Havent updated anything in a pretty long time...anyway, these days I've been busy with college work. This semester is quite a killer compared to the last. It isnt so laid back and easy anymore. I have LOADS...heck maybe TONNES of work to do. As usual, im lazy.. so it'll have to wait till later b4 i start anything.
I feel life these days, is getting very....quiet. No more late night outings, or clubbing. Fridays and Sat nights I come home by 12 or before. Only occasionally I stay later. Weekdays... I dont go anywhere. Maybe i'm getting old. Or worse.. maybe im shutting the world away from me. I'm a little lost. My direction in life is a little distracted now, it seems. Its like, what I used to concentrate on, is blurry now and theres other things coming in and out of my head.
" i'm frozen still, unspoken still,
heartbroken,
remembering something I forgot, something I forgot"
Everything has its expiry date..... Life...machines,tolerance,patience too i guess. I'm just waiting to see, what if onE day I run out of things to give. What will people say? What will they think of me then? Who will I be then? Or do I have the infinite ability of giving because that is my purpose here? to be a 365days 24/7 santa claus?
I feel guilty for what I cant give and for the things I cant do to make a change. I hate being in a situation where it makes me feel helpless, apart from feeling like an idiot for Not knowing anything. Add them both together and you get a formula to kill my head. Its like being stabbed by a knife... and pouring a whole bottle of... Black Lable on it. Ignorance is bliss? I think that only applies if you DOnt KnOW at all that theres something that you dont know. If u know that theres something there... but you dont know what it is, or you CANT know, its pissing off. Call me busybody... but im partially traumatized.
AnywaYS... im hungry...another time...
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