Walking contradiction? I think I'm in that zone right now. You know the feeling.....when something triggers you to be happy, and yet at the same time, when reality sets in,that very same thing becomes a downer? When your emotions jumps from being able to crack a smile on your face to striking a panic moment? I'm sorta feeling that right now. And all of that is making me all mind fucked.... but the best part is that, I'm doing it to myself. Not anyone else. I know, this is not the first time its happening. I always kill myself with all those thoughts. But this is just strange. Its different. Maybe I feel that its different because I havent had much emotions in the past..... 2 years or so? I havent had to think much about the things that I'm doing or what kind of situation that I got myself into. Maybe I forgot how to handle all of that. Too used to being on auto-pilot, perhaps.
Who is to decide whats right and whats wrong for me? There are too many factors and too many variables, I cant do the math. Someone please, light the way for me? I'm ready to get out of the hole now. At least just....guide me to the doors, and the decisions, I will make them myself.
I think I must have gotten up from the wrong side of the bed.... been feeling all shITty the whole damn day....Shall go back to that bed and tomorrow, would be a better day. Nights.
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