A Trip

Just came back from Genting.Went there for 3 days. Man.. its cold. ThiCK fogs everywhere.Makes me feel like im somewhere else instead of being in Malaysia. ChEAp holiday and cheap thrills..but so what? its better than nothing. So...these are some of the pics taken while I brave the CHilly winds. lol


FogGy FOggy


starbucks 12 midnight


tRying to freeze my bUtt

I like the camera not because I could take stupID pics...such as...the ones above.. but to take some other things... CAnt blame me.Im in an art college now.Not that im very artistic..but im trying to be. =)


working on my photography skills.hehe


Another one...


Suddenly.. somE piG seems to have better skills than me.. =(


see see....

mErry mErry

Merry CHristmas.....


my wind screen


Any suggestions on what i Should do?

BuRned,Bruised,Bitten

I'm DARk..roasted...bRuiSed and bitten.The chUBby one has just returned from the annual Leo Leadership Camp. What can I say bout it? Personally, I didnt think it went very well. Y..? because I chaired the camp, And I made a little too many mistakes.Probably due to the fact that I wasnt very much interested to run it as well. The participants however, LikEd it. I dont know if that said that during the feedback session to makes us all happy or is that what the truth. Whatever it is, its over and donE with. Next up, Sayonara. Im sorry to say, I've also lost interest in participating in that camp.This is my forth year as committee.3rd year in Games department.But I cant pull out and not give a damn because, just like the Leo camp, im in charge. Hell... what would a camp be if games is like ShIT? I cant just NOT do anything because camp will die...and I dont have the heart to let Sayonara Die.So now...barely recovered from the previous camp...Im about to leave for another. At least this time.. it isnt in some no man's land.Its in civilazation. Wanted to post up some camp pictures.... but camera is not here with me. Another time maybe. As for now... im gonna go look for someone to have dinner with me. Damn SAd la... im home alone on a friday nite.. hahaha.. cya.

Blast You Mind Controlling Mind

Winds of change blows hard. Things that you could never hold on tight enough gets swept away.Theres no room for "What If", no room for "Should have". Its just like a chicken farmer who couldnt watch over his hundreds of chickens and if one dies while crossing the road, its just too bad. Not that I have hundreds of chickens. Just an example. I hate to talk bout certain things. Hate to admit and hate to be reminded...of things I dont wanna remember. Even if the world knows I would never forget.I dont wanna be questionned for the changes in my life, I dont want anyone to point out to me that Im missing.... 10 strands of hair, or im missing a tooth, or anything that I know I wouldnt have again. I know... and Im taking my own time to mourn over it. Im blasting at this poor blog of mine because at 4 in the damn morning, im having these god damn moodswings and fucking voices in my head wouldnt shut the hell up.Maybe if I bang the keyboard alil harder it would shut up, let me go to sleep and have nice dreams.

But right now, when I start to stare at a wall or anything, I start to reminice.Memories play in my head like movies with no stop button.The only button that seems to be working is the RepEAt button. gReat eh? Live with it.Acceptance.Suggestions on what kinda tool I should use to bang my head? how bout frying pan? or electric kettle? or some books....? maybe I could get alil smarter. Sigh, at the mean time.... Im just gonna go to the kitchen n cook some stuff... Holidays make me a piG. GooD nite.

When Walls Close In

Hey there, its the chubby reporting live from the condo.This darned place finally has internet connection.Sigh... Thursday, ghetto night.Here I am sitting in front of the comp online and later most likely pigging-out in front of CSI.Ghetto was not impossible.But I didnt want to.I couldnt bring myself to go. I felt like a murderer who murdered someone's kid and going back to visit the kid's mother. Its just insanE.For as long as my head holds the memory....I will always be killing myself thinking bout all the stupiD things I've done. Im a mortal, Im human.... im foolish. And for as long as im human, I'll always have to remember that humans dont realise what they've lost until they lost them. Its marvelous what you can do to yourself. Its insane how much damage you actually cause yourself in your lifetime.Comparing with the damage that somEone else could inflict onto you, You can kILL yourself alot more. And we all blame others. Its stupid.But what can I say. Im born in this world, and Im bound to make mistakes.Forgiven or unforgiven, is not the question. Whats done is done. Why would forgiveness of others matter if you cant forgive yourself?

Im babbblingg WAyyy too much shit in the WeEeeE hours of dawn. So what....?? this is solely for my own understanding. .Its amazing how many things I thought about when I have my space. =]

Life is dramatic. Stay away from it.

My Precious

look what just arrived. =D~~ *drools* i think this shall be at my bedside everynite. lovEly lovely lovely. THANK U SOOO much,my dear. =)

Tiger Lily

hEheh....its been awhile since I logged in here n spill some thoughts/whinEs..bla bla bla. Havent been home much lately.I guess I kinda officially movEd out already.Been enjoying my new found freedom.I've learnt to stick myself to the meaning of the word, independence. I had to cook for myself...clean up the house and of course wash the dishes. But since I live so near home, I go home for dinner almost everynite.hahha.. well... indirectly showing my parents that im still ALivE.Laundry is also brought home coz I dont have a washing machine there....and Im too lazy to wash them by hand. Its been a month now....and I think I might just stay put there till im ready to go further away from home.

Staying alone makes you feel awfully forlorn sometimes. As much as I enjoy the silence and the enormous personal space, I hate the way silence makes me think so much. Staring out the balcony, I look around as I enjoy the view, I miss a certain presence. A presence that I used to have. I miss the conversations, the new things I used to learn from those conversations. I miss all the things and experience I had. I cant rewind or undo things. The past remains as the past. So here I am now, fallen but not gone, bruised but not dead. Half-hanging and guilty.From the old memories, to the voice recordings....the pictures right up to the last words. I have them all. The last words shatters me everytime I lay my eyes on it.

19 years of life. what have I achieved? I’ve probably mastered the beSt ways to chase people outta my life.It should be a new profession. I am so GoOod at destroying those things that was everything to me. Do you really know me at all? Coz I dont.

What am I doing........?

Pump Up The Crap

Run your fingers through my soul,
for once, just once, feel exactly
what I feel, believe what I believe,
perceive what I perceive,
look, experience, examine and
for once, just once,
understand

Im goin mad in the middle of the night. When the city sleeps and the ghosts in me awakes. Torn apart by the movies playing in my head. The familiar voices that used to fill my life, reminding me of what I dont have anymore. "You win some, you lose some" Everything is always easier said than done. What caused this? Time? Distance? mE?

Im tormenting myself. Then again, its what I always do. I contradict everything that I do. Say I like being alone, but I dont, Say I like being around my friends, But its different.

I hate it when I go out,because, im holding my broken parts together. I hate it when Im alone, because I hate to fall apart. Bet no one thinks of the day, I would start Crumbling down. This is what they call Self-destruction. Not physically though. Physically was much better. Now its worse.

Authority Abuse

Zouk bouncers were apparently abuSing customers. Power and authority changes a person? Suppose so. I dont know how true this story goes, but it is worth reading. It put thoughts in your head.To be more careful when clubbing.It is after all...nOt the safest place on earth.

What do u think of Zouk now?
http://www.zoukabuse.blogspot.com

Malaysian Cops are a uSeless piece of crap force. Like I said, power n authority makes an ASS out of someone. Check out Today's Star newspaper.Page 4 about a chinese housewife. Cops make me SiCK.... If anything were to happen to me, cops are the last people I would go to for help. knowing them, they would probably expect some money given to them b4 doing anything for me. This country is making me sick. More over all these stories coming about makes me even more SicK of Malaysians.I wanna be a proud citizen and go out n say, "IM FROM MALAYSIA" but with all these happenning... u think it is a proud place to live in? mAybE not.

juSt my opinion...others may differ.

Me

I am the one, people used to call for company
I am the one,people used to seek comfort in
I am the one,people used to ask for help

Yet,

I am also the one that was uSed to step on because I would always give
so that they wont feel lonely, so that they could have the things that they want
I am also the one that was LiEd to,so that they wouldnt have to explain anything
so that asses wont be kicked.

I am the one,people apparently think they can kiCk around
I am the one,people use to practice their lYing skills
I am the one,people used to practice their ACTinG skills.
I am,in that way, a very good practice partner.

Who am I?

who else....me

Grunts

Since these few weeks are the closing of the semester, everyone knows what end fo the semester brings.WoRk woRk n Work.So, I have been working on this...bAtik thingy for my creative studies. Me n my groupmates were pRetty DArN happy last week when we finished...or so we thought. Yesterday... our batik was rejected. So.. no Deeparaya holiday for me... I have to go back to college.... *grunTS* *Sighs* im so tired already.....


batik


another

Swings

I hAtE what my head does to me. I hate to think the way I do. I hate to be so unsure of everything because i have doubts.I hate to have completely contradicting thoughts ALL the time. I hate to have nO control of my own life at all.I hate the fact that I acTually Go CrAzY every once in awhile. I hate to admit that Im inSanE.I hate the way I am.

Massacre of Sanity

WAhOoOo..~!!! Im finally online again. OmFg.DEpRIvEd maxxximummm. Now i can finally stay at home n not go CRaZy. Not to say i will be sane after goin online. but at least it buys some time and takes things off my mind at most times.

The days have been crazy. Thank gOodness for end of the semester assignments take takes some of me away from indulging in thoughts. If it wasnt for that, I might have been dead or inSanE already. Too much for this lil head of mine to accept.

Contradiction of thoughts that sits in between truth and lies. When the heart and mind collides, the results are devastating. It is unmerciful. It would have been so much easier if I was someone or something without feelings. Until I decide which I chose to believe, I'll always be here, Tortured by what makes us all human.

Me...cloud

Hey...look at me...=) hehehe

Dissapointment

mAdnEss.... So much for enthusiasm to win both This match against Blackburn and Fulham eh? my Ass....Everyone else got at least a draw. Liverpool Drew,Arsenal, eventho goalless, still Drew and CHelSEa WON! WTF!??!?!!? im goin crazy. @!#$!@#&^%#!!&~!!@ ...... =.="

That was my very sad weekend....=(

Ooh Wee

wow... seems like its been awhile since I posted anything.hehe.What can I say? To sum it all up, there were drama, sweat n tears. All the kinds of emotions and craZy days that resulted in a life-changing experience. I havent even updated on my bday celebration yet. Oh well, everyone else has. Might be alil late to say anything, but hey, better late than nEvEr ey? So yea, anyway, thAnkS SOOoo muCh to all who came for the celebration at "The Orange" and for those who has wishEd me or remembered my bday or whatever. tHAnk u thAnk u. It was an enjoyable night, hopefully we can do it again.I know I did some stupid dumB things that might have RuiNEd my reputation for life, but I think I do enough of those kinda things to make them my trademark. Every year, I do something new for my wonDerFUL friends to laugh at me. hehe. =) Many thanks again to everyone who has walked into my life and made a difference.I love my friends. =) *HUgS ALL*

Dyeing The Surface

Im staring at the big empty board that Im supposed to fill it in with writings and nice lil pictures. Im unsure of how to do it. Its 1.27 and I dont know who to call to ask.So, I thought I'd sit infront of the comp and waste more time. Went to the clinic today. Thought of just goin to consult the doctor and get opinions regarding my ear. For those who dont get what Im saying, well, I have a marvelous ear stud embedded in my ear because I was too smart for my own good. Anyway, instead of getting consultation, the doctor decided to take action righT away. And so, today, 13th September 2005, I had my first experience with the sculptor. Now, I dont have the stud in my ear anymore, however, I Do have a nice holE to take the stud's place. hehe. Im getting sleepy and tired, but I cant decide whether to stay n TRY to think of something for the assignment or just go straight to sleep because I dont know how to do it anyway. I bought the wrong kinda board to begin with.Hmmmm.. I cant think.Sigh....

Nothing At All

Have you ever felt guilty over something and then realized that you've been feeling guilty for absolutely NothiNG at all?Everything that you've tried doing to fix things,to make things better is a complete waste of time,energy n effort?Sometimes you feel like you've done a bad thing.Things that make you feel sorry of your existence, and then you look around you and see that people are like that too.What makes them different from you? The only probable difference is that I feel fucking ass sorry for the things that I've done,while others....couldnt really be bothered with it.Why do I always give everything to everyone but take everyone's SHiT instead? I would sacrifice and give everything within my means,but im always giving it away to the wrong people.

Everyone, in the end, they're just all the same.Everyone is a liar, betrayer and a self-centered person inside,its just a matter of how muCh all of that shows.If anyone was to say, im just like that too, fine, i'll admit.If im wrong, i'll admit.But tell me what have I Done wrong to alWAyS deserve shit?Of all the people in the world,the ones closest to me will be the ones that kill me.Sometimes, I feel as tho, im put in this world to give people what they need.I give and only give.If I ever want to take anything back, it would be shit. Usually I dont complain,because I do what I do for the love of people that I love.But when the patterns, they repeat themselves, then I start to wonder. There’s nothing in this life for me after all.

Closure

There really hasnt been much happening around me.Everything and everyday is the same old dull days. Well... except for the 3 wonderful days Baskin decided to be nice and give me my ice cream 1 day earlier that I should.This time, I bought 5 quarts.I realised,im buying more n more every 31st.Im gonna eat till i bloat and shit out ice cream. Besides that, I havent really been hanging around the comp coz...I dont know whats happening to it.It seemed to have gone craZy.Everytime I turn on the comp it goes back to default.Start telling me to take that windows XP tour. What the hell..? I think its time to send it to the comp doctors....comp is sick...

On a very Random thought...I miss Zouk.I miss having to go there twice a week.. and now, it seems rather impossible to go.Everyday, its just waking up,goin to college,getting work done and thats how the day ends.On certain days, I add in some mixed feelings to spiCe things up.Make my brain think more, instead of just letting my consious move my body to do the same old things.I miss the life i used to have.The people I used to be close to.I hardly see anyone now and I fear of losing them.Its like, im not living a life. Im just living for the sake of living.I dont know. Feeling quite funNy now.Feel empty.hEh... ookay.. enough shit. WoRk....

Never Got It Right

Just came back from PD. Revelation was.....somewhat...over rated. Maybe it was because I went there while still having the god damned Hang over.Maybe its because the "dance floor" was all SAnDy.Maybe it was because I was too tired to even think of dancing.Maybe I reaLLy shouldnt have gone out to the beach during this..."wonderful" time of the year.Maybe it was because of the thousands of thoughts in my head.Maybe I shouldnt have drank like an idiot the night before.Maybe it was because the FuckIng phone-lines were all dead and I made a mistake of going my own way resulting in getting lost.I had to disturb friends back home to help me sort out my shit. I swear then, i just wanted to go home.Forget bout anymore raves. The only rave that I'll probably only think of is Zoukout.Other than that....Enough. Definitely no more SanDy stuff,unless its really at the bEACh for reAL,so that i can jump into the water and die if i feel bored.!@#~!@#~!@ Forgive this post. for juSt onE moment, i just wanna rant like a bitCh.And if this still aint making me feel any better, im gonna go n burn myself in hell.Hell will be so much better when Im done and gonE from shits here on earth. arGhH...forget it.