Running Out Of Air

I havent felt tHIs low, this worthless and emotionally diSturbEd in...a long time. Im sitting here, scrEamIng at the top of my lungs,but no one hears me.I can sit down and literally kILL my eyes but yet not able to pin point whats is it, thats killing me. Yes, I do know a few. Probably the combination of it all is the lethal injection. If this dont end, then so help me God, I will rip myself apart. I swear, at this moment, I really need to go. I really need to leave at the earliest possible time. Start a new life, in a new place, new environment. I need it. I want it. I never wanted to be away any more than this. I know I have things that I may possibly nevEr leave behind, but hey, everyone's gotta start SomEwhere.And if I dont begin soon, I will cause my own deaTh. I am literally ashamed of myself at this point, for being the way I am. It's like being filthy. In a group of happy people, your face is sour. just like in a bundle of clean clothes, lies one dirty sock.

I do realize that I always end up in situations whereby I have no idea how I got in, and how im gonna get out. I dont know what im trying to get to here. All I know, is that im ranting like some ass bout NothinG. And ALL I rEaLLy want, is to get out, get away and start freSh. Why cant I get that? I have never really gotten what I truly wanted. I just want thiS.I just want to go. I just dont feel that I can stay here. Staying here, is scaring even mySelf. Here, I can begin weeping and whACking the walls for no apparent reason. I need to go. I KnOW it will make a differenceIf this is paying back for all the wrong i've done. Well Shit, I must have done some really ShittiFiEd things in the past. Have I not paid enough? When's my Light at the end of the tunnel ever coming? When can I ever fly away and be free of my emotions?There are so many questions that i could ask, but they all will forever remain, unanswered. Should it ever be answered, I shall surely rest in peace. Let me go.......let me have the freedom to walk around without having a second skin over my face.Im tired.