Losing My Grip

The days seem to be passing by so slowly lately. Just not too long ago, I quietly wished "us" at the stroke of midnight. Thought that was quite awhile back, but in actual fact, it has only been a week. Thought that I'm nearing the semester's end, but its only reaching the mid semester break. Maybe the reason I'm more focused with my studies this time around [not that im REALLYY VERRRY FOCUSeD], is because I want to be done with it before I start losing my concentration.

I could get angry at the smallest matter, bloW up, feel guilty later but not say anything. And the next minute, I seem fine again. Seems weird? but I dont know why I'm like that. I have the weirdest change of moods. onE minute I could be pissed as hell, in a few minutes, Im calm n happy even, as tho nothing ever happened... and I dont even know why.....

"savE Me!" i cried out loud begging for someone to hear me. But eventho im screaming on the inside,my mouth, would not open and my words always kept inside of me and my tiny cry goes unheard. But even in the real world, when u ask for help, U need to know first, what's the matter. But I dont...so how should I even ask for help?

Everything I do,I end up failing in the end. Everytime I try, I fall. All my life, I've always been the odd one out, and I can never understand why. Im beginning to believe that I may never end up doing anything right for the rest of my life. I cant seem to focus long enough to succeed. I cant even hold on A LITTLE while more to win it. I have to let it all break apart.I've been alive for 20 years....I dont have anything. I dont have any acomplishments. I dont even feel the lights at the end of the tunnel. I'm still lost. I hate to admit it...but I think, im falling back into the hole which I triEd so hard to climb out of. Sigh...