"When you're drunk I swear you're 15 years younger" that comment would mean, I'm 5. What if deep inside I am still 5? What if I never got out of the stage, and what I am now is just a cover up to cope with the hammerings of life, day in and day out? Why cant I see what I'm doing and where I'm heading to? I try to catch a glimpse of it but it all seem unclear. I'm crawling looking for the light, but its always raining.
I'm feeling kinda down, I’m here alone and its all quiet. Never mind that, I like the peace. Silence isnt silence when I'm alone. I cant sleep. I wish theres more life when I look out the windows. Its dark and quiet. I feel like I'm alone in this world, where I'm the king, but I have no one to command.
Up where I sit, the street lamps and city lights look like candles. The further ones flicker, reminding me of the oil lamps in temple during wesak. Up here, I see things the way I want to see it. In a way I'm making things up, but it has nothing to do with my daily life. I like to think that I'm keeping myself calm all the time with those thoughts. Because if I was to allow random, uncontrolled thoughts in, I'd be seeing very violent scenes. I do not believe, I'm violent or destructive. I just want to have some control over myself.... I think I want to go back to college already. Holidays makes me isolate myself from people.
I'm goin to go off soon. The more I pack, the more I feel like I do not want to come back. Its not anyone's loss anyways. Okay,you'll still be able to reach me via my hp. A week to think bout nothing but fun.Adios.
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