I Am Damaged At Best

I remember now, why I loved my solitary lifestyle back then. Its the pain of losing the things that are close to you or people that are dear to you. You sit there quietly watching time slowly take away everything, watch it all drift away from you. Its that pain that I, up till now, cant seem to accept. Why are people so difficult to depend on? The probability of things changing is so complex, the risks are so high...The winning pot may be beautiful but the losing end, is so unbearable. But its a choice, it was MY choice. Maybe I made a mistake, am I paying for it now?

I know, routine changes, habit evolves. It may have been insignificant to me when I was back here because I dont see the big difference,because I was part of that change as well. Have I become invisible?.... or has it always been that way? I'm struggling not to think this way, not to be selfish. I still want to call this place home. I want to feel happy coming back here, to the familiar smell, the familiar faces, familiar sights and sounds. I cant keep coming back here and feel that I'm losing bit by bit of everything that I've ever known.

I'm a person of extreme low self-esteem. I know, I need alot to feel good enough. I know I tried alot to be good enough. I wish it would be enough. And if that is not, then I dont know what else to be. I cant slip back into the dark state of mind, shine me a path, please? Trust me, I dont want to sit here curled in a freaking corner. I DO want to get back up on my feet, I just need somewhere to start. Give me the doors, and I will give you my decision.....

 

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

Lifehouse - Broken