY details and disturb my once peaceful life.No offence, but NO, i never wanted to know anymore bout you than stated above. My fucking Lord...what in the hell have i done wrong? This is Sick....it's making me sick as well. ARGHHH...mother fucker. Talk bout GUYS being dumb.....you're worse. Take the hint man...I wanna get of the phone.Stupid dogface too busy telling me JAckShit.DO i look like a psychologist to you? Fuck that. I didnt SAY any of these because i was still caring for that person's feelings.Worried that I may end up being like a total Asshole, so i kept it to myself.HELL, if this goes on, FUCK it man...You dont think im introvert enough?? I'll show you introvert.

Carling Cup 2005

Carling Cup finals....A total draMA. Chelsea Vs. Liverpool. Liverpool had an awesome lead juSt right after the game started.Goal by Riise in the first minute. Hung on ALL the way, they would have won it, but not until the 79th min. Astounding goal,not by Chelsea, but OWN GOAL by the wonderful Steven Gerard.Totally unbelievable. The game took a turn right after that. The game went into extra time,Chelsea scored 2 in extra time, while Liverpool only managed to score 1.Leaving Chelsea to be this year's Carling Cup winner. hahA...Hey...What happened to Manchester United anyway? =\

Drop-out

Okay...the things im about to say, are official. Tuesday, 22nd February 2005. I have officially stopped college, which makes me, a college drop-out.24th, tomoro, i'll be goin for a short interview session with RMIT.Tho, I have said that i didnt want ppl to know bout this, im just gonna lay it down here, so that i can say, i've said it. It's not that dont want ppl to know, it's just that i dont know how to say it. Plus, i havent had the dicision sink into mY oWn head. Well.... here it goes. Im leaving.The reason why i quit college was because i realised that im goin nowhere with my current course and finaLLY decided to switch. My new life......will commence in June, this year. I have only made up my mind 5 days ago which means i have only been keeping this for that 5 days.

It was a delibrate decision.I had given it many thoughts before finally saying, yEs. Because, im expected to be gone fRom at least 3 to 5 and a half years, depending on my results and performence. I have to say, it was quite hard making that decision let alone keeping it to myself. I felt at most ease after letting flabby know. Okay, now that im done,Lets get back to the usual. I didnt go out today....i havent had a SmokE at ALL and i've been home in a total of more than 24 hours.Thats....somEthing. =)

Actually i have nothing much else to say.....I only intended to clarify some stuff..... and im done. college drop-out is oUttA here. [pigalator...you shouldnt read anything beyond this point.] Oh... did i meantion im goin ZoukFest??? Who else is goin?? ComE ppl, lets all go together!!

Panoramic View

I stand here, take a step back from my daily life and look out. Look at things from a different point of view. I watch everyone’s movements like an outside observer looking at hamsters running in a cage. I watch all my friends laugh, smile, and I smile watching them. My heart took a picture. A picture of the happy life I have here. As of this point, I TruLy appreciate everything. Minute after minute slips away and I realized how much its worth. As every minute passes, it is like walking through doors. And as you take the next step, you cant turn around because, the doors Swings shut just right behind you. There's no turning back.

I've never had any great hopes or dreams except for one day, i'll be someone, a person with a life worth living and re-living the moments of that picture I had taken with my heart. I am a person that's never good at making a start nor adapting to changes. I know I cant help that things will indeed change. Nothing stays the same without a doubt. Cant see the future now coz we cant see with our eyes, we perceive with our minds.Dont let this moment end...Dont miss it only to turn around and regret....There's never enough time to say what you really want to say, or do what you really want to do.I blame procastication.Hadnt it happen, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t feel the way I do today, but yet, I wouldnt have what I have today.I've finally got what I wished for. I should be happy. But for it to come only at this time, was depressing because this is when I dont want it to happen. Have you ever felt like running away, but there's no where to go? But when you've found a place to go, you dont want to run away anymore.Timing, that made all the difference.Time, made me see that every beautiful beginning, still must come to the same bitter end.

"take a look at my face, there's no price I wont pay"

Holy Mission

Just return back to my den from yet another holy mission.Im getting old. This trip just proved it.Encountered a MinOr lil accident on the way home.Bus driver's door accidentally Swung open as we were making a turn at a corner and hit one car.The damage wasnt severe tho.We kinDa helped settle the matter and continue on. Talked bout accidents almost the whoLE way back to temple. Bad day huh? On the way back.... it was nearly MY turn. I dont know what is it with Wajas and me lately. 2 days in a row, i had to SCREEETTTCHhh my damn tyres to avoid SMacKing the hell outta their asses.Both times, im only inches away.Suprisingly, boTh times, i was calm. i SWEAR. i didnt even curse them. Not until....afew hours later.I think it must be dued to my exhaution. Like i said, im gettin old.Sigh....But it's good anyway huh? at least i dont throw tantrum in the car,screaming like someone crashed my DreEAm car or sumthing.[Flabby...u should have been there...i WAS really calm...takda temper]

Anyho....the carolling.... it was fine.True enough, it wasnt really as fun as the year b4.Maybe because we were missing many....MonkEys.But overall.... i have no complains.Tho...i prefered to convoy rather than take the bus.Pros and Cons. Take the bus, everyone Doesnt need to drive....everyone can talk together...bla bla bla.Convoy? I can have the freedom to smokE on the way....FreELy...without having to hide behind BuS...Van..cars..drains.... *smiles widely* ignore me.Well.... GooD luck to those organizing anD participating for next year....I wont be around to join in.Wish you all the best man.IM dead tired and hungry now... I actually gave up goin to Atmosphere and Hartamas just to come home... take my shower and EAT. LOL....see ya

Puzzling Reality

I have something i wanna share today....

Zoo’s attempt to turn gay penguins straight unsuccessful
A zoo has scrapped a plan to break up homosexual penguin couples following protests from gay rights groups.

Keepers at the German zoo only realised that six of the birds were gay after ordering DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks.Bremerhaven Zoo in Northern Germany flew in four female Humboldt penguins from Sweden in a bid to encourage three male couples to reproduce after the males have been observed trying to mate with each other and trying to hatch offspring out of stones. The six homosexual birds, however, showed no interest in their new companions and remained faithful to each other.

Director Heike Kueck, who had initially defended her campaign to mate a group of homosexual male penguins with females, arguing that it is the only way to preserve a dying breed from extinction, changed her mind after being inundated with criticism by gay lobby groups after making public her plan.

Gay groups insisted that penguins had a right to form couples without human interference, she said. "If the penguins really are gay then obviously they can stay gay.
"She added: "Nobody here wants to forcibly separate homosexual couples.”

Scientists have found numerous examples of same-sex behaviour in emus, dolphins and pigs, while same-sex couples in other penguin species are also well documented including two male King penguins who live together in Edinburgh Zoo and two chinstrap penguins at the Central Park Zoo in Manhattan. Penguins are believed to mate for life.Keepers at the German zoo only realised that six of the birds were gay after ordering DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks.

I think thats fucking cute and hillarious. Can u imagine those Fat lil birds? For those who argued with me bout the TruE...meant to be way of life.Now tell me, what else are you all gonna use to prove me wrong? hahaha.Check out the Dolphins. Smart animals having these kinda behaviour. Strange dont you think? Not really.

Heinous Truth

Classes began for everyone today.I went to college at bout 10.30 for my...meeting with the programme director to discuss bout what im gonna do, whether im gonna continue goin on with RMIT or not..bla bla bla.I havent decided yet.I guess i need more time to think bout it.I dont wanna get myself into RubbIsh that i dont end up liking.We'll see how it goes.Went down to goin the guys for breakfast.Those who didnt get pass Math2.I got them back as classmates.Went to library and then joinned the rest for lunch. It sure felt like it used to.Except when it comes to class times.All the times that i imagined what it would feel like goin back to college but have to DrAg my sorry ass away from classes They were in, i felt it the moSt today. its almost like dream becoming reality kinda bullshit.Yea, it SuckS...but what can i do? Im dumb.

I hate to break promisses. Whether it be made for other people, or myself, i hate to break it. And sadly to say, i am breaking it.I guess in a way, to fail my programming was not ALL that bad. At least it made me see clear enough that it's not for me.As of today.....EVERYTHING's blurry.And i, im rambling a ShiT load of nonsense.Im goin off now to think bout what i wanna do with my future. Till im sane enough to blog. See ya.

Perfection Of Imperfect Beings

Have you noticed that inspiring people, with UltimAte kindness....caring, all these kinda people that leaves an impact in many people's lives, dont seem to stay long here on earth?Its almost as if, thats just their purpose. To leave and impact, touch some hearts and then leave.They're either born with somE kinda disability, sickness or....born in some terrible home condition.Amazingly, these are the extraordinary people. These are the people that are in the worse scenario ever, and yet live the happiest, fullest. Makes you wonder, HoW and where do they get such courage to live the way they do?These are the people, in my opinion has fully understood WHAT is life and how to live it. They deserve to live longer than they did. Why let the ones who will save humanity's future die early and leave the scumbags to roam and continue to pollute the world?

http://www.mattieonline.com/
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_past_20011019_b.jhtml
an example of someone so inspiring and has such....astounding personality. A spirited lad who sees the beautiful side of the UgLy world through his little eyes. I wish I could be a QuartEr as amazing as this kid could be. If not, let me be the one who leaves early before i further pollute and humiliate humanity.

For the love of the world, life and mankind..... And for Manchester United too... they won 2-0 last night. =) .Happy Valentines Day

Beauty Thus Become

The crowd's back in town. Cars are filling up this once temporary empty town again. Thus.... Mad SiCk iRritating MoroNIc,Sons of biTChes drivers came back as well. Yesterday was declared the official PiSs-CHiN-Off Day. My Fucking Lord....That was almost hell.SOmEonE...Grant me the patience to endure this mental torture.Whats best? I've got a WonDErFUL friend that enjoys the opportunity to pIss mE off even more...reasons?? to TRAIn my patience. oMg~!!@#!@*#!@#!!$ Ok...EnouGh. I shall not raNt like a cry-baby over small matters. EnouGh.

Anyway, I have not been doing anything much throughout the holiday. Nothing eventful I should say. How can it be? no one's around. Actually it doesnt make much of a difference. Only 3 went away.So, i'd sleep till the suns high up and burning my ass. Stone till bout 3-4 in the evening then go out for a smoke. At night? Sometimes i go out, but more often than not, im at home. Except for Friday and last night. Friday we wanted to watch Constantine. i THOUGHT i could get tickets on a Friday night. But NoOo...this Friday is even worse than any other Friday. So, no movie. Went mamak hopping and talked bout....tEch stuff. strange. Even the company that night was Strange....Mark and Suffian. Okay..not Strange...just different.

Sat night. This time, Mark went and AssuRed us that we could watch it. He went n get the tickets early..haha... but sadly, that fella did not inform us when he was gonna buy it, Thus we were not able to call more ppl to join us for the movie.Oh well.....Constantine was GoOOd. hEhe....I didnt know Lucifer was such a......kid.Too bad we didnt get to see God.I still doubt His existance. Im neither a Christian nor Catholic or anything ok? So, Dont ShOOot me for this one comment. I just doubt, i cant help it. Sigh....ok. Done making noise.Off....to watch tv...and go for a smokE...haha....Constantine DONT make me feel bad bout smoking NO... NO...[Flabby....u should watch it..haha]

The Beginning Of Cocks

The crowd just left, and the house, is once again silence and peaceful. I feel once again, MyselF. I can never be around people.Not unless people who are close to me. I either have people who are really close to me...or nothing. In front of them all, I have to present the Good side of me. Watching my mouth, my attitude, actually even the way i dress...but heLL, i couldnt be bothered bout that anymore. Some of them couldnt even recognize me. Typical. As each year passes, the more they all cant recognize me. Plus the fact that they're getting old, and im getting....different. I hate it when they all start interrogating me.Okay, mayb they're trying to start a conversation, be friendly or someshit. But....Hell..SUDDENLY i appear So...HOLy and good juz because they knew i went and help out at temple for the tsunami thingy. So anything before that? i was Shit la? Started patting my head all in DISBELIEVE that someone like me would do anything good.... GoD.i dont know, im weird. i know. i dont fancy talking to people alot. Yes....i cOuLd pass being a rock.Like flabby says, a big rock in the middle of nowhere, with crabs all over it. Maybe that's y i can get along with kids.I dont have to talk to them, and they dont ask me questions bout me. IM not very FriendLY....yah....shoot me.

As the crowd leaves, so does the mask on my face. And im back, right here, in front of the comp with my usual stoning face and Mood.Its the beginning of the year. May it bring happiness, prosperity and health to everyone. HoPEfuLLY....myself too. Happy New Year everybody.

Stupify

Juz came back from another trip to Putrajaya.Scenary there never fails to amuse me. Even though it looks like a DarN dead town during the night.I could lie on the road and roll around and still not worry bout being road kill. YEs..Jace's car is still amusing.Well....compared to mine of course.Ever felt that you have sixth sense, but u always end up ignoring it because u think it's juz paranoia that's bugging your mind? You should start believing it someday. It just might change things.

Tonight, im by far the BiGgEst walking contradiction ever. I was right, yet wrong at the same time.I was pissed....but yet disappointed. I KneW it...but yet didnt know......because? I was living in denial. I only saw what I wanted to see. And i paid the price for thinking ToO brightly on one side. Result? My whole world came crashing down. How stupid it felt, to be prepared but yet not ready for the impact. Its making a mockery of my own defence system. But i am, Undoubtedly shallow minded to have hid myself in a shield of my own creation. Why was it so hard? I could only ask myself that.

But i am sorry. Sorry for Showing the kind of emotion that i did. It WAS improper and i am guilty.Why did i react the way i did? I myself cant answer that. It was as if a comp got stuck.....Hanged and unable to continue processing any other information. And i am guilty.Why did u hide it from me? Just a few days and i know NoThIng of u anymore?I felt.......stupid.

Arsenal Vs. Manchester United

WoO...What a match. Definitely a match WoRth staying up for. Unbelievable. Results? Manchester TRaShEd Arse-anal's BuTT 4-2. What makes it even better is, Manchester was playing 3 quarter of the second half with only 10 men because Silvestre got red carded. The next best thing would be the 4th goal, scored by full back, John O'Shea. How i wished this match was on a week end, so that i could go somewhere and watch with ppl and ChEER on together! ScreAm it to the Arsenal's fans as they watch their favourite team in shame. Well... its of course better than sitting in your room in bed, trying not to scream too loud because it's...5 in the morning? hahaha.... AmaZing mAtch! Hey hey.... what's better than having Arsenal's ass kicked?? Is having their ass kicked at HomE Grounds....hahaha.MANCHESTER YEAHHhh?!?!?!?

Reminiscence

Im so dead bored these days....I missed the old college life.Thinking back... i really didnt mind having classes till 4 or even staying back on occasional Thursdays until 8 to finish up assignments. That was what i call... college life.Now??? i go to class twice a week.... 1 class a day. Thats so....deAd. Yea, sure i have alot of free time... thats so flexible...bla bla bla. But...surprisingly...I'd rather be in college...with my collegemates...in class doin group work and then having lunch break together. That was the life I missed. Now, im juz bumming around most of the times looking for something to do.

I missed having to rush for datelines.I even miss rushing from one class to another, because in between, we had all sneaked out for a 5 mins smoke break.we'd smoke everywhere... including that little room behind of our classrooms which were the compressor rooms. We'd crAmp 3-4 of us inside that mini lil room and puff like we used to in high school toilets.Then we were usually late for our morning classes with Ms.Nages because we're all at the mamak watching Marcus Gobble 4 tosais for brEakfast, just because we simply dont wanna go to class early. So we'd sit and watch him eat, then walk into class together.Open the door and he'll start saying "Hiye, miss, how are you?" and we dont get into shits for being late to class.I missed how we used to always go into the labs not to do our works, but to play games.Then quickly turning the screens off when lecturer comes in. Often times, we gave ourselves heart attack because it was other students coming into the labs instead.A big sigh of relieve, and then the game continues.

Now i can only hope that, someday, we'll have that cheese naan again eh?Wish u all...the best. Thank you for being such nice classmates it was nice having you all as my classmates once. You all have made me look forward to attend classes because, it's simply not jUST a day in college. It's better than JuSt a day because you all were part of it.

Catch Up Episode

Here i am, dropping yet another note bout the weekend. A couple of things i've noticed... there are :

1. I cant play snooker for nuTS anymore.
2. I missed the old times.
3. I STILL like Jace's car....
4. I dont like my car....
5. I STILL lovE looking for thrills on the road.
6. I still like bein in Jace's car.
7. Mistakes are forgiven because one cant live without a companion.
8. I am still an idiot.
9. I realised that animals can cross breed, thus,THE PIGALATOR
10. I have nothing much left to say.
11. That's my weekend.

That'S a RaP folks....ciow

i got a hair cut...hehe

Demoralized

It's strange why, of all nights, tonight, i lost my motivation to study.As much as i keep forcing myself to get to the books and read up, I couldnt do it. Suddenly i felt like, i couldnt be BoThEred bout the paper tomoro. Bad. A very bad sign indeed. Completely at the wrong time to feel like not doing something. I keep telling myself, "hEy, its a second chance. I can finally catch up with the rest without feeling left out" But right at the last minute, it all crumbles.As if giving up hope on life or something. This sucks. I DO want to finish this. I DO, want to have my classmates as my classmates again. But why? Why this... why now? Stupid questions I should only be the one who can give the answer. But im the one asking. This is what you call gEnuine dumbness. I make yself siCk sometimes, Like some pathetic thing that deserves to be StoMped upon. ArgHh!

I hate it. I shouldnt have let my parents talk me into doing this. I should have started something that i prefered. But that's a lil wee bit too late for all these complaints now isnt it? I havent been honest with MYSELF. But here it is. Im not meant to do this.I dont like it and i will not be able to make it through. I never though i could. First sem? i was lucky to scrape through. This time? the bEst of luck wont make change a thing.Now i ReALLY understand why seniors keep asking me to get outta this course. I feel the pain man. Sigh....I guess i should go. Try to get SOME marks instead of walking outta the hall with only 2-3 marks outta 100. see ya.

Nuts

An array of emotions in a hub of a made believe titan. Feeling in control but yet, losing it. I'll always be that...incompetent lil impish person.It's sick, how im doin the same shit. A megalomanic in the making, because im bound to......the infestation of thoughts in my mind. @^#$&#^#$&;#%&.... I must be tired. See...this is why study is not good for me. I go craZy. stupid programming.

I took a 2 hours drive today...if only we had longer highways. I should go to bed now. May, where are u?

Gone The Sun

If anyone could relate to me bout the " hAtE of invaDEd privacy" would be flabby.Ever had someone DIggEd tooOO deep into your life? up to the point that your fuckingdecisions in life is their "rEsponsibility"?. MOther FuckEr....I didnt live to be toldwhat to do okAy? I mean yea...as a friend, you wanna show that you care, that's fine.You wanna Nag and scold me bout smoking, that fine. But DONT you fucking force me to do it.WHy did u think everyone else just let things be? Because this are all decisions of an individual,and no matter what you say, you cant expect me to change just because you put an effort to it.HEll... putting effort into something DoESnt mean that you MUST succeed. You say, "bear with the nagging"Hell, then I say.... "bear with me smoking!" You cant change jAckshit, if I dont want to. Im 19 this year damit...not 1 year and 9 months.

WHo ever said harshness will change things for the better? C'mon man, it wont. My patience was tested last night, listening to you drill my ThiCk skull and realising that you were beginning to INVaDe my life. In addition to that, I watched you slappEd the fuck outta my buddy. What the fuck was that for man? As if slapping the hell outta her would slap the habit as well...Then why dont you juz SHoOT me to death so that you'll never have to see me smoke again? InsaNE.YES....i neither did not Do anything back in return because i ReSpEcted u.Because as a friend, i cant just swing my hand ovEr smack you.and i was Shoving my mind with COnSoling words saying that you did it because you cared...because you cared...because you cared.I merely swallowed it all down.But now, all respect for you is...simply....gone. WHy? because a person like u, which i though would have much more space in the head to do some thinking, turns out woRSe than ME.You asked me, "what do i have to say?". What the fuck do u want me to SAy? After witnessing that slap....im just speechless.Im dissapointed.. i truly am.

I didnt go out last night to get all thAt shit. I went out to see a FRIEND that i have not seen in a while.I just dont feel like seeing you now....not anytime soon.

Every Parting Is death, As Every Reunion Is heaven.

Something woke me up early this morning and kept me awake. Was awaken by the thought of people leaving and i have to say, im deeply disturbed by it. It started bit by bit, when people started leaving, and as i read other blogs bout their friends leaving, i felt the pinch in my heart knowing that i'll be facing the same situation soon enough. The conversation with Flabby inflicted even more thoughts bout this more than ever. How im not ready to go or watch her go. The emotional send offs at the airport....the tears in your eyes, as you bid your good byes i realized, are only temporary. What seemed to worry me most is not letting them go at that moment. It's not knowing how things will be like in the future. What if you bid good bye today as the bEstest of friends, but return with NothiNg?What if that hug was the last hug? Getting used to the days without your best buddies are gonna be such a pain...3 to 4 years is too far down the road to say anything now. What will it be like then? Will the closest people to you be replaced? The group of poeple that you go for yum cha sessions, will they still be the same?

How blissful it was being a young and naive teenager, not having to worry about anything more than to excel in your studies and be a good kid to your parents. How blissful it was to say goodbye to your friends knowing that in a matter of a few more hours, you WILL see them again...How we never understood the meaning of the word.."goodbye". Now? Good byes only meant parting for a long time....weekS? months? yEArs?ONce you board that plane... there's no turning back. A new life awaits you. And so we stand, at this platform together for the last time... and the circle gets smaller as one by one leaves...walks away into their own path...what lies ahead of the path? another platform for us to meet again? I can only hope.

Im saying this because, though i dont go around telling them i love them, i just hope they do know that. I hope things will never have to change ToO much, though i know, changes are expected. I have the best bunch of EEdiot friends and a Mad Flabby pig. Possibly the bEST idiots and pig i'll EvEr meet in my lifetime. What will my days be without them? If only i knew when and where we would be, so that i would know how to say good bye. Flabby...you and I will bE continents apart! GoD you're gonna be far away.

From the depths of my soul, this is who I am.And who I am, is all that I could give you.
"I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you."

A Little Voice

OkAy...so i've come to finally conclude that... no matter how much i try to explain certain things, I wouldnt get people to see things the way I thought i could make them see. Basically, i cant change the way they think. Changing someone's thoughts bout simple things maybe easy, but to change something that they believe in, is different. Debatable topics....why debatable, because it's simply between what I believe and what They believe. This will never end. What will it become?? more serious and then....cybEr WW3...all for nothing. As much as i DON'T agree with things that was said, to hell with it.... i quit. As much as im frustrated with that kid... i shall waste my energy no more, argueing with someone whose hAiRs downsouth just began to say "hELLo". Im sick and tired of people discriminating these shits.... but hEy....that's what makes the world go round. Fuck it.

While i sit here and rant bout things that dont go well.... i cant do jackshit bout it. Who am i? Im me... someone who cant even pass my math paper. Who will hear me out? My juniors will spit at my stupidity and cast me out. You think i've given up trying to defend discriminated people? I've not...im not. bEcause i cant make things right. I just can never seem to understand Why or How....Doesnt matter right? i mean, the world would look at me now and say..."Why bother to defend and argue over things like that?" But if not a souls cares, this already SiCK society will become... a monopoly of the "NormAL" people and everyone else that doesnt seem to fit in much,will be spAt upon and cast aside. Why cant everyone ever live in acceptance of others? Be it, retarded or not, straight or not...deformed or something, hEll even convicted people should have second chances. As if ALL of us here has NEvEr made a mistake. What the hell....Why make other people's life so miserable while you're sitting down sipping on coffee giving slaps to your head, insulting when someone else may be hurting deep inside? They are who they are... cant they at least be respected for being themselves?Dont they have feelings too?

Anyway,I dont even know where im getting to at this point. Dont think any of my sentences make much or any sense at all. I just got tired of doin math and though of taking it out on the blog. Now that im done... thAnk u for your time. Blogs ARE the best listeners. So long.

Poverty Of Judgement

I wasnt gonna say anything or comment any further bout being....crookEd, until there was almoSt a WAR in between 2 blogs i've just read. And honeStly... the comments, the words used to describe and defend the way thAt mothEr fucker who thinks he's right burned a hole in my heart. And that pisSed me off. Who are you to judge whether THiS is wrong or right? Just because the law forbids gay marriage? That does not prove that it's wrong. WHo made the laws? Us. People. WHY? because majority of the people are dating the opposite sex. But does that mean that dating the opposite sex is right? What if dating the same sex was more common than dating the other? then wouldnt it be right? Im not saying at this point that it is RIGHT.... but whats so wrong bout it?

If shooting funny looks and giving *slaps to the head* is not discriminating, then what is? isnt it the same as goin around and saying to a black guy "Omg...i cant see him in the dark"?. Hell yEAh, it's downright discriminating. What makes you capable of doing that? What makes you think you're superior enough to shoot those looks and say those things? WHat in the hell makes you think that you're so right and WELL in the head that you think crooked people needs YOUR help? What makes you think that being in a Straight or what YOU call normal relationship has any more sincerity and love than a gay relationship? That obnoxious! Then there's no democracy at ALL in our society. You people are just oblivious of your surroundings. How can you say that you’re even trying to help when you're discriminating. Does it mean that saying that u cant see the black guy in the dark makes him fairer and clearer to your eyes? NO. So how can the silly thoughts and words of people who never learnt how to accept or will nEVeR learn to REspEct the "NON- Right" relationship will ever help? kISs my ass.

So what if they can never love someone from the opposite sex again? So what? That is their decision to make and No onE should interfere. What becomes, becomes. And your thoughts and words, should never be seen or heard just because YoU object. If you cant imagine yourself in a gay relationship then DonT. Who the fuck forces you to anyway? Just like if crooked people cant imagine themselves with the opposite sex, Why SHouLd they? Why should they force themselves to like something they're not interested in? Why should they live up to YOUR expectations? WHy should they, in the first place even THINK like you do? Like trash? is that what is expected of everyone? To hell with it.

How could some people be SO judgmental? Young and naive and you want to tell the world about your idea of thE "pErfEct" relationship?? Please.... go learn to deal with Your own flaws before judging others. Pathetic.

Different

Looks like this year is a somewhat Different year for me. Watched different kinda show,did different kinda things and today, a different kinda day. Unlike my usual lEpak-till-I-die saturdays, I dedicated my entire afternoon and night to....tEmpLe. Was in temple from....2.20 onwards[Late due to sOMe reasons...] till late night.Just came back from my first ReaL meal today. Reason why I was in temple? in the afternoon was the practice, and at night, we all headed down to Stadium Negara for this Dhamma assembly prayers for the tsunami victims. Dont i sound SupEr holy now? IndeeD. When we first arrived at the scene, I was thinking..."sHIt..this place looks ToOoo holy for me". With all the big pictures of Buddha as the background of the stage and Buddhist songs playing....and furthermore, I was there with Sunday Dhamma School people...I was just....stonnEd. Like...what the hell am I doing in a place like this? I am in the wrong part of K.L.

So... last minute practices..mic tests and all, the event soon began. Started with SHit ass Boring Speeches which were moStLy in chinese...[That made it worse]. Wait... actually i dont remember which one came first.... We singing or the speeches. But anyway..the speeches is Sucky as uSuaL and we did Pretty well I think? hehe.OkAy... the main event was the prayers, of course. TonnEs of monks attended.[Not tonnes la..just...many.] Then the praying session began. In the beginning it was...er....boRing, coz i couldnt understand a single JAcKShiT they were saying, and Surprisingly...I cought up in the end..StrangE huh? and YES..I was chanting together with them.Even stranger? haha. But it was good. It didnt bore me in the end. At least, I felt I was a part of the ceremony. And played a part of being a Buddhist follower.

okAy..this may be my longest post describing ONE event ever. Hell....I'm proud of it. Plus i did my MATH homework in the mamak today as well.... DoublE HELL yEah...! Am I a changed person? lets see.....but you all DO realise that these are only just words. And words...dont mean a thing to me. lol. gooD nights.

True

Nothing much happened today...went for a movie with Flabby, Amanda and Sasha. Watched Phantom Of The Opera. Was kinda a new thing for me, coz i have not seen thiS kinda movie. Was Pretty interesting at the beginning, with all the singing and dancing and i think it would be a nice play if it's real, instead of watching it on screen, coz it was a lil too long for me. It isnt too bad, really.

Besides doing nothing much and watching the movie... this song... managed to creep into my head, and it got stuck there.....and i can't ShUt it off. Just thAT chorus part....gRr.

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
Ryan cabrera - true

i've been sitting here,
for far too long,
in the mundanity of my mind.
Haunted by the echoing voices that would NOT leave,
I dont deny, im fractured,
Broken by hopes and dreams,
And I, I will never be the same

If I can change... why cant my MinD change?

Same Old Brand New Story

Today, the day where things resume for me. The sleeping hours, the early wake ups...I felt the dread last night when I came home knowing that it will be my last day of freedom and this morning when I had to kICk myself outta bed. College began today, and I arrived....late. I couldnt get myself outta bed because I couldnt get myself into bed last nite. Despite turning off the lights and forcing myself to sleep. I ended up doing "acrobats" in bed. Rolling all over but still not able to get myself to sleep. Not until 3 something I think. God knows.

Anyway, registration today was crap. The programme office was jAm packed full of pEople everywhere. Everyone was too busy with everyoNE. So, I just took my timetable, and left without registering my subjects. Fuck it. I'll do it tomoro. After getting my things done, I went for a movie with my classmates...I should be calling them my college mates now...since they're no longer my classmates. Sigh. I left for home after the movie. Im hAlf grounded....due to my lack of performance in the last semester resulting in failure to complete math and programming. This time, I am paying for it. OkAy.... I know im wrong Alright? I've made my mistakes and I DO want to start over again, I know I can’t erase the things I’ve done. No where to run. I just hope that im NOt cAgEd like a DOg....or I WILL go mad.

I missed going back to temple. Missed carrying stuff around and Missed it even MORe being on top of 40ft trailers and being in 20ft containers. Though I missed my chance to be in a 40ft one. But 20ft is still good. We ALL had some frEE muscle toning sessions. For the past one week, I felt that im at lEAST physically FIT. Though I know im never really physically fit anyway. [Hell, I’ve never worked out in a gym okAy???] Now.... im just gonna go back to being lazy and gradually return to being....well.... CHuBby.

So....this is it... im gonna have to go and pack up and get ready for tomoro's class. bEcause.... I cant find my stationeries...I cant find my note pad... and I don’t remember what I need to bring to college. Which...is kinda bad. So...yea.... good nights.

Boiler

What the fuck is wrong with today?? Did the entire world go on a mission to PiSS me off??? I was nicely helping out in temple when My moThEr fucKing piece oF shit bitch of a mom started scReaming over the phone mAking hell alot of fuss bout going to college and settle all the fees and shit. HeLLo...i can do it on Monday when i go to college..WhAt the hell's the big deal? And Why the FucK does she need to Scream over the phone about it? God DAmiT... i feel likE WrAngling her to death. Not to mention she rushed me back here and she's nicely Dyeing her Fucking hair. Im telling you, by the time i get to college, they're gonna close for lunch. Just wait.Then i would wish that I could just tuRn around and SLAP thE FUCK outta her. Bloody WOmAN!

She's fucking worse than the tsunami......I swear...i look at her for another 10 mins, im looking at my own grave. She's doing EvErything she can to make me boil even more. No chance to let me cool down and there she goes again, doing or saying something pIssing off. AND THEN BLAMES me for being ruDe... o.O???? WhAt in The bluE hell did i do to this...HELL-FOrSAken monster? bArGhH!! I just wanna go back to temple and work my ass off without saying a thing! At lEast bags of rice and boxes dont piss me off.....

Apologies for the crude post..... im not in the mood.... good byE

Regretful Nut

A new year begins....and a new life begins as well. It's as if Im starting college all over again. The last time college began... I had to deal with starting college without a good friend of mine. This time, I have to deal with starting college withoUt my entire classmates. Lets just say, I deserved it. I was given a second chance to make things right, but I blew it. Obviously thinking that doing it the second time, I would succeed this time. Im still stunned and stonnEd bout not getting it through it. So this time, I’ll have to give it my ALL. I've decided to stop my degree course and focus on finishing the rest of the subjects that I had not passed. It's a decision I made because this time, if I were to blow it again, there will be no turning back. Im thankful, but yet, not too happy bout it. It’s just me. To hell with it.

I wish that some BiG rock or something would hit me hard on my head so that I would know how to change. Maybe I should be in one of those countries hit by the tsunami. bWAgRAhH... (%^*$^&... college will begin on the 10th of January for me....sigh.... I feel sorry.. to whom im sorry to, I dont know.... I just feel sorry. Sorry to those who have helped me I guess. What the hell..... this is a good time to make this change, my new year's resolution huh? just have to make sure I DO keep it this time.Talk about helping others... I cant even help myself.

Anyone happen to know where I can get tuition for programming? If there's any.....lemme know plz.??? desperate now.

sigh....ciows

Accident In Paradise

Lend a hand to help the needy. A little bit is never too little to receive nor is it too much to give. Dont be too selfish. Imagine what it's like to be the victims of that disaster. People say, pray for them, pray for those whose life has passed and those who lost loved ones. But what does prayers really do? As if prayers would help those who are starving, or wounded. What they need is all the physical help they can get. Food and medical supply.

Times like these are torturous to me because I know I am but a weAk human. As much as I feel that I have given is never enough. Doesnt even seem like it's a drop in a river, talk about the ocean. Why am I blogging at this time? Because I’ve simply worked my muscles to the max and imp unable to move my pathetic body. Stupid counterpain doesnt even work this time. I cant really bend over to pick up anything more than 4kg. Just that I didn't wanna admit it. .

The Halls are ALL filled up to the mAXXxxx....anymore it will bReAk the ceilings. Now I know what’s it like to be or...woRk in a harbour. At times it is pretty Stressing, but mostly it's quite fun. Which is why, I dont mind going back to help out... Hey... I dont get paid to do this ookAy? It’s voluntary work straight from the heart, and im glad I could lend a hand.

Anyway, anyone who reads this...Any tom, dick and harry who wanna contribute something to the disaster, go over to the Buddhist Vihara, 123 Jalan Berhala, Brickfields, Kuala Lumpur. Obviously at THIS time.... more man power is needed.Sigh....I wish my muscles weren't SO freAking weak. DAmit

"Taking Lives"

The ultimate shOck-of-your-life experience was part of my unusual Yum Cha session with Flabby, Jace and Krystal last night. Entertaining for some....hEart-stopping for some. It was almost like a lab test to see hoW much me and Jace could take. Of course... thE best was mE...haha coz Jace almost DiEd..literally DiEd due to the.....ear torture given by Flabby. I guess it was more of a shock to Jace than it is to me.....The only thing that shocked me was that I tHought I had known nothing, other than what I originally knew. But...the truth was that all I knew was all that happened. Flabby was juz pulling out legs. At first, I was confidant that it was all bullshit... but knowing me... and knowing flabby...im bound to believe whatever she says. If it was real, I felt like either I was gonna Sink into the chair... or fall onto the ground...or... slam my face on the table..or simply SmoKE the Freshly bought pack to dust.

Overall.....I am juz stonnEd and......I have nothing else to say. I just believe the things that flabby says..you may think im gullible and blur, but it's juz simply because I trust her and I pray that flabby will never lie to me or hide things from me.

Self Reflection???

Being tired SuckS...Ruins everything. Killed my sense of humour and worst of all it killed my mood. Im losing my cool likE no boDy's business and I dont know how to have fun anymore. Atmos was......somewhat......boring last nite. I actually tRiEd to enjoy myself and put up that....face as though im enjoying it. Okay...but that can only last for so long...after that, I juz wanna get outta there. Even being in Su Ann’s house seemed more...interesting. Had a cup noodle and then down one V.S.O.P after that....im surprisingly...AwakE. Went to Lotus to minum awhile, they went back and so did I. This is funny. I was Dead sleepy at 12 something when music was BlAsting like crazy... but DAmN awake at 3 sumthing till 5 when the hse is so quiet. *scratches head* . Actually... I suddenly miSsed Nouvo last nite. Felt like I wanted to be in Nouvo more than Atmos....I Dont knoW why. oh well..... nExt week mayb?

Anyway....I realised that things are not always what it seems. And things should never be judged through someone else's words. Everything should be judged by YouRself based on youR own opinion AftEr you've seen, known or been through it. Easy to say huh? I know sometimes I Do listen to other ppl's opinion and that opinion soon becomes mine. I've seen things alot clearer and I understand why somethings are this way and not another. And I also realised that.... TruSt is important and essential in everything you're trying to achieve in a group.Oh well.....Satisfaction~~!!!!

I know I have alot to change. Qualities in me that neeDs to be improved, be it good or bad. I know nothing will change or get better if I dont start seeing into it. Shall this be my new year's resolution? I guess so. But then again, it's something i say everytime this time of the year. Somethings to change, added with will power but SomEhow still stays the same. Hmm.... Stubborn? Perhaps..... We shall see.

Another year will be gone...whats up ahead? I'll never know....4 more days till the new door opens up for me.

Zombie

Im back...agAin. This time, from the ever so tiring Sayo camp. This time, it was EvEn more tiring than ever. But well, at least i had something back in return. Games department did well despite the lack of help from all the "hElpful" committees. Got piSsed off several times, but all in all, we made it. I have to say, my temper is getting worse, and i dont know why. So flabby the boSs......Im sorry for all the times that i boiled up and ExploDed. You know i dont mean to do any of those, neither did i ever thought of pissing you off. Just wanna get the job done and running smoothly. You're still the besT boSs..hehe =p

Anyway, it's christmas now. Went to Hartamas for the countdown. Couldnt stay any longer, coz i've been making my eye lids Work out and basically my body has no more strength to fight it. I am a person that nEeDs sleep and rest. So...here i am, writing out any info that i could think of without using more than 5 seconds to think bout what im gonna say. Which is why i Dont even understand what i just typed. I should update another time.....the bed is calling me in.

GooD night......Merry Christmas.

Penis Name....

Ah...Nice to be back here with my bunch of maniac friends. The pack had just left from a mini "gathEring" at my place, since parents aren't around to say anything. I think i enjoy living alone more than with my parents. I think everyone...or almost everyone would like that. It just gives you so much more time for yourself and you dont have aNy rules to comply to. YoU make your own rules. Wanna smoke while on the comp..?? SMoKE lAAaAh. Your bunch of monkey friends wanna smoke crAck....SmoKE lAaaAh...just not when im around. That's a rule. =) I like it. Too bad i only have another 4 more days left to enjoy my freedom. This is the first time im left alone for SOoo many days. Other times are just... a day or 2.

Went to do some CraZy things last nite. Besides getting to see my friends...StoNnEd and see hoW stupid they look laughing at EverY damn thing, red eyes all, i DrovE BAckwards in the housing area. Well... since there were no cars, and i got bored. So, why not? My next target? drive backwards to KLIA. Okay..after sending them back, me and Iylia went to get supper coz my stomach was screaming for food since...12 something. We got ourselves Burger Ramly. YumMm...And that's bout wraps up today....another unusual crAzy day of the Chubby and gAng.

Flabby will be away......wish u have a safe trip, take care of urself and have the bEstest Fun. Will miss that......pig. Good Night.....morning.

Btw...just for some fun...

Your Penis Name is: Godzilla

Chubby is CHuBby

Aight.... ChubbY's back to civilization...after a week in a remote area. Funny that im nEither glad nor sad to be back here. Although i Am gonna be home alone till i leave for my sayo camp coz my parents just flew to China last night. Eh..btw, you wouldnt believe that i actually gAINed 2 kg from camp. Amazing? madness should be the word. What do you expect from 5-6 meaLs a day?Even my sister said i looked like i have double chin from the side.hAhaAha.Who would like to be the first to see me really CHubBy?

Anyway....camp was alright.Except for a FeW minor things.... =).Though it was PrEtty Obvious that being a participant is SooooO much more fun. Even better...being the participants of THIS year's camp. They are ALL FreaKing pampered. Lucky lUcky people. Everything is provided... everything is nicely made easier for them... COmpAred to the time that I went...FoOohh.. these people are as though goin for a babysitting camp. And we are all baby-sitters. We're juSt toOo kind and ToooO nice. hahaha. But... they all lose out on many things... the experience and the reAL feeling of what things are really like. Oh well..... no other comments. My arms and legs are InfESted with...insect and mosquito bites. URgh.

Went to K.L today. For lunch, with Flabby and Wai Leng,my OC. Talked bout camp..typical topic of conversation especiAlly right after camp. I ate likE....a pig.Sumthing must be wrong with me. I dont usually eat Anything like that. Wonder Why....*scratches head*. muSt be camp. So...i guess now i DO deserve to be called ChuBBy. And flabby is....well... flabby. =p

Thats's all i guess. See ya.

Zombie

Tracked to Ulu Yam again today...however...turns out to be an unsuccessful survey. Will have to go back there sometime next week. I think we barely tracked to the half-way point, we came back down... Now... at 10.45.. im DeaD tired. I think im gonna go to bed...ZzZzzzZzz.

Oh... watched Alexander today. interesting show. Does make a vEry ObviouS and significant point bout how power changes a person. Forget everything but yourself.You may remember who u love... but forget to care bout what they want and how they feel. AnyWayz.... i wanna go to sleep now b4 i sleep on the keyboard and have a treasure map on my face the next morning. GooD nites.

Economy Sized Dreams Of Hope

Have u ever wondered how stRong shopaholics are...? DAmn....I Do wonder now how they can last walking for houRs...sometimes on heels or those....u know uncomfy shoes, when you dont even see them do any exercise. Incredible. Went to Midvalley today with FlabBy. Tidak bErhasil.haha. So we moved on to K.L. where we continued our search for...CAmP clothes. FlabbY needed shorts and shirts....and bag while I needed shirts. Flabby went home with a Load full of new friends for her cupboard. [just 4 shirts and 1 shorts actually =)] I’ve got 2....somewhat indecent shirts...according to flAbby.

Indecent? I think it's DarN cutE! hehe

After killiNg our lEgs, it was dinner time. Though we werent really hungry coz we had coffee bean [My bAd]. OoOh...Guess where we had our dinner?...Jalan Alor. Yummy. The whole damn street is filled with restaurants, shops, stalls of FOOD. Shared 3 yuMmy dishes, another decent conversation, and that was our closing ceremony. A brief but a pleasant trip indeed. Times like these seems to be insatiable. Well Cherished and appreciated.

Time to get my....WeLL deserved rest. good nights.

bReakfast

me...having dim sum


imitating the way smalls uses her chopsticks. lol. And i apparently ate alot of siew mai's


whats left of what supposed to be a big Group outing for breakfast.


See... i told u she eats funny. =p

ppl...especially Jocey and Vic...Dont bRing ur camera's out for DIM SUM ookAy? u guys freak me out.. but well... Jinyin needs to see what she's missed. frEaking PIG of a person. i HATE waking her UP! grrrr...

Weekend Wonders

So here I am...wrapping up yet another weekend. This week was somewhat busy...which made me looked..."hAppEning". OKay...to sum it up, after a day's break from the PreviouS Genting trip, on Friday, I went to Ulu Yam with Ah mAy,Iylia,Jace&Krystal to check out the place for an outing during camp. We were supposed to juSt LOOK for the roads leading up there....but due to the curiosity of ouR good lil flabby friend...we ended up tracking up alil bit. Both of us bRought along some "friEndS" while coming outta the tracks. Anyways...Ulu Yam was quite a nice place indeed. Even if not for the camp...I juSt might hike up there with some friends.

Oh... I went outta topic. bAck to what I was saying....I went to Genting agAin...yes again that night. This time, a night drive with May and her college mates. Stayed at a friend's apartment in Kayangan. This time... I had my blAck label.[hehe]. I think My tolerance for alcohol has DegRAded. After a couple of shots....it was My turn...to "meditate" at the toilet bowl. This time...Ah mAy took care of me...and I thAnk you for it.[it's a cycle isnt it?] I didint even have any shots neat.tsk tsk....but of course... I din have the same kinda hang over. Was just Slightly. that was fine...May drove down the next day.

Came back here in the evening. Had a SHORt nap before waking up and rushing to go dinner. Afiq's brother's wedding dinner. In Ampang. So...there I go again. I think my poor car needs some rest...so I shall let it rest tomoro and stay at home watch TV or sumthing...*shrugs*. But all's good. Thats bout wrapping up this weekend's updates. At least I think that's it. Time for dinner..... cioWs

No Warmth Under My Umbrella

ExAmS are OVER!!! NoW I can really go out and pAR-tAy! Doesnt really make much of a difference actually..not like I kEpt myself home and study THAT hard. =\ but well.... it's over, GonE until...mid next year. Wished I could say it's gone FOreVEr! Now...to do things that are more of MY kind. Things that require neither book MUGGING.. nor memorizing FActS! YUCK! yEa...that would be of course...camp stuff. Though im pretty lazy to do anything bout it...but well.. the task is given, therefore the job must be done.

Went up to genting yesterday. Stay over 1 night. And BlooDy heLL!!! what the FuCK was wrong with that day man..?? Things just couldnt get any worse. What a way to mark the ending of my exams. Total waste of the day. Maybe I should have just stayed back here and celebrate. Sigh.... not meant to enjoy?? Dont know. Funny how I feel like I have nothing to do now and feeling bored when all these while I just couldnt wait for the exams to be over and holidays to begin. Feel like im gonna be wasting my days. What am I to do? Who wanna plAy some sports with mE? or...gimme some Work to do. But plz.... NO PROGRAMMING. ARghhh... getting agitated due to the lack of sleep. Never missed my bed more than this. And nEver knew mosquitoes were SUCH IRRITATING PAIN IN THE ASSES BUGS!

GooD night.

Baby-Sitter Chubby

I seem to be doing all the things that should OnlY be done AFTER im done with my exams....Late night movie, Clubbing....bAhHh. Looks like I never change Huh? "A tiger can NevEr change its stripes" Someone once told me. Guess it's true. No mAtter how you try to change..SomEthings will stay the same.

AnyWay...Was in the mood for Nouvo last night..but Nouvo turned out......UnexPectedly quiet. As if some disease spread all over Nouvo or something. Crossed over to Atmos instead. Ladies got in free last niGht.[*ShrugS*...hEhe] dont know why. Apparently there was SomE event going on there. Nice to go back to Atmos again..after so long. EnjoyEd myself pretty much. I pity my flabby friend though....i think if i were to puke like that... My SpLEen would have came spilling out. hEh...now i know what it's like to take care of someone.....gonE. Just like taking care of a baby...ovErgrown baby.You talk to them like a baby...you keep your 100% attention on them, incase they do something Stoopid u know..?Plus it takes up ALOT of energy. Through it all, you at least get SomE kinda "entertainment". Pretty Damn amusing to see the way they react. Best thing would be...the satisfaction of knowing u made sure they're safe. =) Even when having puKE on you doesn't seem to matter when you're so engrossed with taking care of them....whether it be juz standing there watching them "meditate" at the toilet bowl...or tugging their clothes to make sure they don't TumbLe outta the window..or... falling over while sitting / squatting down...Basically i know what it feels like to take care of me...when im Shit rEtarded..though im not so sure bout the satisfaction part ...? [diD u iylia..??] But I’ll never thank you all enough for the times all of you helped me.

Just like that.... I can pass as a baby-sitter now... hahA. Gives me motivation to lift weights too...I have somE useLEss....Strength less arms! Cant even carry my dear buddy. sigh....

*note to flab-bee -
1. EAT Pig!!!!! EAT!!!!
2.Dont drink like u havent drank in a million years.
3.I did it because it's my duty as a friend.I luv u and care for u...and i AM GoD DAmn sincere bout it ok? Nothing like what YoU thought. =p

*note to self -
1. Should start exercising
2. ProgrAmming....Go stuDY!! =\

GooD night

Genuine DumbnEss

yEs....i admit. It is iNdeeD a name for ME. No onE else deserves such bEautifuL and No one else suits the name more than i do. Math....you fail it once, you're weak... you fail it twice... You're thE genuine DumbAss. I juSt Dont get why...WHY mothEr fucKEr...WHY?!?!?. I dont want to do it again.....i CAnt! CAnt repeat it again.....Not bEcause of PRIDE...FucK pride...What'S priDe? i just CAnt WASTE another 4 months doin the same thing.It's jusT a math paper..JuSt a math paper. And i just cant god damn count. Why couldnt i do it? bEcoz im juSt THAT DAmn DUmB Huh?What the hELL man....I was Gonna CHANGE. I was gonna Put effort into work that i do, into my studiEs. YEa...i had a HecK of a gRAND opEning of exams. Where's my motivation to work?? UP my ass turn left.

Keep It CoMin..Nobody Does It Better

hEy hEy..!! guEss who's back..hEh... mE, duh.... internet's been down for the past few days GoD DAmN stoopID streamyx....DeprivEd me from my daily doses. grRr..!!! Even made me think that I BLeW my modem. thAnk god I wasnt Impatient enough to go n get a NEW modem. Hmm.... a whole loAd of shit happened. I Dont even Seem to know where to bEgin. Haha...bAsically....I nEvEr knew the minDs of my dear friends were SoOoo.... "CreAtive". They never Seize to AmuSe me. AnyHo...I guess a big part of me kinda..."foRgot" how to blog...[excuses] but since the exams are...around the corner....Ermmm....tomoro.... =\

I should really get goin and buCk up my work.
gEnuiNE DumbnEss needs to be proven wrong....

Switch Sides

i have a monster in my head. It is arguing with my mind bout being the person i wanna be, and thinking the way I wanna think and DistRuping the emotions I wanna feel. Making my happiEst moments my saddest, and my saddest my happiest. While at times im sad bout how things are, im happy that this is what it is. And while I lay in bed playing the WrOnG movie scenes and letting it sip into my subconscious mind, I forgot about reality. I tend to gEt addicted with my mental movies and how perfect my life seems to portray.

I like the way i livEd in my mind. Flawless and blissful. Though according to that "being a happy teenager" book, you can change the way you are and the way u live by bRinging that mental movie scene to life, i seem to like mine the way it is....maybe keeping certain things in your head is better than bringing it to life. Nothing so perfect and wonderful could live outside of my mental world. In the end, it would just be like everything else, desTroyEd and flawed. YEs, i live in 2 worlds. One in which i'vE created and one in reality, it's not so baD....it's the bEst i could do. And though i Sometimes tend to get these two worlds miXed up, im trying to FIX that. so...im sorry, if i dont seem normal for awhile...saying things that i shouldnt say, feeling certain emotions that doesnt seem to FiT the timing. Im just confused. or maybe because im arguing with the monster in my mind. And though i live in 2 worlds, im still the same person. it's just thE outcomes of my life that are Slightly.....different.

Change is always a challenge.
Acceptance….is a cause of change or an effect of change?

Got What I Need

Bought a book from MPH yesterday..."Being a happy teenager". You know... One of those books by Andrew Matthews. Does make me change certain point of views. OKay, so maybe after reading that book I could be a happy teenager.. nyAhaha. [ iyliA!.. u should read man!] Difficult situations are quite simple actually... what makes it hard...is ourselves. We all go look at the situation in a negative way, and it is suicide. We SHouLDn't think that way, and if we can change the way we think, we change the situation. nice? right....i shall go on reading. I'll let u know if i have changed or not... hahaha.

For now.... i nEEeEeD to go study, FINALS Eh..?!?!? sigh... Who wants to go ReaD bout computers and Networks...bout RJ-45, ROM BIOS, OSI,AppleTalk,Bla bLA bla and crap when i can go on n read bout being happy...?? =) im goin to college....stonE in the library...cIOWs!

Inevitable

"Friendship, of itself a holy tie, Is made more sacred by adversity."
-- Charles Caleb Colton

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds.
--Hugh Elliott

Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
--Alan Watts

"Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or a greater Benefit."
-- Napolean Hill

"The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."
-- Homer

"Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow."-- Sir James Matthew Barrie

"O, Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; To be understood as to understand; To be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; And it is in dying to ourselves that we are born to eternal life. Amen."-- Saint Augustine

"The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope."-- Walter Benjamin

Like is said....i cant resist. The ones in bold are the ones that seems to have movEd me mOre than....the non bold ones.

Wonders Of Words

SomEthings are quite irrisistable...I think i would rather go for philosophy class rather than be here in computers and network class now...hEhehE..

"Dignity and love do not blend well, nor do they continue long together."

"Our lives improve only when we take chances -- and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves."
-- Walter Anderson
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives."
--A. Sachs

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
--Will Rogers

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
-- Anne Dudley Bradstreet

"When you are in a state of nonacceptance, it's difficult to learn. A clenched fist cannot receive a gift, and a clenched psyche--grasped tightly against the reality of what must not be accepted--cannot easily receive a lesson."
-- Roger John

"Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words."
-- Rainer Maria Rilke

"We become wiser by adversity; prosperity destroys our appreciation of the right."
-- luscious Annaeus Seneca

"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer."
-- Shunryu Suzuki

This list is gonnA be nEvEr ending...so..therE..juz a few nice stuff that i've pickEd out that made my day somewhat peaceful. May it change the way others think too.

Mental Movie Scenes

It’s amAZing how memories nevEr seize to give you emotions throughout the day...juz like food for the mind.Memories...when it's good...makes you feel the utmost joY and satisfaction for being able to have things that happened in your life you know you've enjoyed and now cherish. bAd memories run through your head like a movie that's repeating over and over again. Everything seems to be related to the past. The echoes of words circling in your head. The haunting voices that seems to be ScrEamIng right into your ear drums. The feeling of..... what uSed to be there lingers on.

dont sometimes you feel like having a bRain of a child? You wont remember anything GooD nor bad after awhile...lonGest maybe a few months or sumthing..PluS they're too young to understand all the complicated feelings and emotions.MAybe if i could be like that.....how endlessly blissful it would be.....

A PeeK into reality

Ignorance and hate mingling in my head,
hAte the game of life that will nevEr stop till death
taking a pause..coz my character is dYing,
here i am, laying down all my thoughts, surrendering to the void.

i climb out to reality and find that the world is slipping away,
let it go, i say, let it go.
how long must i hide myself?
because no one knows, they just dont know.
My God..i hear my mind sighs,
i'm the kid who wants to be....me.
and My God, i hear it sighs again,
as i see whats real from whats not.
and damN,
there goes what i thought was life,as i see the real thing.

Uncountable times of faith slipped away,
times when i just sLEeP my day through,
times when i wishEd i was stronger.
so mEssEd up, but im still alive.
these are all the times that i hit hard,
but fail to spot, and fall to the ground.
and i find myself crippled by the fall,
why couldnt i be like everyone else?
im not impressed, not at all.
What i've got is what i've lost,
what is gone....is over.

the times of my inevitable mooD swings, undeniably insane
have i gone to far inside my own mind?
time to get my head outta the hole now...

Finally

FinaLLy....just completed the final piEce of StrESSful work which will mark the end my worries...and sleepless nights. After today...i can sorta....sleep in peace knowing that hALF the world is lifted off my shoulders. surprisingly i could survive staying up till this time...when i would usually be in lala-land by now...OKaY...maybe my concentration is half gonE...making stOopID mistakes like printing the wrong pages...giving the wrong titles for the articles...not seeing that i've overlapped my pictures on my text...ok...it's quite bad.. hahaha...what the heCk...im DonE..!! StoOopID Assignments..!! gEt awaY from mE... i shall be freed and be tied down no more. yAy... okAy... 4 sumthing im tired...hunGRy...sleepy and erm...bluR.i should go now... good nite everyone...goodnitE my blog.

Backside pain

I feel like an elderly person. Just after a nice game of badminton yesterday...Now...I cant even SIT right. Butt hurts as thought I HUmPed a cow.Quite surprising though...i didnt think that i could even hit anything, but i turned out not SOO rusted afterall..of course i wasnt stoopid enough to go and play with ermm....ASs WhoopErs like...flabby... or i would have got my yellow ass nicely WhiPPed. i should go look for more sports to occupy my time..now that i dont play sports much no more. =)

hEhe...forgot to mention i had a "nice" ride on my way to the Tmn Megah badminton court.Flab-bee was in a bad MOoD...0.o [flabb-bee...dont let your emotions take control of you okAy? your mood worries me].

anyhow....IM in the college lab now..hehehe...suRprised? mayb for thoSe who uSed taylors lAusy comp lab b4....hahaha...Multimedia presentation class now.! cioWs

Whats so wrong?

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/2878/

take this as in invitation into a world of SICK people...and a window to how LOW homosexuals stood. Hatered...despises...rage...all these felt towards someone who is gay.WHY? What the FuCk did gay people ever did man? have they no RIghTS at all to live the way they do? Read the story of Matthew Shepard, a 21 year old student who was bRutally beaten to death juSt because he IS who he IS. That is mAdnEss..You get discriminated....talked trash about..bullied..hated iS already a bad enough thing... but to be bEAten to death by ppl who ThiNKs that bEing who you are is not right...is totally FuCkEd up alright.Why cant they live the way they do?Why cant they get the same amount of respect just like everyone else? Just because they dont prefer the opposite sex just like everyone else? just because SomE moTHEr FUCkEr thinks that gays dont belong in the world then they just have to be beaten to death? Wat thE Fuck is wrong with people man? Whats So wrong with being different? MOtHEr fuCKErs....go Fucking burn in hell for this shit.

StuDy THISSSSS....

Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward.
When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

An interesting way to remember how things works....simplE yet nice way to expain physics. braVo...

CALCULUS

If only I could get to the derivative of you,
To navigate your slope just like I used to do,
Your sine curve so smooth, so well elevated,
Just waiting for me to come and make it integrated.
Remember how during our second differentiation,
I'd derivate and agitate until I'd reach acceleration?
My little pet parabola whom I so much adore,
Why can't we have a functional relationship once more?

THIS...is supErB....FlaBb BeE agrEes on thiS HUh? LikE math now? lol

Been Awhile

hEh....been awhile. Was occupied with aloT of work lately...however the torment is NOT over yet. not until the end of this month....then i can relax alil before thE ultimate NiGhtmaRE begins in November.Cant get toooo lAiD back... im juz beginning to build my momentum to Finnally work for my studies. No onE would believe me if i were to tell them...i've been spending ALOT of time in LIbrary studying....doin my math. DAmn..im proud of myself! Sigh...off to do work.....take care all....

Quality Time

Woo Hoo... i did the unthinkable... actually NOt tHAt unthinkable... juz that i drove up to Genting in the middle of the night and came back doWn EARLY in the morning.... Was thinking of staying abit longer for sunrise... siGh..nvm... There's always AnotHEr time! =) [right piGgie?] hAd a real good time up there...more like GooD quality time.didnt do much...talked bout.......physics[would u believe it?? hehe] over a nice cup of drink, and cigS...Ahh... thats the life. juSt kick back and enjoy..... Nice weather...good companion....intEreSting topics of conversation...nice drink...DUNHILL. Feels like being in heaven or partial of it.....to mE la.

Nearly got my AsS screwed today...tried to be a smarty pants and tell my mum i came back at 4....but terkAntoi....coz... mum actually woke up when i reached home....well... at least she was nice enough to let me off after a slight nag. Anyway.....yum cha... bye bye

Tremble no more

mEga tired today... 9 hours of class is DeadLy.....passivE non-voluntary euthanasia... yEah... that's what it looks or rather feels like. Been buSy with my tons and tons of workload. Getting that euthanasia presentation donE was a big lift off my shoulders....Still more to come. PRobably means I'll have less time to blog this month...Still alot more to do. No more playing around for me....I don't wanna be a 28 year old unDErgraduate. =) will change... Will change.

AnyWAy...Just wanna express the satisfaction of being able to present my points today. No more tRembLing chubby in front of the class that seemed to know nuthing but stone n blink. Hell... I debAtEd my point of view with my lecturer...hehehe... achiEvement for lil me. Aight... looks like things are all goin pretty well for me at this moment in life. Im...At peace at least. appreaciate it. Couldn't ask for more.

Loving it....

Dance with guilt

I am but only human,
mistakes, abundant I've made
but this,
this was different.
as honest as I could be
I felt the utmost guilt,
and tonight,
tonight I see the disappointment in her eyes,
and im sorry, I am your biggest mistake.

Is honesty truly the best way? In a land of guilt....i could stay forever here.